I’m not really good at video games anymore. It is synonymous with the way I’ve felt about writing as of late. I used to be pretty good. One day I looked up and everyone else was better and I was just confused and slow. This can be attributed to a number of things—first and foremost being dedication.
I am not as committed to the game as I was in the past. To quote a scene from a movie I often quote, I’m ‘not about that life’ though this raises the question: what life am I about? No idea. Maybe age has weathered me. Maybe success (however limiting and menial) has weathered me. Maybe I just have lost the ability to focus due to over compartmentalizations. Lots of maybes and one clear result. I’m just not that good anymore.
In some ways I’ve lost the competitive fire. Again, it could be age but it could just be that it doesn’t mean as much anymore. Why? Likely because I have too much going on. I’ve long believed in the Batman method. You drop out of society, go grind in a cave Or a lab somewhere and come back as the baddest dude in the game. I have lost quite the bit of grindheart over the years and I need to discover why.
yesterday while I was cleaning the house (yes, on Xmas day) I stumbled across books i used to fall into—-I used to read to train for about everything and I noticed that I don’t anymore. It falls back to that idea of dedication and time. What do I want to spend it on and am I all in? I can’t say that I am anymore.
if you’re wondering if we are still talking about video games… maybe.