I am up at 3 in the morning, typically a bad sign for the day to come. In reality, I’ve been up since a little after midnight. Stress is gnawing at me. It isn’t the writing or anything in particular. It is a combination of factors that has me not able to sleep through the night and worried about what each new day might bring. When I was younger I would pass these spells off as a moment in time. I’d chalk my woes up to tech gremlins, get mad about it for a beat, then move along. Now the tech gremlins feel like a smaller part of the problem, but one that tips me over the edge. We just replaced our water heater for an exorbitant fee that is being added to an already stressed budget. I am trying to come to an understanding of how to get this credit load down while still maintaining a lifestyle we are both happy living and simultaneously planning and funding a wedding. It is a lot to do all at once. Add to that the minor stresses indicated in the previous post, and it is no wonder why I cannot sleep.
I don’t begin to understand what to do about any of it. The issues I face are being handled. The work is slow and difficult, but it is happening over a timespan I determined myself and it is going according to plan. Sadly, that is not enough to relieve the stress of it. I’ve lost my bearing on how to relieve stress in general. I cannot find anything that does it for me for any significant period of time. That leads me to wondering if my heart issues are going to be impacted by all of this. Based on this night without sleep, they certainly will be.
I am short a realistic system to deal with the daily stress in my life. As more issues pile on I am becoming worried that I don’t have a way to stay ahead of the stress crash. Worrying about that only makes it go faster.