Day: May 31, 2026

We are drifting into afternoon and I am feeling quite reflective about life right now. I had a rough evening and my mind and heart are fluttering terribly. I don’t understand it, because life is good. I’m in a really good space in my relationship and there are no real problems in my life… Which is why this small stuff feels so big. So, what are the issues? Well, my youngest is moving through the college recruiting process without me. I mean, sure, he reaches out if he needs money or someone to take him somewhere, but when it comes to the official (read: free) visits he doesn’t even tell me about them unless I ask. That’s what has me in such a funk about how I raised him. He went on an official visit to Oregon State this weekend and after I texted him what his plans were for the weekend on Friday he told me he was heading to the airport… That is not good communication or a good parent-child relationship. I get he is staying with his mom this summer, but why does that delete me from any sense of understanding about what is happening in his life? That led me down a dark hole to a realization that the only school that has talked to me in any form is the only one I spent a thousand dollars to bring him to visit.

The rest don’t even know that he has a father.

There’s the part that gets me down. They don’t know I exist, which means I don’t in any meaningful way for them and conversely, him. How should a parent react to that state of things? I don’t know. I’m still feeling out the edges of how I feel about it and why.

The rest of the downers have to do with writing. It is the longest running thing of importance in my life. I’ve been a writer since I could lift a pencil. I feel more and more that the life of writing is slipping from my grasp as I find myself writing stuff that isn’t vibing with what is left of my creativity. I’m eating out of the bottom of the carton here. Don’t know what to do about that dwindling creativity and how it does not gel with the stuff I am working on. I’m struggling to find character voices and motives in all of these 5 projects I’m engaged in. Being engaged in 5 projects (3 of which are for the same topical project) is a part of the problem to be sure. I hate feeling like I need to get through the work vs. enjoying and falling into the process of the work. I need to be able to get back to that place if I am going to write anything genuine and interesting.

I just don’t know if I can find my way back.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “A rematch of 1999: It’s Spurs vs. Knicks for NBA title, after teams met in NBA Cup final as well” 27 years later we get the rematch. I am so happy for all the players who have stuck around to see this moment in time. Last matchup was about another generational Spur doing his thing… Yeah, script is looking kinda tough. I still have hope.
2. Laying off the politics as much as possible because they bring me nothing but pain. I’ll leave that mix of pain and snark to Last Week Tonight.

I think…

I am tired and tired of being behind on all my work. It creates a basic level of stress that is way too high and drains my mental energy quickly. The Lady Talis thinks I’m sad (or angry) and I am really just wiped. I need to get back to a place where I write stories I care about, and if I don’t care about stories anymore then I ought not write.

I think…

I cannot wait for football season to kick back into gear. I want to see my kids shine. Specifically, I want to see the college player shine. He’s in an even better position than he was last year to succeed and at 19 years old, he’s getting to a physical place he can really thrive at. A junior at 19 is a bit crazy, but perhaps he’ll get two more years… The rising high school senior is taking official visits right now, and that is a trip. It dims that senior spotlight a little in terms of excitement, because by the time he hits the field we will already have his verbal commitment to a school.

I think…

That speaking of the rising senior, he just got some national recognition as an official 3 star athlete and ranked #59 nationally at the ATH position. Still cannot crack the top 100 best AZ 2027 players, according to one specific journalist who has no idea he exists… You’ll find out, Obert.

I think…

I got hustled at the grocery store. It was only four bucks, but it still stung. See, the 24 pack of water was 3.99. I paid 8.27. They claimed tax on the individual bottles (my best guess) plus some other odd taxes. I was too tired to care and paid it like a fool, but next time I’m gonna stand my ground on that nonsense. multiple bottle purchases of this sort are not subject to that tax.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Trump to headline ‘Great American State Fair’ for nation’s 250th anniversary after artists drop out” This is hilarious.