I’m learning to be proud of the small moments. I am learning to see myself as this stone cast out into the waters of creation, and notice the ripples I have. I used to be a person who was defined entirely by the group of people I associated with. Now that I have become incredibly insular in my old(er) age I suppose that lack of a community is a definition of sorts. However, I choose to look at it as the ripple. I define myself by who in the world I impact. Perhaps I should use another analogy:
When I think of the vastness of space, I think of the many many small particles and even larger bodies floating through the infinite void (don’t get me started on the concept of infinity and why/how it exists…) Deep in that cosmos imagine if you will a small rock. It isn’t large enough to shatter a star or impact a planet. However, it is large enough to touch another rock and impact the progress of that larger body. I am beginning to see myself as that initial rock. I am impacting the lives and have impacted the lives of many and that should continue to be my legacy. Who we impact and how–the nature of the way–we do so matters. When I started teaching my goal was to replace myself. I believe I’ve done that much by cultivating a style of teaching and the desire in a handful to teach in that style–at all levels of teaching. My work there is done. In writing I’ve long held the dual goal of reaching/inspiring other writers and telling a story that helps someone want to tell their own. I have not done that. This is the work that remains. This is the forward focus.
This morning I woke up in planning mode. It is a small moment, but a monumental accomplishment for someone who is self-described as ‘forcibly lazy.’ The thing with that description is it leaves desire out of the equation. When I want something; when I believe in what I am doing; when I have purpose I am a lion. This morning I rose with purpose and understanding.
That makes me a dangerous man.