10 Minute Rule

I spent my first day back at the office trying to plan an ENG 102 experience that incorporates research in a way that is both informative and engaging to students who walk in the door thinking english is on par with root canal in terms of stuff they don’t want to do. Since I’m expecting them to do it for 16 weeks, I need to create an experience that any student would be able to get something out of.

I am a strong believer in the multiplayer classroom. I’ve blogged on game theory often enough for readers to know that I believe people learn better in the crucible of competition. I also feel that the lens or theme through which they learn needs to be relatable. I’ve chosen a few sample research projects to teach them the basic skills and give them the skills they need to know how to conduct their own research. What I’m working on now are the different types of research papers (purpose) and I’m moving towards doing something with conspiracy theories, urban myths, and religious myths. I’d like to do scientific research papers as well. For example, the idea of Lipozene offends me, and I’d love to see students look at these products that fleece folks of their money. How does that kind of research look different than literature or social science research?

I’m starting to feel that twinge of passion for the upcoming semester. I’m not entirely pleased to be back at work so close to the new year, but I know I’ve been spoiled in the past, and I know what an honor it is to do the job I do.

I’ve come upon a dilemma. The other day my mid-kid etched his name into my car. I was outraged and considered forced adoption, sale into slavery, etc. Then tonight I was rearranging the boys’ room and discovered a few more tags with his name on it, but these markings weren’t the nascent scrawls of a budding graffiti artist. They were the marks of a kid who wanted to be noticed. See, these markings weren’t just his name, they were also scribbles professing his relationships to things–never people. His art on paper was much of the same. I rewound the last year in my head, thinking about all of our conversations about his friends. He never was able to count past more than one–maybe two kids as friends and that list shifted based on the sports he was playing ad who he spent time with at school. Everything pointed to the same conclusion–this is a boy with a dearth of friendships.

The more time I spend with my kids the more I start to pick apart the relationships they have with each other and with the outside world. It is through this analysis that I discovered my mid-kid is completely isolated from the social world. I don’t come upon this realization lightly. I know he interacts with kids at school and such, but the boy has never been invited to a play date or ever even talked in terms of best friends or potential sleepovers. This may all be normal for the age, but taken in conjunction with his home situation, a great shadow of sadness crosses my soul. You see, even at home he is the odd man out in a trio of brothers who more often than not like to play the role of a pair.

Part of this is on me. The boy leveled up a grade, leaving behind the kids he grew up with for an older set of children who occasionally like him and occasionally don’t. Six year old second graders are a rare lot, and having the emotional capacity of a six year old and the smarts of a much older kid. It leads not only to disillusionment but to the delusion that you don’t really belong.

So now comes the understanding and the efforts to make it right for the kid. When I think about all the ways he tries to be noticed and be heard, even when they drift way past the realm of acceptable behavior, I know that he’s not merely doing it to be an asshole, but he’s doing it because he’s got nothing else.

Part of being a good parent is understanding what your kids are going through. You can’t fix every problem, but identifying with it is the first important step towards building the kind of relationship a father ought to have with his kid.

Before I start, I’m willing to admit a modicum of hypocrisy. That being said, there is enough semantic distance between goal setting and resolution making to avoid my becoming an actual hypocrite with this blog. I don’t believe in casually dropped resolutions, but I do believe in the idea of setting goals. The latter is a developed process based on reflecting backwards and projecting forward with the idea of becoming a better person. I didn’t do enough goal setting last year, and as a result I feel like the year was wasted in some ways. My personal growth hit roadblocks and then took leaps (both forwards and backwards). In the end I was left roughly in the same place I was 366 days prior.

Listening to the extended (8 minute) mix of Timberlake’s Mirrors I find myself thinking about what I hoped to get out of 2013. I wanted to be a better father, and I spent the year learning what that means. I wanted to be a more disciplined writer and I am. I wanted to be a better teacher (both at home and in the workplace) and I am not. I’m inspired by what I’ve learned and done over the past year to be able to take some more steps back towards self-actualization. Here are some of my highlight goals for 2014:

Become a healthier human: I largely kicked the MacDonald’s habit, but regular exercise eludes me. I tried setting nightly goals, but ultimately failed. The plan right now is to do a one month deep analysis of my exercise and health efforts to see what I’m willing to do and where my head is at with these things.

Become a better father: And husband, because the two are intrinsically linked in my life. The things I don’t do as a dad are the things that build animosity in my marriage.

Become a better teacher: The key here is time management (there’s that term again) and follow through. I’m a big ideas guy, but I don’t always plan well enough to execute these big ideas and I don’t always follow through.

Become a more prolific writer: I can do more than 10 minutes. Not for the blog, of course, but if I can generate this much in 10, I can really do big things if I devote the full alotted time to task and go in with a plan of what to write. That fantasy novel i’ve promised the site sounds nice.

It doesn’t take a football fan to know about the plight of Rex Ryan. The garrulous N.Y. Jets coach is rivaled only by Tim Tebow in his ability to create a storm of controversy merely by flapping his gums. I’m talking Butterfly Effect level chaos here. Tebow, simply by being himself, inspired hundreds of thousands to chant for him every sunday and even more miraculously, to believe he was actually a decent football player. Heck, the dude had me fooled for a time. I was first in line calling for Rex Ryan to start him at quarterback. The fact is, both Tebow and Ryan possess that magical elixir called personality, and if you have enough of it, people will follow you anywhere. When the Jets owner announced to a full locker room that Rex would keep his job the place exploded with cheers. Dude didn’t even get to finish his announcement. The players were so swept up in their emotion for their leader that they nearly picked the once-fat man up and carried him off like a Polish bride.

Football players aren’t the only ones to wow the masses with personality. Charles Manson not only drove people to kill for him but he also inspired musicians to cover his music and created a cult following that continues even today. This is all about personality, and the more compelling ones personality, the more likely they are to be followed.

Here’s the thing though: just because someone is great to be around and inspires you to do things doesn’t mean those are necessarily the right things or that they are necessarily great people or even competent leaders. Rex is beloved, so he kept his job. Whether or not this was the right choice remains to be seen.

 

 

Some Thoughts:

1. My eldest has taken to being a bully to his younger siblings. He is playing up their unfounded fears of the house–off all things supernatural, really–to make them frightened to even poop. This is of course normal Alpha male/first born behavior. Still, I’m strongly driven to showing him the first Paranormal activity and telling him this is real stuff that happened to real people that we know. That oughta fix him… or put him in a fear-induced coma. Is that child abuse?

Another one of those nights when its hard to find something to write about. Those nights are happening alot more as 2013 winds towards extinction. I’m spending more time (and inevitably money) with the boys, so my mind is awash with video games, legos, and of course, senseless sibling conflict. Every so often I can escape to the loft where I can tumble down the rabbit hole into a game or a corner where I can find a moment of peace. These moments are, unfortunately, few and far between. As much as I truly love spending time with my kids, they are high energy and drain my battery faster than an Arizona summer. These brief recharges keep me going long enough to survive a day with the boys.

So instead of rambling on ad nasuem, I’ll leave you with some thoughts:

Some Thoughts:

1. While setting resolutions for the new year is a well established first step, saying you’ll do X, Y, or Z is hardly enough of a strong start to compel you to actually do anything. I can say I’ll work out 30 minutes every day. I can also say that i’m a 17 yr old girl. Neither is true.
2. The boys are obsessed with their new devices. Kindles and 3DS’s are the currency of youth.

There isn’t much left to the 2013-14 NFL season. Bruno Mars is doing dress rehearsals for his halftime gig while the Mara girls are lamenting the fact that, although the big game is in their stadium, their team will be nowhere near it. Before we get there we need to get through week 17 and on into the playoffs. Who will be in the next stage of the season is still a matter of debate, so I decided to spend 10 minutes of my night breaking down who I think makes it in.

New York over Miami
If your season’s lost, there’s nothing better at this point in the season than playing the role of spoiler. The Jets are pretty good at it. They’re also remarkable at winning games they shouldn’t and losing games they shouldn’t. They should not win this game, so of course they will and they’ll end any chances of Miami reaching the playoffs–maybe even save sexy Rexy’s job in the process.

Baltimore over Cincy
The Ravens always hit their spurt at the right time. Presently the Ravens D is becoming a force in the NFL while their offense continues finding ways to pull off victories. They have what it takes to beat Cincy in a close one, but they’ll also need Miami to lose.

Arizona over San Francisco
The Cardinals are in a partial win and in scenario. They are relying on a Saints loss to help them sneak into the playoffs. Their week 16 road win over the Seahawks gave notice to the league that these guys are the real deal. I suspect the resurgence will continue in week 17. Will they make it in? Unlikely. The Saints look like they’ll cruise to victory.

Green Bay over Chicago
Matt Flynn is a system guy. Fortunately for him the system is Mike McCarthy’s Packer offense. Home at last, Flynn will lead his Packers compatriots into hostile Chicago where they will undoubtedly come together and smother the Bears.

Eagles over Cowboys
I have no faith in Dallas. I have even less faith (negative faith?) that Orton can take control and put up enough points to keep pace with a very hungry Eagles offense.

I was thinking about my friend who, in her 30’s, just got her first cellphone (a smartphone at that!) and the role that technology plays in in modern interactions. I know a lot of the people I know have very young kids with phones, the reason being to make sure that parents can reach these kids at any time. My instinct is to suggest that I had no such tech advantage as a kid and managed to avoid being kidnapped or lost. It took me a while to realize that safety isn’t the real point at all. Cellphones, smartphones in particular, represent windows into a digital world that serves as the primary source of interaction for teenagers and pre-teens too nervous, shy, or wrapped up in self-doubt to connect face to face. Social media is, in a sense, a safe way to reveal yourself to people without having to look in their eyes as you do so.

I probably wouldn’t stand out on a street corner and recite passages from my blog 10 minutes each day. I definitely would spit verse like Myrlin Hepworth at any and every possible venue striving to be heard by the masses. The digital divide that exists between myself and the rest of the world allows me to put out my thoughts without having to read peoples faces and reactions to tell if they appreciate what’s being said. Moreover, if people do appreciate it they tend to leave a like or a little note to remind me that I don’t suck all the time. Now this cuts both ways. Social media can be a relentless assault on someone’s sense of being. I’ve heard a dozen stories this year alone of kids being driven to suicide because of what is said about them on social media.

My point is this: The net is merely a tool we need to interact with now as a baseline–like the wheel. The more I fight against kids having the tech, the more I’m fighting against kids learning how to be a part of the world they live in.

Finally sat down to watch The Best Man. I’ve been avoiding a lot of black films as of late, namely because Tyler Perry’s narrative doesn’t relate to me and because of his box office success, this has become the dominant black narrative. The Best Man is seperate from that narrative and is very much in the mold of the dominant black ideology I was raised with. The film provides an accurate window into an ideal that, unfortunately, remains inaccurate to the reality.

The film in question hit theaters in 1999, so I don’t feel the least bit bad about spoilers. The central conceit of the film is that in the world of black men, the further you stray from God and towards pride, the closer you get to becoming a mess. The deeper truth for me in the film is that the leads were undeniably working to define themselves in the trappings of American culture and success while somehow uniting those values and mores with the core idea of what it means to be black.

Here’s what I learned: I need to watch more black cinema. I need to stop being afraid of how these films shape outsider (and perhaps insider) perceptions of the black experience and start learning from these perceptions.

A friend asked me today what my favorite holiday memory was. It took a few moments to rewind through the annals of my life. The journey was pretty pointless, because it turns out the holiday moment happened last Christmas when the family was all gathered at my house and the boys woke up on Christmas morning only to discover that they didn’t get gifts from Santa. Instead there was coal and a note that set them on a massive treasure hunt to uncover their Santa gifts. I recorded the moment so the kids can later look back on it and smile. The question and answer set me to thinking on my role as a parent. I think it is important for me to be a dad, but it is equally important for me to be a memory keeper–to experience these moments of bliss and be able to talk about them.

This Christmas we continued the tradition of the treasure hunt, but instead of running around the house to answer riddles, each of Santa’s gifts were wrapped with a riddle. Solving the riddle revealed who the gift was for. Little things like these are both incredibly fun and meaningful. I didn’t have moments like that growing up, which is why I had such a hard time remembering any holiday of note from the past several decades.

If memories are the things that make us people, then creating amazing memories is among the most important things you can do for yourself and those around you.

Twas the night before christmas ‘fore all the good cheer
Twas the night my kids did accounting for the year
Twas the year they met Krampus and learned that St. Nick
would not give out presents if you were a dick.

Christmas is a holiday that brings us together
And creates moments we will long remember
I mark it in writing with words close to my soul
So I can look back at these moments as I grow old

12 days of Christmas, a whisper in time
A lens through which we glimpse the divine
a chance to remember what we value most
to turn to our offspring and give them a toast

I never believed in Santa the man
Of the idea of Christmas I’ve long been a fan
From ghettos to suburbs to forests to dales
Christmas is giving in person or mail

So lets all take a moment to consider good cheer
To all a merry Christmas and a Happy New Year