“Grab them by the pussy.” He said. Yet because he has the momentum of the GOP and a fraction of our nation and churches behind him, we choose to ignore these things. We choose to ignore or highlight all kinds of things about people, because it allows us to reflect back upon them what we think is important and beyond that reflect back upon them what we ourselves fear, face, and need to address.
This is a post that is about Kobe and not about Kobe. In 2003 Kobe was accused of rape by a then 19 yr old hotel worker. In the wake of the #metoo arrival, these cases have gained more attention and the victims (both individual victims and the collective of people who feel victimized) have sought to highlight this as the central tenet of any one person who has this mark upon them. As they brand their scarlet letters upon the chests of men (and yes, the movement has predominantly focused on men) the goal has increasingly been to bring down more and more noted and powerful figures, as if to say, “This is what all men we revere do. This is what all men we revere are.” I argue that the goal of such things is to view public figures through the walls of a glass house and say aloud that what they have done matters only in the context of what they have been accused of.
But what did he do? In the post-accusation statement Kobe spoke from a well-crafted and prepared lawyer statement in which he said, “I also want to make it clear that I do not question the motives of this young woman. No money has been paid to this woman. She has agreed that this statement will not be used against me in the civil case. Although I truly believe this encounter between us was consensual, I recognize now that she did not and does not view this incident the same way I did. After months of reviewing discovery, listening to her attorney, and even her testimony in person, I now understand how she feels that she did not consent to this encounter. “
There is a ton to unpack there–especially in consideration of the 2.5 million dollar max a victim may be awarded in a civil lawsuit of this sort, the fact that she came from a supposedly prominent and wealthy family, and the fact that DNA evidence revealed she had been with multiple men that evening. There are reasons on both sides not to go to trial and key among them I believe is the quiet role that her parents and Kobe’s wife played in the choices that were made. Still, I am not excusing the actions. I am saying that the actions are not the period at the end of his life.
So why then do we treat it that way?
Earlier I mentioned Trump. Will he be remembered as an orange-faced womanizer and recipient of 23 sexual misconduct allegations? Probably not. There are levels and reasons here. One obvious one being that he is a politician now and there are different rules and emotional attachments in place. We tell ourselves (even subconsciously) that we voted for this person and we as a result are complicit. We never want to be complicit. Which is part of why the Kobe stuff is coming out now. It is the way that many in the media are saying they were not complicit.
Well, I am saying that he is still a hero and deserves to be treated like one. Heroes are human and their crimes should not be excused, but they should not be defined by such things–especially when no crime has been adjudicated and no final truth discovered.