Let’s look back to 2.211..
And in terms of we what are we and why are we? how does existence exist? what holds it? what is the container in which the universe is held? what is it expanding into? The questions are endless and headache building, but they must be asked.
I was waxing about the universe. Later, in the thoughts, I was waxing about being burned out. I think I feel a little bit of both still, 6 years later. I am no closer to understanding the nature of death or the universe. I am no less burned out on specific things in my life–be it apologizing for being me, be it dealing with kids not liking me, be it not liking myself all that often. I am kind of done with all of it. Life often feels like the standing on the edge of a cliff knowing that every step up is going to be a bitch and if you don’t pay full attention to what you are doing, then you’re going to fall and you are probably taking people down with you.
How does existence exist? I don’t know. I do know that the why has to be better than the bullshit we focus our daily lives upon. We spend so much time trying to feel good about ourselves, be it through causing others to feel good about us or through other means. I opt for the former, which I’ve come to realize is and has always been the biggest mistake of my life. One day or day one, right? Well, I opt for day one of feeling good in and about my own skin and moving forward from there. I am fully sick of being beholden to how others feel about me. How I feel about me matters, and it is my purview to construct what that is.