Author: admin

Here is the thing about writer’s block: It is a manifestation of uncertainty and lack of direction in your project. It isn’t a block. It is a symptom of you not knowing what you want to do and feeling stuck and out of answers. I’m feeling that as of late when it comes to my new novel project. It is indeed a tough one. So tough that I allowed myself to take on another quick run project purely to distract myself from what I’m supposed to be writing. It worked–for a couple of days at least. Then, this morning, it took a different turn. I found that this new project had a small hiccup and what I did as a result was turn on Manifest, and add another layer of distraction to the mix. This is how the block works. You (read: me) add on layer after layer of distractions as a way of distancing from the real problem and in that it becomes easier to getaway for a while, but harder and harder to get back to the source.

So, as I am drifting and recognizing the drift, I am discovering the root of it and learning how to write about it, which should help me solve these problems or at least to confront them in the future.

I’m not feeling the bloganovella today. The key is it is mid evening and I am not feeling the words or the worlds at all. I truly think I programmed myself to be a morning writer. I can do other odds and ends like world building (specifically mapmaking) in the eve but I don’t want to write. I rather I didn’t write at all if possible. Instead I’m here sitting in bed and blogging and listening to my kids in the distance debating whether or not Chess is a sport and one of them openly expressing how much more respect he has for a Chess player than a basketball player. It is another one of those odd conversations that show me how much the y value intelligence and how they specifically define what intelligence is/reflects.

Anyhow, I’m not feeling the writing, but I am interested in thinking about the way we do perceive people and what we focus on in our culture. Celebrity, of course, is the pinnacle of success and royalty–no matter how you come by that celebrity status. Some are famous for potential, such as LeBron James’ son (also his legacy status makes him an instant star). Some are famous for being famous like the Kardashians. Others are rich or talented or any number of things that draw people to you. There’s this tik tok dancer Charlie D’melio (not sure of spelling) who has over a hundred million subscribers. Why? I suppose she represents a level of sexuality that people look for. I find it silly. Number 2 on the tik tok list is a dude who cracks jokes. I’m surprised by that.

Anyhow, that’s 10. I’m out.

As a writer I often talk about (and generally feel) that place is an important aspect of the writing headspace. After spending the last 16 days in Seattle and moving through three different hotels/VRBO’s I found that place is a more important construct than previously imagined, but in some ways a virtual construct as well.

Have Laptop, Will Travel
The first thing you need to understand about the writing environment is the tools. I’m a laptop person now. In earlier days I was a typewriter guy or a notebook guy. I wrote out my first major manuscript by hand, and the second on an electronic typewriter the likes of which I, fortunately, never saw again. That second manuscript–the first one that was a complete novel vs. a short and cute novella about an Elf named Horace Treefellow was burned to char in the compactor room of the apartment building where I lived. It was placed there by my mother. Nothing more need be said on that topic. I lost another near complete manuscript to a busted laptop following an unfortunate holiday incident involving champagne. I lost another laptop to the back wheels of my car, because I was stupid. All of that being said, I believe the laptop is the critical part of my writing space and the ‘cloud’ is a huge part of that. I can write anywhere on the laptop and upload it for safekeeping.

That Man’s Headspace
Keeping a head about yourself when you are writing basically boils down to being in a space where you feel comfortable. For me that is either out in public where I am able to people watch and become part of the scenery or in my personally cultivated office, generally alone so I don’t risk getting into conversations with the people I love and finding that to be an all too welcome distraction. I do best at coffee shops when out on the road. I do pretty good at restaurants, but I feel bad about taking a table for that extended period of time, so generally limit myself to an hour at the restaurant and two tops at the coffee spot. For me 3-5 hours is really good for writing time. 3 is a legit minimum for any serious progress, so these outdoor and mobile spots mean a lower quality of writing.

Verdict?
I believe the best writers location is the one you cultivate yourself and return to the way you would an old blanket. My office is that for me. I believe the best sort of outdoor spot is one you can people watch, draw power, and feel good and safe about squatting in for your personal length of writing time. I’ve struggled to find that over the years and I am still searching.

When the powers that be in NYC rebuilt the east end of the city collectively known as the Pit, they relied on a widely known philosophy of ‘do only what we need to do’. In this case that meant only redeveloping as much as was obviously unstable or otherwise corrupted be it through damage, magical intervention, time, etc. This way the areas they didn’t fully rebuild could be marked as classic or historical. That is how Brooklyn wound up being a hipster mecca over half a century ago. There was enough of the repurposed old to wipe that suburban shine off the new and to make it accessible to those new faces coming in. Oh, and they did a bunch of old school redlining to get rid of who they deemed undesirable.

This matters to me because of the fountain on 29th and 2nd. The fountain is a landmark and has been for as long as I’ve been alive, though not for the reasons that most people approach it. The fountain was dedicated to the memory of the 27 metahumans murdered in that part of the city during New York’s version of the Night of Rage. Little known secret: The published 27 number was a lowball account. The police records I came across indicated more than double that number of injuries incurred that turned out to be fatal. Anyway, the fountain was erected to show our connections to metahumanity in a meaningful way. The statue at the center shows a long-limbed troll walking with a human boy holding one of his hands and a human girl holding the other. There is a quote, by Ghandi of all people, etched around the base of the statue that reads, “

“If you want to take revenge and feed your hate, you will never be satisfied. Only love can eradicate hate, not hate by itself”

Weird, right? I thought so. I also did a lot more digging and discovered that the spot where the statue was built just happened to be near a secret entrance to the Manhattan underground that was supposedly concreted over when the the fountain was erected. I say supposedly, because it wasn’t. In fact, the quote was a direct message to the increasingly hostile meta population that, “hey, we got this, so chill okay?”

It did not go well.

Fast forward to the present and the underground still exists and so does that entrance, because it was easier for the city to refurbish that set of blocks into a new hipster haven than it was to tear it all down. So that’s where I went.

Some Thoughts:

1. After drifting for a while, I decided it was important to get back to the key terms and situations of this story. Writing is like that more than it isn’t–you swim around a story, figuring things out in your head or on paper as you move, ever slow dang slowly, towards what is centrally the plot or the theme. I posted mine right at the beginning. I’m starting to make a little progress…

I spent the last 16 days in Seattle and I’m sitting at the airport waiting to board a plane to head home. I miss my kids, but I don’t want to go home. I don’t want to swim back towards a life that is designed around people who are for the most part entitled and think first of themselves and what they have going on. We’ve been enjoying a life that is about us and I’ve been enjoying that too. I’ve been working towards creating a balance where it is not about them all the time and I have a life that is about my partner and myself, but the fact remains that I easily fall into habits and show triggers that make my personal life fall apart all too easily. If feels like that tendency denotated the last few moments of this journey and, in a sense, ruined all the progress brough about by it. That is my fault.

My sense of balance is clearly skewed.

I don’t know what to do about tomorrow or how to start focusing on a life that is not about them and more about us. I need to be a better partner and keep focus on what I am focused on and what is important in the forefront.

Some Thoughts:

1. Doesn’t seem like I am long for AZ. I need to get out soon or I’m going to ruin what I have. I give it a year or two at the most. I need to get right with that fast.

People tend to speak of cities in a mythical way and over the years the city of note shifts. Seattle, Denver, Chicago, and Boston have been the big ones since that quake knocked NY for a loop long ago. Heck, those cities were already poised to be the ‘next big thing’ in one way or another and their rise to fresh prominence felt like an extension of what we already knew. Chicago has always been a drek hole so when it became Bug City it wasn’t too far of a leap. Likewise Seattle being where it is and how it is made it fertile ground for a number of expansions. What always surprised me was how quickly the Underground became the standard for what people thought about a city with an Underground network.

how quickly they forgot about New York.

I spent a fair amount of time in the underground in the early days of becoming a cop, because I had the kind of training that put you right in the middle of trouble and said, ‘figure out a way to deescalate.’ I was never the best suited for police work. Detective work maybe but the uniform didn’t fit my personality. At least that’s what they thought after putting me in those kinds of situations and realizing how quickly I went native.

so, when I was stuck I. The city needing to be both dry and hidden away, I did what I do best. I went native.

some thoughts:

1. Did this one on the phone as I chilled out for ten minutes at the end of a long and wonderful day. Came to me fairly slowly and thinly because I can no longer write at night.
   

I’ll be back to the bloganovella tomorrow. I’m back to the revving up phase, as I described it yesterday, and getting back into gear in terms of being a productive writer again. I hit these bumps in the road every so often. Some have to do with the lazy and some have to do with the schedule and still others have to do with a sense of being overwhelmed by my functional reality. However, if one thing is abundantly clear through all of this it is that I do in fact have a writing goal. Several, actually.

I want to write a hit series of books for audible.

I’ve grown so accustomed to listening to audiobooks from authors who are primarily audible/amazon stars that I feel like this is a really great path. I want to add my voice to that eclectic canon and I do believe I have the sort of writing voice that works for it. What will the aforementioned series be? Not sure at this point. I know that I want to be able to write a fantasy series and maybe this is the venue for it.

I have my major market contribution to sci fi.

It is possible that once I complete it this December I will find that I have a lot more to say, but this first go at a major market pure sci fi is a good one. I’m greatly enjoying the writing of it though it is very difficult at times and marries two parts of my life that have forever been separate—law and science.

I want to write a comic book series.

Perhaps the more appropriate term is guest write. I’d love to give it a go. I don’t have a specific comic in mind. I have perhaps a dozen I am intimate with and would live to build upon. Honestly, I would kill an Iron Man-esque Wakanda story that talks about a kid growing up in that environment with the tech skills to challenge Ironheart but ends up in a situation where they are on the wrong side of the law and the policies of Wakanda puts them in a terrible position. In this idea Stark and the Panther are forced to track this teen down and try to put him down… or turn him back towards the light.

After several days of just not being on my grind and not being my best and most productive writer self, I am trying to get back into gear. I know that I have to do just that, because I set deadlines and above all that I have a full time job (just one now) calling me back to the fold shortly.

Here is what I learned about me from Covid-19’s hibernation of sorts: I have an enormous capacity to do things and get stuff done, but that capacity shrinks very quickly when not utilized. If left to my own devices I will sit in a corner and waste most of the day wrapped up in some pointless and inane endeavor designed to give me a quick and easy victory. I’m a win addict. I play games like Apex and Clash Royale (and most recently Catan on the phone) for the quick W, but that quick and repetitive high becomes all-consuming and in a matter of hours I’ve eaten most of my will to work hard and get that greater success.  It is so much harder to sit down and work at constructing a novel that may or may not get published and, in the interim, is extremely mentally taxing than it is to peck away at my phone. In truth, I spent the first 30 minutes of today’s writing session playing Catan. I lost, btw, and then I sat down to write this blog about it.

Facts being what they are, I’m a lazy person. When in motion I can be a tremendously productive and good person. When not, I kind of suck as a human. What middle ground exists between the two is largely speculative.

So, it really comes down to who we allow ourselves to be in any given moment and how we train ourselves to stay the course—especially when it is hard and especially when there are really compelling distractions. I am fortunate to have a partner who helps when I am able to get past my own stubbornness enough to let her. That leaves me in the best life position to get things done, once I really get in motion.

As you’ve seen so many times on this space, dear reader, I’ve fallen off the productivity horse and I am trying to get back up and get back on. When I do, big things…

Took a break from the ‘hard go’ of my vacation to catch up on a few needed hours of rest and to publish all of these blogs I’ve been writing and collecting in wi-fi free space. In fact, I took a day to simply recharge physically and mentally as I move forward into the new week. I think this ought to be the way. I firmly feel that Sundays are for rest and relaxation and just the straight kick back–be it watching football or what have you. So long as you are with who you love the day holds so much promise. All days do.

I had a pretty solid Sunday. We took the bus down to a breakfast spot that turned out to be utter trash, but we walked home and that was more than enough to make up for it. Afterwards it was chillax central for the rest of the good time I had with my partner for the day. Makes me happy to know that I have a person in my life who, merely being with them, makes the day worth being a part of.

Some Thoughts:

1. Over the last two years my family fantasy league did not pay out. This year I’m having the kids each put in $20, which should cover part of the winnings. I used a payout calculator to determine the payouts for the league this year and they are as follows: $100 for the ‘ship, $50 for second place, $5/week for top score of the week, $20 for highest scoring team overall (considering raising it to $30 or splitting the difference @$25) . This puts the overall purse at up to $200 in prizes. That means my personal contribution to the league would be $60, with the remaining seven people providing the rest. It also means multiple people could earn back buy in. That’s a good look for a family league. Oh, and there is the matter of trophies for first and last place.

I don’t often discuss being on the road until I’m back and no longer worried about people robbing my empty how, but the home is filled with family while I’m away, so yeah.
I’m writing from the Amazon Spheres today and absolutely redefining my understanding of workspace. The Spheres are a crazy indoor rainforest (Amazon) concept where the entire space is clear domed and filled with plant life. It smells like heaven. It also changes my mindset dramatically. Between the running water and the green I feel safe, calm, alive, free, and especially creative. This is the kind of place that grows ideas and the kind of workspace that allows for a freedom of thought that often seems to be lacking in the cold grey of academia and business.

I want to find a way to live in these sort of environs. I want to be able to smell the flowers and think of worlds beyond these as I look at what is possible in our own reality.

this is going to be a fundamental part of how I conceive of climate fiction moving forward, because what they captured here argues what can be done and also argues if it should.

that being said, I am grateful for the introduction to the possible because it reframed the impossible immediately. Beyond the beauty it also made me think of the societal construction whereas office and work is normally meant to be about hierarchy, a workspace that lacks that formal hierarchy suggests how people may be able to function in another way professionally and may find the space to grow creativity within themselves within these Spheres.