10 Minute Rule

I’ve been wanting to cross continents off my list for some time now, and while it isn’t a continent in its own right Japan counts as part of Asia. Add that to Europe, Africa, and North America I’m about to be a little less than halfway done. We are going to see Nippon and this represent a huge moment in my life and the lives of our kids. This is big. It is moving way past my comfort zone to try on an experience I once only dreamed possible. This is what living is supposed to look like: you try new stuff, keep pushing yourself, and you find out what makes you happy. In contrast I live more than half my life in a world of lazy satisfaction where the couch is the center of the universe and the world is piped in one youtube clip at a time. Yes, I play video games a lot, and that is part of the problem. Yes I contributed to a culture here that is downright toxic and borderline medically unsafe. However, what I helped to make I can also help to unmake.

I want this trip to be a step forward for everyone. I will do all that I can to make that into fact. I can only lead them to that step–they have to want to move forward like I want to move forward. They are excited the way I am and the way my partner is, so that is a healthy start.

Track season is over for my kid. He came in 9th in the D1 State Championships where only 8 advance to the finals. That 9th place time of 15.52 was not enough to advance to the top 18 (he was 21) of the open State championships this weekend. So he ends the year with a time of 15.10 in the 110h and 40.74 in the 300h, which is nearly a full second faster in the 110, and over a second faster in the 300 than last year. He did all of it just 8 weeks off a broken leg. So, I’m saying there is room for growth here. I believe he has a chance to break 13 and 38 next year with the proper training and rest. He’s emerging into the senior athlete he and I expected him to become.

His little brother is making his own waves, down to 11.99 in the 100m and setting school records in the 100h. He’ll be competing on the 20th in the youth state championships, so his season is not yet over. However, they are both entering summer practice for football together. They have not played together in years, and it is exciting to see them have the chance again finally.

Youth sports are about done. The last one is moving into high school, and I am excited to finally be able to watch that and feel like I am really just a fan while other coaches take the lead. It is time for that–long past time probably.

Some Thoughts:

1. Giants looking solid in the off-season. Still need to sign Barkley and possibly get a trade going for Isiah Simmons or Patrick Queen.. or both. If the Giants could secure those players for late round picks knowing they need to resign them next year, they could revamp the LB corps and turn the defense into something very hard to stop. Heck, throw in Chase Young who, when healthy, is a menace, and that’s three players who could put the G-Men in the #1 D spot.

Occasionally the day gets away from you and, by the time you realize you still have things to do, you lack the mental energy to do them. This is, in part, why I walk first thing in the morning (followed by a heavy dose of gaming). I should also write then, but I rarely do. Getting going is always hard for me. If it weren’t I’d be prolific. I say ‘always forward’ but I would love to get back to my college year’s production when I had so much less responsibilities and a much higher work ethic. I’m old and working on a reset. I believe I’ll get to a new level—a smarter level of productivity. It will take what my partner refers to as ‘balance’. Clearly I lack that as I am writing from my phone around 10pm.

Started reading Paul Tremblay’s A Head full of Ghosts whose title is based on the Bad Religion song of the same name. Heck, he even quotes the thing. It reminded me of how little I know of the history of so many authors out there in the world who’ve influenced people. Tremblay has that connection to Punk Rock, and it may resonate in aspects of his work. You see that duality in the character(s) of Knock at the Cabin Door, which is an adaptation of his novel The Cabin at the End of the World. I don’t read a lot of his stuff, but I’m about to. I feel like I am learning more and more about being an author–particularly how much it is about putting out own influences out there and those influences not being so dang mainstream.

Good writing comes from pain. I have that to spare. However, the catch is to not just preach or bleed but to drag the reader along with you so that they can feel what you feel by feeling for the characters and putting themselves in those same situations and wondering what they would do. This is about being on a journey–not so much an escape. Often that journey brings us back to where we are but with more power. That is a thing books do so well that movies do not. It takes a lot longer and a lot more investment to get there. You have to want to get there. Moreover, you have to put in the work. It cannot be passive. This is why, I think, many people don’t like to read. It isn’t passive. You have to engage and work and puzzle and feel and interpret. Some movies, the really good ones, can do some of that, but not in the way that books will force upon you.

All of this is to say I have a lot (a lot is my word of the day, obviously) of growing to do and that is meant to take me to a place where I help the readers connect with themselves.

Some Thoughts:

1. There are many complexities to discuss in the ever-evolving world of sports come Wednesday. Stay Tuned!
2. Noticed that there have been a few comments over the years… mostly link-backs to older posts. Odd that. Is there an AI watching?

Another day, another shooting. This one carried out by a White Supremacist named Maurio Garcia. The number of Hispanic men who claim white supremacy is increasing and I find that particularly terrifying. I shouldn’t. I recognize the idea of passing and see it writ large in our social systems. I get Uncle Thomas and all the rest who think they are part of a collective that they truly aren’t. The fact that they are often first in line to wield their power against the ‘other’ as a way to prove themselves is a tool that has been used for decades. It is a powerful way to create violence and force change without actually getting your hands dirty. As insidious as it sounds, it is also entirely commonplace. So why am I surprised? Because I continue to believe that we as a nation will get this under control and find a way to heal ourselves.

I don’t think I’ll be surprised again, because I am starting to understand that we are also actively fighting against healing ourselves and bettering ourselves because there is no profit or power in that. It hurts me to see it, but it is there in front of my eyes.

I go through this thing during any significant transition where I shut down and find excuses not to do my work. When I received an email the other day notifying me of the arrival of a new Pokémon TCG for my phone I knew exactly what would happen next. I’m presently 12-6 with a trash deck filled with the best trash cards I could find on short notice. I’m learning how to play the game again and successfully avoiding being productive. It can’t last because I cannot allow that. Pokémon is too addictive for me to keep up this pace. I’ve struggled with it in the past. Fortunately it sucks up battery power to the extent that I cannot play for long without draining my phone down to nothing. Still, 18 games in, I’m still excited to keep going.

Looking back at it, I should’ve known it was Cinco de Mayo today. I’ve lost all track and context of dates, but I did know about may the fourth and the 10+ movie marathon going on to commemorate the happening. So, instead of reflecting on how I overstuffed myself with Mexican food, I thought I’d take a minute to reflect on the Star Wars phenomenon.

To begin: Star Wars is Fantasy. It isn’t science fiction–even with the retcon of midi-chlorians or whatever proxy they have for magical God energy. Star Wars can be sci-fi. The Clone Wars and specifically the Bad Batch try to speak to that with the social focus on clones and the outcomes of that when they ask the question what do you do when you’re done with the clones? This goes pretty well in the series, but on average it is really just space adventure with the magical stand in of the force.

Still good though. Seriously. I love the series. There is a part of each of the movies I’ve seen that I can hold on to and call worthwhile. Films 7-9, widely panned as the worst, offer moments of pure joy. There was new lore tackled. The force dyad idea was put to the forefront, which was great to see. In the end, I’d like to see many of the movies again, and if I fast forward… so be it.

Ever wonder why at these draft events and what not it is always mothers and girlfriends that are the focus of attention. It is as though the father never existed or remained just out of frame of focus for these individuals. It is as though the contributions these men made, in the case where there was a father, is ignored or deleted. I think there is something to that. I believe that fathers are treated a certain way–especially post divorce whereas the responsibility of a father is made to be purely financial and, quite often, negativized at every possible step. I say this as a father and as a defacto step dad who is absolutely taken for granted and treated without much or, at times, any respect in spite of the contributions (recognized or otherwise). All of this leads me to feel pretty beat up and left to wonder if any of it is worth it. I look at the other side of the equation where I have kids who have a birth dad who maintains contact and inputs into their lives on his own schedule and it is just fine. He’s not loosing sleep over it, and they seem perfectly fine with the arrangement. The question is why do we (do I) do any of this? Why do I care to be a good father in spite of the costs to time, energy, relationships? Am I even a good father and does any of that actually matter to anyone outside of myself?

Bottom line: I am failing to desensitize to being treated like crap and taken advantage of, and I don’t really have a sense of what steps to take to cure the underlying condition.

NFL Draft over. Teams reloaded. Maybe. here is what I find interesting about the draft: No draft is full of sure fire first rounders. The media acts like it is, but it is not. Every team thinks they got a winner. But history proves that to be wrong. Lions took Jameson Williams at 12 ;ast year. He’s currently suspended for gambling after not playing for the majority of the season. Ravens took Kyle Hamilton at 14… And just Signed Rock Ya-Sin today to take that man’s spot. Trent McDuffie (Chiefs @21) was exposed all season. Go back a little further to 2021 and you see that a lot of the players are practically busts. Zach Wilson, drafted #2? Jets leveraged their future to get old Rodgers to come in and win some games. It isn’t a surefire thing. Madden puts an emphasis on round 2 talent and round one top 10, which makes a kind of sense. However, real life isn’t built like a video game. In truth we are talking about schemes and people who, in the face of gaining sudden wealth, have to decide to be the same people they were prior to that wealth–have the same drive if not more. This is a difficult thing to say the least, and you never know who is going to be real.

Some Thoughts:

1. Interesting one that touches home a little. Klutch sports just bought out Elite Management, which is the company that sponsors the 7s team my kid is trying to join and the youth tackle team that has been tops in the state for years. Now LeBron’s people done bought them out. Don’t know what that changes locally. Hopefully nothing.

So here’s a quick review of what this is: Every Tuesday, I reach back in my own version of the internet time machine and roll the clock back to an earlier blog post in order to see how I have grown/changed from that post. It is an occasionally solemn time of personal reflection done publicly. Why? For the same reason as the blog: I don’t think I am very special. I think there may be a lot of people like me going through things, and I know that it means a lot to me to see other people who are going through things come out on the other side. It is why I read and often why I write. So, that is tonight’s what. The when is 3.174: Phone it In. I want to share a quote from that slice of time in my life and growth:

“I believe there ought to be some manner of ritual to writing. I’ve played with many and haven’t gotten it down still, but the importance of one is. If lost on me. “

Yep. Still there. It is fortunate that I fell upon this particular post this evening, because tomorrow is my last day of classes. My teaching, my partner’s schedule, and my kids’ school and sports determine my daily routine. Now that we’ve both ended the teaching phase for a few months, that schedule is going to be built around some other thing. I want it to be writing. I need it to be writing. I need to find that ritualistic way of coming to the page and leaving feeling fulfilled, not feeling like I did a little, so that is okay. Writing matters to me, but I don’t show that. Only in the last few years have I expressed to family and co-workers that I actually publish stuff and then only at my partners behest. I need to lock in on a ritual to remind myself how important the craft is. I need to get back to that and back to the basics of producing good work. It’s a step towards the me I truly expect to be.

Some Thoughts:

1. People are going to be who they are. It doesn’t matter how that rubs up against your ‘way’ and perceptions. If they won’t change for you then you have to accept that and find a way to live with that. Having many and varied children taught me that.
2. Excited for the Madden beta this June.
3. Less excited for what amounts to a 12 hr flight with three kids who are first timers to this sort of thing.
4. Yet, excited to tear through the new Titans series, because that is going to happen.