The Lady Talis says I am taking on too much. She is in a better position to see these things than I am. I tend to live in the saying, “Can’t see the forest for the trees.” There are a lot of trees lately. I failed at hitting a class deadline yesterday because I was too burned out to give more feedback. That was the moment I knew it for myself. Nevermind that she’d already told me days before.
I don’t ever want to believe I cannot take on the challenges in front of me. Even today I argued that the work should not wear on me. It does, because, as she is quick to point out, I am in fact human. Yeah, I want to be more. I want to have my subconscious wired to a data feed that allows me to absorb and send out writing. I want that ability to be prolific.
I don’t know that I want to shave off the amount of life that is required in order to be prolific. Well, maybe not so much want as unable to do so in certain aspects. I cannot stop teaching and become a full time writer in this economic climate. I don’t have the name or the big name stories for it yet. If the Justice Engine hits, then we can talk about change. Until then we’re talking about balance and coping with the things I cannot change.
What can I change? I can lock in more. I can make sure I use the time I do have effectively and not spiral out into distractions as is all too common. I can reinforce my writing time by listening to better fiction. I can be smart about how I take classes and how I teach them. All of this is about gearing up for the next act–the next challenge in my life. I am getting ready for whatever change may come, and my eyes are open for what it could be.