Day: April 23, 2021

The Word of the Day is Bogart (made famous by the actor of the same name and meaning to consume all or bully someone)

Bogart

“Give it back!” Selisha screamed. Even with her chocolate skin the hints of anger flush still showed in her cheeks. Her thin arms strained, looking comical given the frills of the pink dress and matching pink glitter shoes. Her hair was done up in pigtails adorned with hair ties that were, unsurprisingly, pink. In fact the only thing she had to complete the ensemble that wasn’t pink was no longer in her possession. And Selisha very much wanted it back.

“Not a chance.” Said Clay, her older, but apparently less mature, brother. He was braced against the doorframe straining against her surprising strength. In his hands was a light brown teddy bear with a pink bow around its neck. He had the bear by the legs. As she continued to scream he adjusted his grip, finding purchase on the things soft belly. He wasn’t planning to let go.

“You better give it back right now!”

“You better back up before I rip it apart!” She only had hold of the bears head in one hand, the other clinging to an ear the way her mother scolded Clay when he acted up. Except she wouldn’t be scolding him today. She wouldn’t be scolding him ever again.

“No!” Her screams had that frantic edge to them, as if she screamed to keep herself from sobbing. “Give me Mr. Bear!”

But he wouldn’t give it to her. Slowly his power overwhelmed her. In moments he had the bear by the head and worked to pry her fingers away, each moment fed by grunts and whimpers. He shoved her hard and she fell back against the floor. He stood over her then, smirking. He said, “It’s my bear, punk.”

She didn’t respond. She stared up at him, eyes wet but unwilling to release the tears, knowing that if she started she wouldn’t stop and there was no one left to stop her, not anymore. She wiped at her eyes, watching him. He continued to smile, taking a step back and then another. Finally he turned and ran off deeper into the house.

It was fine. She didn’t need the bear. She had to not need the bear anymore. She had to not need a lot of things anymore. Selisha climbed to her feet and brushed at her dress, hoping she could smooth out the wrinkles. She needed to go to school soon and she wanted to look her best.

Long day of yard work which led to my back feeling like it belongs to a much older man. I can fight through that, but only for a little while. In the end I wind up in bed with a heat pack on it for more hours than I am truly prepared for. My firstborn needs to start driving and take some of that pressure off of me. It is going to happen in the next few weeks. I intend to force the issue.

Speaking of forcing the issue, I find that I am getting closer to my deadline and spending less time than required on the project. I cannot finish if I don’t work, and I don’t work for nearly long enough. It needs to be far more of a priority than it has been. At the same time some of these chapters are flat out hard to write–it is about making it sound the way I want and feeling lost and disappointed when that doesn’t happen (colloquially known as the writing process).

Well, back to the page… right after I share…

Some Thoughts:

1. Now that the decision has been made to move my son to a different team, it raises the question about whether or not I should coach him this final season. The original plan had been to not to. I trusted the coaching he was getting. This new experience means new coaching, but it is also the same staff he will deal with at the high school level, with a few youth coaches added to the mix. So, the real decision is about what I want my involvement to look like. Deep down? I want to be a part of it. I want to coach. However, I do not know if I should. I had up to this point decided to not coach. So, I should stick to it. At the least I should have a real conversation about it with my partner–get her input. Find out where I truly stand.
2. My mid kid is getting better at the track stuff, though it is not showing in his times. His times are getting worse. I don’t quite get the correlation. Moreover, he’s getting beat by other freshmen (from other schools) which never used to happen. He’s slipped to 11th overall in his age group, which is not where he wants to be.