Month: August 2018

I took a day off yesterday. I puttered around a resort pool with the love of my life and allowed the realities of work and school to straight fade. Now back in the circle of understanding, I recognize that my novel writing class is highly unlikely to make for the first time in a long while. 4 students is not enough. I don’t feel like I’ve done enough personally to cultivate a society of writers on campus. We should have more than 4 people putting in for this class. In truth it was 6 at one point, but circumstances caused one to drop and the other seems to have been removed or removed themselves for some reason. That puts the chances of the class making at a dangerous low. What will I do then?

I don’t actually have an answer for that. A fruitful conversation with my partner helped me to reconsider the idea that the universe is ‘out to get me’. I’ve started to rewrite that script as the universe presents me with opportunities that I am responsible for deciphering. I have not quite gotten this one, though it could be about me developing my novel and working towards writing a serious plan for a sabbatical to write more and to think more about what it is I expect/need my life to look like as I move forward.

This seems a lot to place on one class, but this class is my tether at this school to the concept of why I teach in the first place. Without that class teaching is a straight up job.

 

Some Thoughts:

1. I have not watched the entire Browns v. Giants game, but I did see Barkley break off a big run. This reinforces what I’ve felt about him thus far: He will take some of the pressure off of Manning.

I’m starting a new tradition: A PPR league with my family. I’m re-starting another tradition: A Madden 19 league with my boys (at least the one). I’ll talk about the Madden thing another time, but here on Waiver Wednesday it is relevant to talk some solid PPR.

I haven’t cracked open the books to figure out who to draft yet. There are some serious options at number one, but as I suggested I want to go last and get that snake effect. I will say that I am thinking about the Browns a lot. There are several new offensive weapons on that team and a defense that started to pull things together last year. Given the magic that is Todd Haley, I think I want to at least look at the QB situation there. I’m very concerned that the media is going to try to make something happen (i.e. push Taylor out) but I feel like the Browns will develop Tyrod Taylor as a hero in this new Hard Knocks and give him a solid chance.

Taylor is not the only one who is dealing with media pressure. Barkley has a lot to live up to given the hype. I think he can shoulder that load. I also think that he won’t be shouldering all the #1 load, because he is going to split reps with Johnathan Stewart. Nobody is really talking about that, but every time I see clips of open practice, Stewart is shuttling in with the 1’s at least half the time. This will affect the numbers.

Remember, football teams don’t give a crap about fantasy leagues. They want to win for reals. As a result they are going to do what is best for the team–and occasionally cow tow to the media.

Some Thoughts:

1. Spending the day with my partner is a wonderful way to split the week. I want more of this. Much more.
2. Working on getting back up to writing speed. Today was… a really rough start.

Long day here. I spent the morning with my partner and thinking about our plans over the next month. Maybe it was the thought of how much had to be planned and juggled which led to the raw panic that was my evening. Maybe I’d just been locked in my house for too long. Regardless, the day went from chill and slow to suddenly needing to be racing around the city dropping off kids and looking for parking in a space where people are bumper to bumper pressed against red curbs.

It was a lot. It was very close to too much. I kept my cool by staying focused on the tasks ahead of me, but I never felt any real sense of peace or even accomplishment. Yet I did make it. I learned from it too. I need to do more with lists and with leaving ahead of schedule. Above all else, I need to have a solid plan for how to feed my kids. I haven’t done well with that lately, and that is going to need to change.

Some Thoughts:

1. I just saw my son’s team in a scrimmage and they were terrible. It felt like the kids had no real understanding of the blocking schemes required to execute a run based double wing. Moreover, the team moved to a passing-based formation and… did not pass. It was a painful thing to watch.
2. Heard dads going on about national championships in 7 on 7 football. Some people make their kids’ sports their lives and I recognize how on the edge of that I still am. I don’t want to drift into that kind of crazy.
3. Still looking for a touch of balance.

I am afraid of first drafts.

I’m serious. They terrify me. I used to love them. I used to get everything down on paper (actual paper!) and feel so great about having it all down and having the chance and ability to do that. Now… Now I am paralyzed with fear every time I try to write a draft, because I expect it to need to be perfect the first time around. I don’t know if I am afraid that I won’t have time to write a second one or that I am worried about what people will think about the first draft. My partner asked to be my beta reader, and I fully intend to take her up on it. I don’t actually have one. She should have always been the one. Instead I put the drafts to a group of people who I am wanting to impress. I don’t need to or want to have to need to impress someone with a first draft. I need to be focused on getting it all down and getting it out of my brain so that I can mold it into something fantastic.

 

Some Thoughts:

1. New York cynicism is deeply important to one’s concept of how great one is. I miss the hell out of it.
2. I watch a lot of bad movies still.

My kid just explained to me that Santa is real, and I don’t know how to feel about it. He’s fairly new to being 9, but young in terms of magical thinking. After he said he believed in Santa he went on to explain that the tooth fairy is 100% real, because there is no way a parent could sneak into your bedroom, move your pillow, and replace a tiny tooth with money. In other words, I am an exceptional thief. Not sure that is something to be proud of, but here we are. Where do we go from here?

I don’t want to tell him. I realize that it is part of parenting to share the horrors of the world with your kids and to help them grow up when it is time. He approached the conversation from the standpoint of others (kids? YouTube? I did not ask…) claiming the falseness of Santa. Maybe this is how flat earther’s get started. Maybe I am exaggerating a small myth that a child relies on in order to still believe there is something magical in this reality.

I did not break that spell. I have no intention of such. The Santa gift hunt will go on this xmas and maybe he will decide it doesn’t matter if Santa is a physical person but instead, as I did say to him, “The spirit of Christmas is the thing that really matters.”

 

I’m struggling with parenthood in the typical way this week–there is too much chaos and not enough time to get anything done. In essence it is the first week of class and that is compounded by the practices all three kids have at different times. This will all simmer down once I’ve worked out a sensible schedule and gotten together a transport plan but in the meanwhile, chaos. I am managing to keep my spirits up and keep my eyes on the goal. These are good things. Doesn’t mean the words are flowing out of me at break neck speed though.

Some Thoughts:

1. Read a post from 2016. I started playing Clash Royale back in June of that year and I am still playing… WTF?
2. My mid kid informed me that he is the best JPW wide receiver in the nation. He was not kidding or attempting to over-inflate his skills. No, he was straight up serious. So, he got my ego.
3. Three episodes in, Cloak and Dagger is following the small screen largess of most other Marvel shows. It recognizes the central role of powers without leaning on that to tell stories. The directing is solid and backed by a consistent episodic format and a solid supporting cast of characters with their own stories.

So, we are doing this fantasy football thing! We discussed it and decided that we all wanted to be involved. I’m talking merged family involvement, draft night antics, etc. This is going to be our first one and there is a good amount of excitement attached to that–for me. Let’s be clear: I am talking about me here. In truth, I believe the (now 5) boys and the partner basically submitted to this situation as a ‘sure, if it makes you happy.’

It does.

Sure, I want them all to want it, but I also appreciate exposing the original franchise boyz to something new and giving them something fun to integrate with the twin towers. I’m a New Yorker… I can make that reference. And I can say that out loud and on paper. So, back to football…

The main bit of conflict this season has been what service to use (again we are talking about me and thus internal conflict). There is the old standby–Yahoo. There is the new flashy NFL network server. Finally, there is ESPN. I’ve used Yahoo and ESPN with varying degrees of success and prefer the smoothness of the yahoo interface. Still, the twins (who aren’t twins at all, but are merely tall) and the partner are used to ESPN. What to do?

Move on for a minute and talk about the game itself?

In that sense I am thinking about not having the first pick. I think that in a snake draft there is more value taking what would be the 7,8 picks overall. Your first 5 are ‘sure things’ which generally relegates you to a QB or a steady RB. 7,8 in terms of there being 32 teams gives you possibly top 5 talent in both areas. So, I expect to trade down should I get a higher draft pick. Who will I pick? That remains to be seen. There are a number of options available. I have my eyes on David Johnson (not the one from the Browns) and Aaron Rogers. I also think I could grab a decent QB in the third/fourth round of picks. A lot of this is based on what kind of strategy I am going with. Am I relying on the NFL being more ground and pound this year?

Time will reveal more answers. Next waiver Wednesday I’ll shore up decisions on when the draft is and what service we are using… and why.

A few moments ago I woke up my boys and informed them that this was the last morning they would be waking up late. School is back. We had a second meet the teacher night (of three) last night followed by additional football practice, all of which left the entire group drained. They slept in. We went to bed late too. All of this adds up to a condition that needs to be be handled relatively quickly. For all of us.

I’ve grown used to fairly late nights. While I don’t sleep in as much as the others, when I am on my solo nights I am up to around 2 AM (barring last night when 10 PM seemed way too damn late). Of course late nights are part of the equation with late practices. We go 2 hrs in the late evening, which puts us on a collision course with bedtime and little opportunity to squeeze in a home cooked meal. I haven’t quite figured out how to work that out. I am thinking about preparing meals ahead of time or arranging to be the guy who brings kids to practice but not bring them home in order to have that hot meal waiting on the table. It comes down to me sitting down and having a serious look at my calendar and my responsibilities and saying, “okay, this is how it is.”

Some Thoughts:

1. No Waiver Wednesday today. I am going to push that to Thursday this week along with a rousing discussion of which particular service to use for my first league with my kids.

I initially termed this ‘Tured Tuesday” which should be all the indication you need of my state of mind. Since that moments I’ve already made six (seven) major typing mistakes requiring me to go back and rewrite things and had to remind myself of what I was trying to say at least once. In other words, I am exhausted (9). There is not going to be a lot here today. I don’t have any sense of why I am so tired (10) (11) or how to solve the issue.

Some Thoughts:

1. I am typing this incredibly slowly, because I got up to 16 by the time I wrote the word ‘issue’.
2. The diet is going well. Slow but well. I am learning how to limit myself and have better food overall. Lots of walnuts and coffee.