Author: admin

Lacking coherent long form thought, I figured I ought to slide directly into…

Some Thoughts:

1. Some smaller thoughts I might add, Thoughts like, why are Basketball stars like Barkley and Kerr the ones who are trying to be the voice of reason in the US? Why are the politicians either being tuned out or falling in line.
2. On that subject: What is with the ICE leader and that ridiculous uniform he wears. Whar service does it even belong to? Not ICE. Meanwhile the agents all look like Right-Wing militia. Wait… are they?
3. Speaking of this nonsense, is anyone ready to point out that Trump said he’d use military force if Iran attacked protestors in their own country (which he did not d.. liar) and then basically stood by while two US Citizens were murdered for protesting here.
4. Behind on deadlines, struggling to get ahead on classes, and yet all that consumes me is this Slay the Spire game.I gotta beat this final level. I got so close my first run and never even remotely near it since. It irks me so…
5. Bonkers headline of the day: “Los Angeles homeless services CEO charged with defrauding taxpayers to pay for luxury lifestyle” If there is a hell… You’re getting a first class ticket.
6. Lots of football to talk. I’ll probably wait till Wednesday for the sake of alliteration.
7. 6,126 protestors dead in Iran, four more journalists dead in Gaza… We’re not doing well as a species.
8. Are we still having the World Cup here? I mean Trump got that peace prize and all…
9. Alrighty… I got nothing.

So, yeah, I didn’t write. I’m blogging now. I finished the homework and graded what I could grade… But I didn’t write. I need to get back on schedule tomorrow. I also need to develop the lesson plan and canvas shell for tomorrow. But I didn’t write. I cannot keep going day after day and not writing. If this is to be what I believe I am meant to do, then I need to be doing it. I need to be dedicated to the point where the distractions fall away and become what I do as a way to recharge, not simply what I do.

The blue bow work is what I’ve been doing the past day. I’ve been trying to fix our burning dryer. I’m not sure I totally solved the problem. I am sure that I haven’t put it back together and cleaned up the space, so it looks very much like the situation will extend into tomorrow. This is how life gets backed up and writing gets back burnered.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely bonkers news quote of the day: “Videos of deadly Minneapolis shooting contradict government statements” Yeah… that’s another shooting of another US citizen and another lie about what we all saw happen on video.

I can always tell when my hearts not into a project or I’ve lost the thread or I think it’s going to turn out badly, because I’ll do anything to avoid sitting down and getting it done. It kills my sleep schedule too. I’ll stay up all night not thinking about it, but thinking about it. I’ll task my subconscious to run background processes, analyzing the project from every angle and hoping to find one that actually makes me feel like its both worth doing and could wind up not being trash. Needless to say, the last few days have been a study in sleep deprivation. I become my own worst critic/my own worst enemy when a project isn’t feeling the way it should. The last time it felt this epically bad I was working on a project for a particular Center at Arizona State University. That project made it to play testing and was never heard from again. I never heard from them again either. So, I can assume it was shuffled to the bottom of their pile and better written work became their focus.

That’s the thing with stinkers. I feel like I can smell them coming. This one smells pretty awful on all levels, and it is also quite late, so that is double trouble on my mind. Some of this is certainly compiling with the feeling of being overwhelmed. How could it not be? Of course, I do what I always tend to do when I know it isn’t going to end well–I run. I hide. I find anything and everything else to do. I cut my hair. I sweep the floors. I consider larger house renovation projects.

Anything but write.

Some Thoughts:

1. Bonkers news quote of the day: Trump threatens Canada with 100% tariffs over its new trade deal with China. Ain’t nothing gonna happen. Dude’s been exposed as a bully over and over in the last few days and Carney doesn’t flinch.
2. And because it can’t be Trump all the time (though he’d like that very much): Almost 10,000 flights canceled as major winter storm bears down across much of the US. I swear I saw this movie decades ago…

I didn’t sleep well. I didn’t gym well. I didn’t write well. All in all today has been a loss. My mortgage went up, my health went down… heck, I couldn’t even win at video games. My pop said there’d be days like this. He was right. He didn’t tell me what to do about it though. What do you do when it feels like you’re losing every minute of the day and nothing works the way it should in your mind?

I suppose the best answer is to step back, regroup, and look forward to a better tomorrow. Because if this is as good as it gets, then things aren’t getting very good anymore.

Some Thoughts:

1. Bonkers news quote of the day: Minnesota activist releases video of arrest after manipulated White House version
2. I can drag out nine or ten of these every single day. It is no longer shocking to see the white house dropping manipulated images. I can believe we live in a world like this and it makes me even more ill than I already am.

The news is really too much. The latest Trumpism is this so-called Board of Peace, which if I understand it correctly, is a collection of countries and corporations who’ve bought in to the Gaza rebuild. I write cyberpunk. I didn’t think I would ever live it. Yet, that is where it feels like we are in this sprawling reality in which, on the one hand, we’ve reached a point in our technological growth where Solar Sails are actually a thing and planetside we are falling apart in real time. I am starting to think that the universe, as it were, is one giant organism and humans are the cancerous cells that have figured out how to replicate and push themselves towards other cells.

There’s some small logic to this theory when you consider the baseline of protons, neutrons, and quarks, and the even smaller electrons, which make up the building blocks of mass. Of course, theoretically, our entire galaxy could exist within an electron. Our Universe could. The entire thing could be a recursive loop…

Writer’s have tried to capture this concept before, most notably (to me) Stephen King’s Good Luck, Chuck. In which he argues that we “contain multitudes”. I don’t suspect we will ever know the truth of this in my lifetime, or if death will provide any larger answers. I strongly suspect not. Death to me feels like an off state or, as Charles Stross put it, a Halting State, in which all action and memory ceases… like the end of a tape or a record. Much like that concept, the record remains, giving me the belief that life, as it were, always exists and we live the timeline we are in as a solid structure–we are the recording.

I also believe in the concept of a multiverse in which there are many versions of our record, though I don’t know or am not sure if I even believe in the concept of crossover between such things… This got really philosophical fast. To think it started in Davos with now President Trump being a dumbass as usual. At least he’s triggering introspection and philosophy in my soul as opposed to anger. I cannot get mad at the doddering old fool anymore. He’s being exactly who I know and expect him to be. It is the people around him–the sycophants and those draped in greed who I suspect are the real problem, because they ought to know better. Yet they choose not to.

Some Thoughts:

1. Bonkers news post of the day: Former DEA agent sentenced to 5 years in prison for using badge to protect drug trafficking friends

So, the kid is back at the FCS level. He signed with University of Northern Iowa, following his old coach from his Freshman year, This will represent the first time he’s had the same head coach for more than a year since, well, me. I trust Stepsis entirely, and suspect his team will have a solid year two turn around, in spite of a daunting schedule that includes the University of Iowa and 5 of the 24 playoff teams from this past year. All but two competitors were ranked last year, which is one heck of a tough go of it for a team that lost many more games than they won with the then first year coach. Making matters more difficult is the fact that the school is in Iowa and flights there are expensive. I don’t know how many games we can attend, but I will support the best I can. His little brother will even attend a camp there this summer. It will be a wonderful chance to have them play together again should the younger one get signed.

I am happy to be turning away from football for a while. It is quite consuming. I’ve been fading out during these playoffs. I still support the Seahawks, but I didn’t really even watch any of the college playoff games. I’m due for a break. The Lady Talis is silently begging for one. It is hard to be the lady in a house full of boys. No, not men. I consider myself a man. The rest have work to do.

The work I am doing right now is barely treading water. I need to get back out ahead of this thing and start working harder and more hours. No more spacing off. That steals much time. It is time I no longer have. The deadlines are upon me, and the classes have (successfully) begun.

Some Thoughts:

1. Crazy political quote of the day: “We probably won’t get anything unless I decide to use excessive strength and force where we would be, frankly, unstoppable. But I won’t do that,” Trump said earlier in the morning at the World Economic Forum. “Now everyone’s saying, ‘Oh, good.’ That’s probably the biggest statement I made because people thought I would use force. I don’t have to use force. I don’t want to use force. I won’t use force.” That is Trump talking about opportunity and possibilities of invading Greenland. We live in the worst timeline.
2. Coffeenerdness: I only rely on Italian coffee now. Down to my last two bags I am willing to pay the tarriffs to keep the java flowing.

Going all the way back to Spring semester 2025 for this one. I wanted to see where I was at in my head then vs. now. Back about a year ago I found myself thinking about the realities of age ang aging. I wrote:

I am about to turn 50. It sucks. It really really sucks. I know for some that may sound strange, but the way I see it, I have less usable years ahead of me than I have behind me. In other term, the clock is running out on my life. Sure, I am in a better position than I was when I was, say, 10 and life was consumed by school, sports, and the inability to go anywhere freely because of the lack of personal freedom caused by responsibilities and being a child. However, I still have work, kids, and soon enough, parents to take care of. To add, I don’t have the physical health I did when I was ten and wild and wishing to be free. Facts being what they are, I won’t be tip top when I am 70 or 80 without some incredible advances in agie-mitigating tech and some personal responsibility to fix my body.

Let’s ignore the mispellings and dig into the idea of what I was talking about and what I am still talking about. We only have so much time in these frail bodies. In the absence of suitable biotechnology and cybertechnology we are beholden to do what we can in order to keep those bodies in shape. I have done a poor job in the past year with my body. I haven’t been good to it at all, and the result is 20+ more pounds of fat and stretch marks. I’m beginning to look like black Santa. On the other hand, I’m back in the gym 3 or more times a week. I haven’t hit the point where the work is beginning to pay off or even show much, but I am sweating, and that is a start.

I am going to get right this year. This is not a choice as much as it is a directive. It needs to happen. I need to be better in all phases, not just for myself but for the beautiful Lady Talis as well. We need each other.

Some Thoughts:

1. Crazy News quote of the day: “For more than 100 minutes, the president held forth Tuesday at the White House, where he went on a winding journey through his last year, interspersed with plenty of asides, a few impressions of other politicians and critics and, eventually, questions from the media.” This from the AP news report on the President’s speech. Kinda feels like that uncle (or grandpa) that corners you at the family reunion and talks for the next 8 days.
2. Not a lot to go on this evening. Day 1 of face to face classes is in the books and I am looking forward to getting started on day 2. But first, reset.

Organization is the thing. I need to be organized and diligent and have a plan to peel away the layers of what is destroying my ability to be an effective human being. Each day is a new step forward. Each day is a way I am changing in the relatively short time I have left in this life. No, I am not dying any faster than anyone else, but I’m already halfway or more through what is a possible lifespan, and I’ve done little to make it so I get to go longer. I don’t have much time to make it so I get to go longer either. There is a ton of work to do, and I need to be organized and ruthless in said organization for things to happen as I wish.

One of the things that I find important is the concept of a touchstone. So, as I continue to write the book on getting right, I want you, dear reader, to consider the touchstones in your life and how those are helpful, harmful, or merely just opportunities to feel progress (not sure if that last is either end of the spectrum). Waking up and going to bed with my wife is probably the most important two touchstones, with the third being this blog and the fourth being our daily cup of java. The fifth, as it were, is my playing a video game of some nature. If I extend to six, it is gaming with the wife in some nature. So, games are 1/3 of the listed activities, and writing is 1/6th. Therein lies the problem with the priorities. Getting that cleaned up could help. For example, if you are a fan of the 100 block time management concept, then feasibly, there ought to be 10 touchstones in that 100. I am going to spend 2026 using this strategy and building from that… unless it doesn’t work and then I will merely flip to another style.

One thing I need to develop is consistency. I don’t have it and I certainly need it. Perhaps the place to start is with how I run this blog. Perhaps the place to start within that is with…

Some Thoughts:

1. The US is batshit quote of the day (from the AP) “The president also pardoned Texas Democratic Rep. Henry Cuellar in a bribery and conspiracy case. He later expressed regret and frustration for having done so, however, when Cuellar announced he was seeking reelection without switching parties to become a Republican.”
2. Sports note of the day: Kid officially signed with UNI. He’s a Panther for life. This means he will play for the team, feasibly, for the next two years and then be off to see if he can go pro or merely move on to a professional light outside of the spotlight. He wants to be in it at the highest level he can before he gets out of it all together. Not exactly what I thought the plan was, but it turns out he’s more me than I thought he was.
3. I’ll be finding more standard daily thoughts to share in this space.

I wonder if this is how people in Germany and or Japan (and Italy) felt when World War II was about to pop off. It feels a little like we are sliding towards full crazy and the spin (as seen from Fox News) is simply acting like everyone not on board is crazy. Spin works like that. The people on your side make all that you do okay. Either they don’t broadcast your crazy or they make it seem like the opposition is the crazy ones. Apparently anyone protesting the thing the group in power wants to do is an agitator. Also, Greenland. Let’s be serious for a minute, folks. This one makes absolutely no sense. We are legitimately going to destroy NATO in order to own Greenland? Come on, man. We’ve already levied Tarriffs to the countries who oppose this. We’ve already threatened litigation or pulled funding from the states that oppose our great and powerful Orange.

This is getting out of control. Sadly, we’ve broken the breaks and now the only thing that can stop it is the end of the line–2028. At least, that is the rumor. Just today 1,500 soldiers were placed on the ready to be deployed to Minnesota as part of the Insurrection Act. We invaded Venezuela and kidnapped their president, only to leave the country in the hands of someone who has a DEA file as long as War and Peace.

When history looks back at what has happened over the past four years they will point to the weakness of the American mind and the power of the American media to sway those who are so driven by fear and vengeance. However, its the people who don’t really care all that much and don’t think things will get bad who were the voters who changed it all. Do we really thing four years of Kamala Harris would have been this bad, or were we just so exhausted by hearing the screaming and yelling in the feed that we were all just like, “fine, do whatever. It doesn’t matter anyway”?

That latter feels like the truth–a sick sad reality that tells me this country isn’t built for another 250 years.

I have had the experience of encountering a lot of stubborn people in my life. Enough so that I understand where defensiveness comes from and often when a person is about to dig in as a matter of self preservation. I also have experience with the filter bubble. The other day a kid of mine made a comment about how I have the power to ignore things I don’t want to see, basically saying that the reason they keep putting stuff out is because I keep talking about it. That latter part is bullcrap to a large degree–They keep putting stuff out because people keep talking about it, and if those people are part of a similar algorithm, it will keep hitting my algorithm until I figure out how to make it stop. I also think it may have something to do with the fact of disliking a certain thing and that thing keeps popping up in order to further polarize me and push me towards “anti” behaviors. All of this is to say, stop telling people “You voted for this!” because most of them did not in fact vote for any of this.

The other day this guy said that our ICE is acting like the Gestapo and he didn’t believe we would end up like this…

I believe him. I do, because he openly expressed his beliefs in some of what Trump was saying and appeared to have zero understanding of the rational arguments people from the other side were saying. Why would he? His algorithm only shows him the wildest stuff and the stuff he already believes or is starting to believe. Assuming that he has the mindset or even the intelligence to predict what could possibly go wrong in this scenario is foolish. We cannot make him into someone or something he never actually was, which is an intelligent forward thinking, balanced, and highly rationally individual. He’s not that guy. He’s a stand up comic turned Fear Factor host turned MMA commentator turned podcaster. Come on, folks. He’s not Obama. He is of above-average IQ score (127) but that fails to account for a lot of things…

Here’s the main thing: What we ingest is what we put out. Most of the people (I believe) who voted for Trump are innundated with nonsense about the Great Replacement theory and feel like they are losing their power. They are not voting for people to be murdered in the streets, but when you repeatedly tell them they are, you’re pushing them further and further away from rational thinking. The goal here is to bring us all back together, not to make it so the 56% of Americans who are white continue to fear the 44% who aren’t. Let’s come together and recognize that mistakes were made and instead of blaming, work to fix the problems we all have contributed to creating.