Day: September 1, 2020

Well, I am in my new writing space. I am happy with the space as it currently exists, but I am entirely open to change and advancement based on what is going to make me more productive. As is, I think the space lends itself to creativity. We have colorful walls and three bookshelves (plus) worth of inspiration. We have an acidwash floor that just screams creativity and good lighting at the desks themselves.

Speaking of desks, we are at opposite ends of the room, giving each of us enough space to work and be productive, but allowing the ease of spinning around and having a conversation. At one point we considered putting a bookshelf between us as a room divider, but it felt pointless. What is the value of sharing a space if your first recourse is to hide yourself behind a bookcase? For me the only value in the bookcase idea was to be able to have a great zoom background where I sit at the nexus of books. That is not going to be ‘the way’ and I am going to be okay with that.

I needed this. I need a space that I feel is my own and I am comfortable with. I share it with her, but I have my own side and my own desk and my own setup that mirrors hers but is absolutely different–an alternate world reflection as if drawn from the early Superman comics. The entire setup brings a smile to my face that touches my ears, and we aren’t even done with it yet. We intend to add a couch to make the space feel cozy.

I’m happy, and that matters.

Today was a tough work day. I was swamped with a number of work details that needed ironing out and I failed entirely to access my creativity. I did not write. I still have not written anything of creative value in several days. Time and again there just is not time to do the things I want to do, and that is because of how things transpire on a day to day basis. Today it was kids and the drama commonly associated with co-parenting along with birthday planning.

Here is the thing: When one parent feels like the balance of responsibility is shifting then they fight that shift. I am dealing with that in the most mundane of ways–Paperwork. I don’t mind doing paperwork, however I cannot do the paperwork needed for this, and that should be enough for the ex to take the weight. As with everything it ends up being about more than that. It ends up being about that shift of responsibility and the kids suffer as a result.

I am going to need to let them deal with it on their own. I do a lot. I cannot continue being the one who carries all the weight.