Day: April 30, 2025

The Lady Talis and I are both having horrible nightmares. Add to this the fact that our room feels stuffier than it has all year, and I am beginning to sense a pattern. The space is impacting my sleep and hers. This has been going on for some time. I rarely sleep an entire night. For a while I thought I was suffering from early onset Parkinson’s disease when the lack of sleep was coupled with muscle spasms. The cause, however, may be more rooted in our space than in anything else. We are dealing with a space that has pressure issues, and we are dealing with a space that has heat issues. That combination is causing me problems that are only exacerbated by how I sleep and how the different types of pillows and heights we individually choose to sleep at.

The dreams are of the most awful anxiety type. Any real world fears that sink into our minds are pushed beyond reality and mixed in with the stray thoughts and concerns of the day. It generally starts off well and gets dark quickly. Mine tend to drift into fears about bugs and other nasty little surprises that await in the darkness. The really bad ones always focus on realities crashing into one another and dealing with alternative versions of people I love. They get worse and longer throughout the night until the only escape is waking up in the darkness and trying to find something to occupy my mind until day breaks.

I did the most basic of research about the problem and learned that poor air circulation will lead to an increase CO? buildup, which affects brain oxygenation and triggers frequent awakenings. It can also cause headaches and anxiety as well as headaches and brain fog, which is what often triggers such negative states. So, knowing the problem can help me begin to fix it. However, fixing it is going to take a bit of doing. We don’t have a ton of options for a solid fix. Part of what will work is finding ways to improve or increase airflow. Perhaps a second fan or something along those lines that can move air and even cool the air will be helpful. The pressure issue is going to take a bit more doing. That is probably the biggest problem to be fixed.

At least its a project. I do love a project.

The semester is about over. The teaching part of it is very much about over and I am at the stage where my body and mind are failing successively I walked for two miles today and felt fatigue one in. Don’t even get me started on the thinking. I’m not quite at that stage in my life anymore where I end a semester feeling full and refreshed. I leave off feeling a need for escape and usually escape to parts unknown and to be known and to get to know. The escape drives me. I fall into this constant cycle of hope that I can teach enough summer courses to fund my version of crazy. I’m getting closer.

Ultimately, the thing I want is to be done and to be focusing on the novel. I need to lock in and get it finished. The revision process is long and has required a massive rewrite, so I need to put in the hours. I was on such a great page with that and now I feel entirely lost thanks to all of the other stuff taking up residence in my head and life.

Overall, I am just tired.

There is more than enough going on right now. Saturday is the spring game for Northern Colorado, marking the kid’s first opportunity to show out on this new team. I am looking forward to seeing how he does and how prepared he is for the summer and the tough season ahead.