If I had to define my downfall it would be that I’m easily knocked off my game. I am great when in the zone but once that zone is broken it is hard to find my way back. Breaking the zone is about emotional distress. If I let the world (specifically the home and the relationships therein) leak in, then I’m done. I might not write well that day. I might not write at all. I got knocked out the zone this morning and now I am trying to figure a way back in. There is much to be done, and even more that I want to do with my writing today, but I cannot even complete a sentence without an error every third word at least. It is difficult to be in this headspace and understand how to break back into a more positive one. Instead I linger on all the problems of home and all of the anger and stress and insecurity that this space creates for me. Sometimes leaving works, but that comes with a price tag of its own. Sooner or later you need to account for what you are running away from.
If it feels like more and more of these posts are about the difficult home space, they are. This is at the forefront of my thinking more and more and I still lack a viable solution. I’ll figure it out one day and that too will go in the book on writing.