Another day, another blog almost missed. I am amazed at how quickly the habit falls away when the mind is cluttered by a great many other things. Stress is eating away at the core of what powers me and I can do very little about it other than to believe that this too shall pass. I am stressed about my living situation and what that means for my life and love moving forward. This too shall pass. I am stressed about my classes and the continuing failure to stay on top of the grading and to effectively release new material at the time (schedule) I want. This too shall pass. I am stressed about the writing projects not getting done in a timely manner. This too shall pass. I am stressed about the number of stories I need to read and judge for a competition over the course of this week. This too shall pass. I am stressed about the schedule for the week not being clear in my head. This too shall pass. I am stressed about how tired I have been lately–to the point where the fatigue seems to effect me in other areas. This too shall pass. I am stressed about not coaching and slowly coming to terms with leaving that part of my life behind–even if it does feel unfinished and always will feel unfinished and unproven. This too shall pass. I am stressed about tomorrow and not having a good gift for my sister. This too shall pass. I am stressed about my new writing class and not having prepared the required information in any timely way. This too shall pass. I am stressed about letting everyone down when it feels like people need things from me and need me to be organized and I am just not right now. I am overwhelmed. This too shall pass.
There are half a dozen more things I am stressing over that I can’t even list because they are further down the list of stresses and have been largely overridden by the larger scale stresses. They are the pain I’ll feel once I’ve dealt with this pain. I am stressed and all of it comes back to not taking time for myself to deal with any of the stressors. Instead the time I do get alone is spent checking out on reality in any way possible, because dealing with the unreal is far easier than dealing with the mountain of work and drama I need to hollow out in order to have any sense of where things are in my professional life.
It is wearing on me to the point that this key moment of my day in which I actually write is being totally overlooked.