Day: October 2, 2024

I am, at this point, desperately out of shape. A mere walk across my small campus pulls my heart rate up to 115. Later, after I sat for a while I felt it in my chest. This is a clear and present sign that all is not well and I am not on a healthy path. Yet I continue to delude myself in moments that I am on the up and things are going to be okay. TLDR: I’m acting like the New York Giants.

I am not the only one to realize they’re using up Malik Nabers. He’s been targeted so much that teams are starting to let him catch the rock only to rock him once he lays hands on ball. He wound up concussed last week. It won’t be the last time this happens, because everyone knows the rock is going to one of two places. The other is into the hands of the shifty RB turned WR Robinson, though he is getting about 3 yards a catch. He’s not worth worrying about unless you’re in a pure 1 to 1 ppr format or a defense in a short yardage situation. I don’t see a bright future for the Giants this season. My ultimate hope is they fall far enough to secure Travis Hunter. Pairing him with Nabers would be filthy. Still need a QB who can stretch the field with his arm, and Jones is no longer that guy. It may be that he never was. That means that Hyatt is worthless in Giants blue until the QB issue is fixed. With any luck, the G-Men will be able to navigate their selections towards a solid QB. There are enough coming out this year that a high round 2 pick may yield a starting QB.

As for me? The Talislegger franchise is definitely in trouble. I’m starting to understand that it is going to take more than good vibes to get me back on track.

I had a specific thought in mind when I went looking for a turnback. I wanted to look back as far as I could into when I was married to, well, a toxic person. I wanted to look back at it because I remember feeling guilt for leaving that person behind. I remember thinking to myself, “she needs you.” along with “She is killing you.” It turns out she was actually killing me. I ate in a fashion that would have killed me by now. That in conjunction with the terrible daily stress was going to be my end.

The reason I wanted to reach back that far was to reflect on how I felt then as opposed to now. I’m healthier physically and mentally. I have a partner who loves me in spite of as opposed to in order to… I don’t have to worried about being called stupid or a plethora of other demeaning and degrading things when she or her sisters don’t get their way. My boys get to see what a happy couple is supposed to look like. I’m grateful for where I am today. I am grateful for who I am with.

I was triggered to stare back by it being Tuesday, but more immediately by the ex attempting another controlling rant. I honestly have gained the peace to largely tune it out now. That’s another moment of growth for me. I find that I’ve learned quite a bit since back in post 1876 when I suggested,

I fear many relationships are torn apart by a failure to communicate and if we could all just reiterate what we want and need–without getting angry or defensive about the need to reiterate–a lot more relationships would be happy ones.

I am learning to communicate even now. I am honest in this new space and love and I feel like that will take us far in our shared future.