Author: admin

Still fumbling towards a routine that works for the writing and trying to get up to speed towards building the body back better. I didn’t realize the damage I’ve done across the last 10 months. It’s genuinely bad. +15 pounds at least and a ton of negative mental energy. That sort of thing is harder to get rid of later in life; especially when you’re wondering about how many good years you have left. So, I am here to get good and get to a place where I can maintain that good. I haven’t touched a weight or a workout plan yet, but it has only been a few days since we touched down here on Rebirth Island. I haven’t even settled in. I will though. Once we figure it all out, I will have a long time to get after it and make myself into the person I want to be moving forward.

Always forward.

I spend too much energy looking back at who I was and missing that idea of me. I gotta become who I can become now. It is a hard thing to do, but it is a thing I am capable of doing.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Abdul Carter calls out Jaxson Dart for introducing Trump at rally: ‘What we doing?’” What are we doing indeed? I mean I want to love this Giants team but I’m on the edge already. Don’t mess this up.
2. Skattebo might already have by promising more than he can deliver along with bad math. All signs point to him and Nabers not being available early season.
3. Since we are talking football, I want to go on record as saying the AZ press done messed up. You shaded my kid. He’s coming to prove you wrong. So, I guess a thanks is in order because by putting mediocre talent ahead of him (he hasn’t even made the list of 150 yet despite back to back all conference mentions) you’re getting the chance to fire him up. Thing of it is, he doesn’t need posterboard material. He doesn’t feed off that. He’s above it. I like that. Doesn’t change the fact that I’m gonna get to say I told you so.
4. Yep, I’m that dad. I will, however, keep it to a brief mention in some thoughts. Four words… when it happens, four words. Wait for it.
5. Random realization about having step kids. I’ve been in their lives for a while now. The Lady Talis and I have been in each others kids lives for half those kids lives at minimum. Most in some cases. What that tells me is that though we haven’t been there from the start or for the initial formative years, we’ve been a family for long enough that we ought to be a family long after we, the parents, are gone.

I’m spending a bit of time today on the planning side of life. What I am doing is dividing required work into hours and seeing how I can filter those hours into the course of a day. Presently I have three writing projects and three courses to develop, which amounts to 115 hours of total work. Now I don’t actually have that much time in a week that I am willing to devote to the effort. This means some of the work will drag out for weeks. The real question is how many hours a week do I have/want to devote to these endeavors?

Realistically, I recognize the work side of life tapers off more int he summer. I am always in a new location and dedicated to hanging with the Lady Talis, exploration, and bodily self-improvement through walking. As such, finding 5 hours in a single day feels like a lot. 4 feels liek a maximum. I’m thinking that I want to start building the day around a morning hour to cover some of the basic work (class stuff, mostly) and if I can stay ahead of that business I can really lock in on a 2-3 hour block of writing at some point in the day. This has not been discussed beyond the writing of this blog, so I need to work some more of this out with my partner. Still, the belief is that I can find the time during the day in a way that does not limit how much we can enjoy our lives and the space we are in. 15 of the 24 hours of a day are spent awake at minimum. If I can take smaller chunks of that time between activities to really settle into a work vibe, I’ll be back to being a productive person. Likewise, as I continue to be productive, the words should come faster. This present schedule estimates 250 words per hour. I can usually spit that much out in a ten minute blog.

I miss the times where that level of stream of consciousness writing is how I put together stories and other writing. Heck, this is already 360 words give or take. So if I can get back there, then I can be a much stronger writer. I need that.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Trump says he’s skipping his son’s weekend wedding” He blamed circumstances and responsibilities of the government. Yet, he has a scheduled tee time…
2. Since this wordpress format doesn’t have a wordcount, I fed the earlier text into an wordcounter to get the 360 number. That isn’t remarkable. What is remarkable is the allegation that it assumed 65% of what I wrote was AI generated. An additional 12% was considered ai paraphrased. Come on, now. I don’t sound that much like a bot… do I?

The Mandalorian and Grogu is not high cinema. I never expected it to be. I never went into it hoping to move the larger Star Wars story forward or learn tiny bits of special lore or even see easter eggs (However, the Dejarik does make an appearance). What I wanted was fun with Grogu. I got what I wanted. I also think Favreau got to make a film he enjoyed. This is a fun picture. It feels like a season compressed into a few hours with no filler. I’m good with that the way I was pretty good with the original Harry Potter movie. We got enough story without needing what was removed.

I want to be able to take something away from everything I imbibe. I want a movie to leave me something worth remembering and this one did. I remember the joy of Grogu and the relationship between him and Mando. This chapter of the story is truly enjoyable and is built in a timeframe that has a ton of room to tell stories that do not have to be about major moments. The show dipped its toe in that time and again, and it was okay. Still, this way is better.

This is the way.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Knicks move 2 wins from the NBA Finals with a 109-93 victory over the Cavs” 1999.. that is the last time the Knicks made it to the finals. Maybe three players on the roster were out of diapers when that happened.

The people who live longest do this:

No, I’m kidding. I have no idea what fuels longevity. I know that my plan is to drop weight, eat better food, and lower my stress levels. That, for me, represents a higher quality of life. I think it follows that if you love life, you’ll hopefully live longer. So, that is what I’ve come up with in that respect. In all respects I am trying to accept what the universe offers. That means enjoying my days and nights. It means not holding on to guilt about what makes me happy. It means not letting the opinions of others impact what I find joy in.

Yes, that includes the Mandalorian movie.

It also includes spending more time outside and making my body work. I wish 10 K steps a day were enough, because I am inherently a lazy person. It isn’t and I will do more. I will get in the lab and devote time to it instead of gaming or whatever. I will put hours to the writing craft and make it a solid chunk of my day. It hasn’t been since the last novelette was finished. Time to get back to the grind.

Time to get back to a beautiful and flourishing mind and body.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Tennessee man jailed over Charlie Kirk post wins $835,000 settlement” Not the settlement part. No, the crazy is the fact that he was jailed for 37 days for saying negative stuff about Kirk. For what it is worth, he’s a retired ex cop. So all this stuff about protect the police was forgotten in pursuit of an idea of who they wanted Kirk to be and how they wanted to remember him and protect that story. He was arrested after posting a meme about Kirk’s death and refusing to take it down. “The meme Bushart posted that prompted his arrest read: “This seems relevant today…” and featured President Donald Trump and the words, “We have to get over it.” That quote, the meme explained, was said by Trump in 2024 after a school shooting at Iowa’s Perry High School.”
2. I think we’ve lost our way quite a bit. I don’t have a solution.
3. These posts have been short again. I don’t know where my mind wanders off to.
4. Actually, I do. Sports. And Video Games.

I’m on my Batman arc. Disappear for 90 days and come back different. How that change happens is still under construction. I have to get healthy. I have to reset my mind to a point where ideas are coming and they are good. I need that clean slate approach. It starts with a daily routine that gives me space to grow. It means less in the way of video games and more in the way of butt in chair–and even walking to a place where the but can be placed in a chair of my liking in a space of my liking.

In general, the entire enterprise is focused on walking and movement. I come from NYC, a place where people are constantly on the move. I live in a space where people are not moving. We sit all the time here and we prize that lack of movement above all else. We consider it freedom here, and when we do move it is viewed as a luxury. That does not work for me anymore.

So, I’m out. Full reset. Learn who I am. Learn who I intend to be.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Acting Attorney General Todd Blanche on Tuesday wouldn’t rule out the possibility that violent rioters at the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021, will be considered for payouts from a new $1.776 billion fund to compensate individuals who believe they were targeted politically.” They think we’re stupid because we are. 1776? Come on, man. The signaling is crazy.

Life is good and surprising. I feel that more and more each day as I move through it and into my own future. Not a lot to say today. Locking back in on teaching with writing to follow soon after. Until then…

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Trump moves to dismiss $10B suit against the Internal Revenue Service over leak of tax returns” And in doing so, set up a 1.7 billion dollar fund to pay his allies who felt wronged by the fed. I mean, if this isn’t fleecing I don’t understand the definition.
2. Also… Check in on your loved ones. Emotional strain can really get at you.
3. Watching the freshman highlights from the my son’s QB this year is a reminder that my kid cooked at WR as a freshman. That highlight reel is basically his highlight reel as a WR. He gets the opportunity to make another reel allegedly this season as he expects to go both ways in his senior year. If he does, that is a great sign for this team.
4. Caitlin Clark leads the league in assists… and is #2 in turnovers. It isn’t that I dislike her. I actually like her. I find how they use her both on court and in media to be a very big lie. It bugs. I write about things that bug.

I’m feeling a bit maudlin today. Yesterday was another reminder that being a dad is always going to be a case of being ignored, disrespected, and probably largely disliked and blamed for all the wrongs in a kid’s life. Unless I make their life as easy as possible, I am the bad guy. This is mostly due to my ex being the one who makes their lives as easy as possible. Yesterday I watched my ex carrying a bag of supplies she bought for our 21 year old son to take to his first ever job while he walked beside her eating ice cream. That’s some nine year old type stuff. I will not do it and thus will always lose.

Acceptance is the hard part.

So, here I am feeling bad about myself and, to a lesser extent, about my choices. Acceptance is not happening to easily. My body is rejecting it, gathering the sadness and anger within as stress. My mind is doing the same and none of it is really working for me. What I really need to do is get some space for a while and think about what it means to be me as an individual and a husband.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Sen. Cassidy loses Louisiana primary after targeted as ‘disloyal’ by Trump over impeachment vote” Loyalty checks… I thought those were just for video games and bad nazi movies…
2. Also this: “Adults relive the musical camaraderie of their youth at band camps reprised for grown-ups” Yeah… just no.

Being a step dad is different than the standard dadding. It is really up to you and the kid to form that bond–especially if the birth dad is still in the picture. I feel like I’ve done a decent enough job trying to make it so these kids feel like I am a legitimate parent and someone they can turn to in moments of true need. How am I doing? I don’t really know. What I do know is that there is a graduation today. Unlike last week it is one of the step kids and I am equally excited to see it happen. This one doesn’t much go for pomp and circumstance so, arguably, I am more excited than he is for the event. That is not the point. The main point is that it is happening and I am a part of it as much as anyone else. That’s integration, folks. That is a family bonding and becoming one. I love that it is happening and love that everyone is involved.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “How conspiracy theories about missing or dead scientists went from online forums to the White House” Stop putting stupid people in charge. Please?
2. Getting sloppy. The previous blog was left unpublished. I need to spend more time locked in and off Starfield… maybe.
3. Check my kid’s 247 portal and you’ll see NAU and Idaho as legit recruiting offers. Look at his own feed and the truth shall set you free. 8 offers. 1 P4 (Oklahoma State), 1 CFP team (Tulane), Hawaii, SDSU, NAU, UNI, Idaho, and Idaho State. Keep up, people.

New mission: Spend a while with the Lady Talis sans kids and see what kind of life we can get up to. I am excited for the challenge and the opportunity. We’ve spent a great deal of our lives with kids but never this much time without them, and that is going to be huge for us. We are definitely taking a turn towards being healthy and engaging in a schedule and habits which lead to longer and stronger lives.

Also difficult is the lack of viable televised fiction for two.

We love watching shows together and talking about that engagement, but there is nothing of value new to watch. Perhaps we will give Andor a chance, because there is nothing else worth taking a shot on. Every time we do it ends quickly… and badly. I’ve gotten to the point of realizing that there is not a show out there that hasn’t completed its season or run at this point that we both watch. I’m still watching my “boy” shows on the side, but that is just for me…

Come on, big media. Give me something! Or let me write it myself.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Judge declares a mistrial in Harvey Weinstein’s rape retrial after jury says it is deadlocked” The original #metoo is getting to say #notme and it is irking my soul. I don’t now anything about the alleged victim, but given this man’s history… Yeah he should not be walking around free. Crazy how powerful a certain demographic can be. I’m still shocked they caught Epstein.
2. Also this: “North America’s largest commuter rail system faces a potential shutdown” I do not understand how a country whose lore is built on railroads has become so unwilling and unable to maintain and grow that system. I don’t expect Japan, but man I expect something better than this!

The hardest part about letting a child grow is when the other parent keeps holding on too tight. Not only does it negate the work you’re trying to do, but it sabotages the relationship you are trying to build. There are a number of factors that apply here and are impacted. I want to chat about how the impacted child starts to view one parent vs the other and, perhaps consciously, perhaps otherwise, begins to pit the two against each other. Obviously, this is a personal one. I have an ex and I have a youngest child. He’s been the one most lost and most impacted by the divorce. Today he received his 6th and 7th D1 college offers. His brothers knew. Pretty sure his mom knew. I had to find out from social media. I texted him today offering congratulations and expressed a little disappointment that he hadn’t reached out. Not in a petty way, but probably a little passive aggressively. He acted like he hadn’t had his phone on, which clearly does not fit the narrative, which argues he simply did not think to text me the way he clearly shared the news with his brother (who said he’d been texting for like 30 minutes) and social media. I didn’t factor in.

I don’t factor in.

It is what it is, and it doesn’t make me love him any less, but it does remind me that the rift there is not something I created. He only reaches out when he needs something. I reach out to see how he is doing. He only speaks when spoken to at home. I initiate conversations to see how he’s doing. The relationship has gone zero dark thirty and I am not sure if we are going to move towards dawn or midnight. I don’t know that I can do anything about it, because on the other side of the parental divide, he’s being treated very differently and very much not like a growing, independent man.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “The world’s reaction to hantavirus is tinged by echoes of something else: COVID” Yeah, this is a low-key problem. Not so much that it will turn into this, but that we are no longer trusted on the world medical stage…