Fun fact: Depression makes you tired. In an NCBI interview, a doctor stated. “We see prominent symptoms of fatigue in the majority of patients with depression. In fact, fatigue is one of the most prevalent presenting symptoms of MDD, the second most prominent residual symptom of MDD, and is often associated with impaired concentration, irritability, and reduced productivity.” I find all of this to be particularly troubling given my recent dip into the land of the clinically depressed.
My depression was triggered by an open and violent attack on my parenting skills coupled with the timing of letting my kid down and also recognizing that there are significant flaws in how I’ve related to my step kids to the point where the love and even respect is limited in different measures on both sides. In other words, what was said about my skills triggered a landmine that blew up my emotional condition. I don’t believe that what was said is true (that I’m a terrible father), however I do believe the perception exists and remains the dominant perception in the minds of many people. There are two camps–those who se me as sports dad/coach and those that see me as a bad father. There are a few people who don’t exist in either camp, and that’s probably a positive thing, but I’ve allowed those camps to become definitive of the role and how I permit myself to be perceived in life. So, when the hate rained down on me at a time when my kid was in need, it really hurt me. It hurt him too, because I straight up did the right thing in the moment and it hurt him in the moment.
Which according to everyone around him in the moment only reinforced the fact that I am a terrible father.
So, I grew depressed. It hurt to see all of that go down and the results of the emotional snafu impacted my kid greatly. Hopefully we are past that now. It’s too bad my body is not.
Some Thoughts:
- New novel work stars next week!