Day: August 26, 2025

It is 4:53 by the clock on my computer. I have been awake for over three hours. I am a bit tired, coming off three hours of sleep, and I am a lot worried about the growing deterioration of my mind as a result of not getting good sleep in weeks. I can make a half dozen excuses about why the situation is as it is, but the one truth I return to is that I am not doing enough physically or mentally to settle myself by the end of the night. I’ve gone from walking 5+ miles a day to walking 5+ minutes a day and rarely leaving the house–even to empty the garbage. I’ve gone from two or more hours of morning writing to not doing any fiction at all and struggling to keep up with the blog. In truth, the only writing I seem to be accomplishing is prepping for this semester. Most of that is editorial in nature. I’m trying to shoehorn existing material into a form that works for my purposes. The more creative endeavors–the two classes I have on Wednesday that still need building–aren’t even getting done. I lack creative energy.

I need to move by body to get it back.

I need to find peace to get it back. Part of that is location, of course. Heck, most of it I believe to be locational. I do not do well here with the space and responsibilities and vibe. I’ve complained about the nature of this for days and yet I continue to spiral dangerously. So, what is to be done about this?

For now, I’m going to work in a few hours. I’ll see if being in front of students helps me get moving.

It ought to be a refelction on a semester start. This was the first day of my teaching semester with several online classes making their start. I didn’t start them on time, because it is that kind of year. I’m not at the top of my game with this janky return to the desert, but I am working on getting myself back and getting myself right. I need to do it faster and I need to do it in a healthy fashion. I am not the person I was before summer and I am trying to move forward/be better.

That means remembering the blog at least.

As I write, I am enjoying the marble league in the background. The time on the episode aligns with the ten for the blog, so I have that visual and audio cue to let me know when time is up as opposed to checking a watch or a timer. I need to get back to some organization in my life. Today I moved and sweated a little bit and cleaned a little bit and got to a point where I was actually doing stuff. I don’t know if it is enough to get a good night’s sleep, because I haven’t had one of those since I landed.

I need to get right. I want to get right. I intend to get back on schedule. I set myself up to be the first review in this upcoming Grad course, and that ought to get me rolling and working on the draft of the novel. It has to be solid. I want to make that move to general fiction and make it powerfully. I don’t know if this is the right story or the right character and I am losing faith in my ability to write it. That being said, I want to give it my all. I’m learning in this class and learning again. I need that learning. I need that routine.

I need to get back to doing it.