So, it has not gone that great so far.
Some weeks you come into it feeling like the world is going to open doors for you. Others you feel like the world wants to catch you in an alley and rough you up. This feels like the latter to me. I feel like I don’t understand anything going on in my personal universe and feel that I am not only supposed to but I ought to feel dirty for not being ahead of the game mentally.
I’m not in the mindset of knowing what I want beyond the clearest and most simple of moments. I want to curl up with my partner. I want to watch the Chiefs v. Ravens. I want to get the things done I need to get done. I don’t want to sleep. I don’t have a clue what to eat, so as a result I don’t want to eat. I’m not playing video games because I feel like that is time I should be doing other stuff.
I need to find inner peace. It is not happening and it is causing the life around me to deteriorate because nobody is happy. The results are a function of the process and the process is not working.