4.165. Character Lab

I’m trying to build a cynical teenager and fortunately I do not need to look far. My collection of kids consists of 5 boys and a lone girl. She’s a bit of a cynic herself, but modeling the character for this story is going to take more than her. I think teens are cynical and limited in general. In my term as such I felt like nobody outside of my circle of people could possibly know as much as we did or impact the world–our world–as much as we could. This was obviously a false reality generated by bravado. I have one of those in my 5. I also have one of those in my story–the main character starts his arc this way. This is not the direction I am leaning for this additional character. I need something different.

I am building a character who becomes a critical point in what amounts to a school-shooting styled incident. The character in question winds up on the victim side of the shooter, though doesn’t lose her life. She exists in two different lights. She is seen one way by the boy who loves her and another way by the ‘shooter’. My job here is to figure out what that darker and more cynical nature of hers looks like and how that mirrors the shooter.

I haven’t gotten very far on the shooter (again, I don’t have to look far for the threads of anger common amongst teens). I know that he sees the world as operating in a way that he is forced to put up with and is extremely tired of the people around him and really just wants to do something about it to assert some level of dominance over the situation, because he feels he has a right to tell them about themselves and penalize them for their behavior. This is a trait I see in a lot of teens. Dictionary.com defines cynical in two fashions. First as, “believing that people are motivated by self-interest; distrustful of human sincerity or integrity.” and secondly as, “concerned only with one’s own interests and typically disregarding accepted or appropriate standards in order to achieve them.” This right to penalize fits those definitions lock and key. I feel like this definition is the central motivation for the character’s shooter-style outburst. He doesn’t trust people, he cares deeply about his own stuff/world view, he disregards appropriate standards to deliver his brand of justice.

In other words, he’s a teenage dude.

I’m having fun building these characters as I crawl back towards this novella and the joy I intend to see in getting it finished. I guess that space between stories is nearing it’s edge.

4.164. The Space Between Stories (Or Refractory Rates)

I have 30k to write before I get back to my novel. I just put in 3K on a psuedo-military short that was definitely interesting and fun to write. As a writer I ought to be always writing or researching, but the space between stories can be a gaping void of bad TV. Despite my many attempts to glean nuggets from the shows I watch, it is not at all helpful. My partner insists I watch male soap operas. Seal Team, Evil, 911, etc. I suppose you could say one of those is not like the other, but that is not the point. The point is that the space between stories is a trap that sucks me in and often threatens for stories to never be completed.

They are though–completed. I believe less tv and video games would me more and more story, and my 2020 promises to provide the opportunities for that. I just need to let it happen, sliding towards the writers’ life like a boy at the top of a snow covered hill racing towards opportunity. I am very much looking forward to what is to come in my life, though I harbor fears that my physical transformation is not keeping pace with my desires. That is what the gym is for. I’ll eventually be there on a regular schedule.

Some Thoughts:

  1. Quite disjointed today. I feel like I am at my best as a writer when I am writing or at least reading stories. I am doing neither at this particular moment, so things need a changing.
  2. Still happy about the recent Fantasy Football win. One step closer to the ‘ship with two weeks left to play. The next two possible match ups are dangerous affairs given that it is the end of season and fewer teams have anything left to play for. More on that this Wednesday.
  3. More on Xmas as well. We are swiftly approaching the season to be jolly. In fact, we are in it and I still have yet to spread a decent amount of xmas cheer to all…