When I started this blog there were a handful of posts about the people that most affected my life. If my friends are to be believed (and they are), I tend to devote the majority of my energy to negative people and this misguided perception that I can somehow make them happy or solve their problems. In fact, those people were the ones who I allowed to define my professional life. Through all of the negativity of the first few years out here there was one guy who was my rock and kept me steady through some very trying times. He was a dad and big brother to me–a mentor who gave me enough space to allow me to learn but lead me and caught me when I strayed from the right.
Bryan Tippett helped me start to be the person I am trying to be today. He taught me some important lessons about life and work and love and understanding people. Even more importantly, he was aware of my tendencies to drift towards negative people and served as a vocal counterbalance and reminder not to do so.
This is all past tense. At some point we had a falling out. I got angry about the business and politics of education and chose to move on from the school and in a lot of ways the relationship. I didn’t burn bridges, but weeds grew through the cracked earth of forgotten friendships. I focused on the new and the now, preferring to spend my time establishing what was in place at the new school and cultivating relationships there. I was a fool and I left the people who mattered–especially Bryan–behind me.
Four weeks ago I saw Bryan at Dick’s Sporting Goods. I was with my boys and saw him from afar. I can used the excuse that he seemed like he was in a rush or we were. The truth is I felt guilty and awkward and terribly afraid I’d already disappointed him. That factored into why I haven’t come to see him now while he is sick. I don’t want to see him like that, though I know that it isn’t about my wants and needs now. I don’t know that I’ve ever told Bryan how much I owe him, but I hope he knows.
Some Thoughts:
- The universe seems to keep reminding me that I reveal too much of myself on this blog. Some rebuke my honesty or say it exposes me or them too much. I understand all that as I understand that sometimes being open gives people the fuel they need to chip away at you. I get it but I won’t quit being real about who I am and what I go through.