Nah. Couldn’t do it. Spent the entire time on…
Some Thoughts:
- I am starting at the end here. I go into this blog with a lot of anger clouding my senses. There are parts of my life that are, in a very real sense, logjams. There are touch points that are actually no touch points and situations that, when I say them out loud, I wind up feeling very alone and isolated in learning how to deal with them. The way, apparently, is to speak and operate in a fashion/language/style that accommodates everyone else’s understanding of where I am, but when where I am is at a place of anger, I revert back to a place of darkness where I find myself listing what I have done and what I don’t think will work. That is my short hand for ‘help me find something new’ and every time I reach the answer is ‘you don’t want help’
- If I didn’t want help I wouldn’t be explaining what I know and don’t know.
- The truth is, I am tired. I am tired of watching everything around me fall to pieces on a near weekly basis. I am tired of the stress and the drama and everyone having something to complain about in these tiny lives that we have. If there is one thing I have learned from Covid 19 it is that the less people have in their lives, the more we focus on what is wrong with what they have in their lives vs. what is right about it.
- I’m too often a victim of my own negativity in that sense, and that always comes out when confronted with these logjams. More to the point that always comes out when I seek a shared understanding and find none.
- I’m going to be angry for a while. I’m going to figure out a way to breathe through it.