Author: admin

Having escaped the grim uncertainty of a late evening death (seriously, I lost two father-figures that way in as many years. I was certain my number was up), I turned my attentions to the pursuit of a better life and better days. I started thinking about the friendships in my life and which ones I saw as real, or I saw as convenient, or which ones felt necessary. It is clear to me that all of us dance in those three circles, spinning round and round each other in a raucous attempt to make our lives settled yet somewhat interesting. I did all this in solitude, having been relieved of my kids for the day by my ex. I took a day to run errands and tend to the house and dive deeper to find my center, hoping that I can get to that switch that gets me up to full speed. One guess what I figured out:

There is no switch.

That part feels obvious now, especially in light of the recent post where I talked about how I wasn’t the person I was so long ago. I started thinking about the conservation of matter laws and how that could possibly apply to the words. At first I thought of it as a closed system in the sense that all ideas existing on this plane must reside somewhere and as our writing ebbs and flows, so does our access to the idea gestalt. It was all very Stephen King.

Later, staring at a night full of stars I considered that the conservation of words idea might be an internal mechanism. This is to say that the words never leave the closed system that is my writer’s soul but may change form–specifically, the words become dormant until roused through constant prodding. It is a body in rest and motion philosophy.

I suppose then I need to continue spurring myself into motion.

Some Thoughts:

1. It pained me greatly to assume that my last blog would have been my last blog. It was, as my dearest friend likes to quip, ‘for shit’. This is inspirational speech here, folks. I have another chance not to suck. That’s always good.

I think tonight is a fair night to end the year-to-post experiment. I might pop up years on occasion but there won’t be much of it any longer. The reason I can’t do it tonight is because it hurts to think. My head feels like it is about to explode and the pain is just rolling back and forth between the sides of my skull threatening to roll out of my ears. I don’t know what the cause is, though I expect to medicate the heck out of myself before I go to sleep.

Each typed word is a form of torture. Not just to type it but to read it as I type. I suppose everybody has bad nights but this just sucks

I first mentioned Banshee back in February of 2013. Openly categorized as soft porn with an edge of violence, the show fit the mold of a new wave of ‘skinemax’ work. Even I deemed the piece to be largely about shock and awe. I don’t feel that is the entire story.

The show is a visual mindscrew. It is beautifully shot and sexual and extremely violent, pushing those two extremes together in a manner that still surprises me. The sex is expected. The violence is sudden, original, and far more meaningful than the requisite sexual encounters. In truth it is the violence that unites this wonderfully rich and complex band of characters and the sex that serves to shove them apart.

Obviously a fair bit of it is contrived to make the connections easier and the sex available. New characters that arrive are rarely new and more often cut out of the backstory and rewoven into the schema in a way that reminds us that everyone and everything is connected.

The show also tries very hard to remind us of the message at its core: We are all in flux, moving towards or away from the best version of ourselves and changing direction as a direct result of our reactions to life. In other words, we were all someone else yesterday and will be someone else tomorrow.

That last part matters and it separates the show from the normal drivel I watch. I’ll keep watching so long as ‘skin’ keeps on serving it up.

Some Thoughts:

1. Sticking with the civil war, 1865 was the year Robert E. Lee was named de facto leader of the confederate forces. See now why that damnable orange car is so subversive? On the one hand it made us forget–if only consciously–that Lee was on the wrong side of the war. On the other hand, both sides are still us and still ought to be respected and remembered with reverence. Brother vs. Brother–orange car or not.

One of those nights where it is fought to string together the coherent. There’s always so many thoughts I can share though. Here are a few…

 

Some Thoughts:

1. So Sharknado 3 is happening…
2. Are you not entertained? Consider this: The Splash Bros of Golden State aren’t even the reason that the series is locked at two. In fact, they won’t be the reason if the Warriors win the series. The secret, as explained by San Antonio, is to use the 3 position to wear down James and force everyone else to step up.
3. After having just finished Love Minus Eighty I’ve moved on to The Fold. I’ll be making a run on the (6) new Shadowrun books shortly…
4. The kids’ basketball season gets underway in the morning. This sport that is the staple of nearly every inner city I’ve touched gets almost no treatment in the suburbs. We are limited to a 5 week season in the heat of summer where the level of competition is reflective of the limited time spent in training. Kids aren’t learning the game the right way and as a result end up passing as much as Carmelo. No surprise then that all of my teams are called The Knicks.
5. Stewart’s run on the Daily Show is near and end. He makes number three, following Leno and Letterman. What I realize about that is we are living in a period of transition between eras and legacies. This means we are at the end of something and the beginning of something else. What I wonder is what era I belong to…

Turns out I have a lot of things to sort out. On the surface this is a basic organizational deformity, but on a deeper level it is about letting things pile up and then having to find the strength to dig out from under them. I’ve been playing with the idea of calling that habit Quicksand. Now that I’m in a state of mind to really see the big picture and how I’ve set up my life and habits I am aware of certain patterns.

If you look around my home there are pockets of stuff. A great deal of this stuff is useless and kept around as an example of things that were going to happen or were amazing for a half-second before realization of the time commitment kicked in. What made me the most cognizant of this whole situation was the moment I noticed a pile of legos that belong to my mid-kid. We’re talking legos from Christmas that he hungered to put together, put down, and never touched again. These things are in plain site–if you bother to look outside of the normal walking paths. In fact the boy walks by them often on a daily basis. He doesn’t bother to pick them up and finish the job. I’m afraid he might get that from me.

Don’t get me wrong. This is not the way I live my life in general, but I do tend to start more projects than is reasonable for a human and dump the detritus of what won’t get done into a pile somewhere so that I don’t get mired in the quicksand of too many tasks. The problem is that there is a whole lot of quicksand now.

This blog often becomes a catharsis–a way to make sense of the jumble of information squatting in my head; an exorcism for all of the guilt, angst, rage, and glee tumbling around in there like a clothing in a dryer (mental note: do laundry). So this post is a way for me to share and maybe take a deeper look at the realization. I need to get better at getting things done.

Some Thoughts:

1. Some nights I have things to say. Some nights not. Writing is like that.
2. I don’t know how much longer I care to carry on this historical fact of the night business. Last night wasn’t the end game, because I have something minor to share about 1863. It was the year in the American Civil War that the Confederate States officially adopted the confederate flag. I bring this up because although the ‘real’ flag now flies in all the states, many of the south have continued the tradition of the other flag. I grew up with the confederate flag in the most subversive way. I watched the Dukes of Hazard and cheered the so-called ‘national flag’ every time the General Lee (also subversive) hopped over a pile of dirt and soared skyward to escape the cops.

Today I had a conversation with a fellow writer about the need to write every day. I’ll be honest, short of these ten minutes I don’t always write every day. That used to be okay. I used to have the mental focus and acuity to pick up a story, write a bit, put it down for a week, and then start right back up again. That no longer feels realistic. Another friend helped me to relate that sensation to the idea of working out my body. See, both are systems that become harder to train and need to be trained more regularly over time. The muscles struggle with age and specified disuse. The mind gets cluttered with life’s daily distractions and the responsibilities that form every hour.

Somehow recognizing that the carefree kid I used to be isn’t necessary expected to be the mature writer I am today helped me to understand that the way I approach writing needs to mature with me. It is such a simple and small lesson, but a pivotal one.

 

Some Thoughts:

1. In 1862 the Revenue act of 1861 took effect, which led to ten years of taxation which eventually turned into a flat tax rate as of 1894—an act that was eventually repealed, sadly. I think we could benefit from a flat tax. Unfortunately, the courts at that time found such a thing to be unconstitutional.

In 1861 James Naismith was born. His legacy includes the great game of basketball. Today, 154 years later, Lebron James’ near triple-double powered the Cavs to an unlikely game three win over the heavily favored Warriors. Lets consider the facts: The Cavs are missing two starters, both lost in the playoffs. Not just random starters but all stars–two of the big three. Fortunately the last man standing is James, and that seems to be enough thus far.

Who knows if the Warriors can stop what suddenly appears to be an unstoppable force bent on bringing Cleveland their first bit of goodness in a very long time.

 

Some Thoughts:

1. After long and careful consideration I have decided to keep cable–at least briefly. Its the football and well ESPN. There are a handful of services I am not yet willing to sacrifice. They can mostly be gained through private means such as Apple TV. It has become a much bigger deal than it should be. It feels like cutting the cord should be easier than this. Still, as my Direct TV agent always says, it’s hard to lose a long time customer…
2. Loot Crate is the first of number of services I stumbled upon that provide small boxes of fan material for subscription-based consumption. Hero Box is my latest favorite–given my recent game loft design project. Worth checking out…

Back in 1860 Then candidate Abraham Lincoln gave perhaps his most powerful speech; the speech that purportedly launched him into the presidency. The Cooper Union speech was not full of one liners, zingers, or memorable quotes. It was a powerful argument built on the core aristotelian principles of essay and argument and presented a logical combination attack to all of those who felt that slavery remained in the best interests of the Republican party and America. That speech is on my mind as of late because it isn’t the one Lincoln is remembered for. Sometimes the best we do isn’t what people remember of us. Instead they remember the things they reflect on and connect to.

Recently I’ve been considering that in my own life and my own writings. In terms of life I’m a man who separated from his wife and as such I’m not remembered by her family as the guy who always helped and was always good to the people around him. I’m remembered as the one who left. In my writing I perhaps still see myself as the guy who is going to write an epic fantasy series on the scale of Jordan or Martin. I am,  however, best known for writing Shadowrun stories.

There is often a vast wasteland between what we believe defines us and what defines us in the eyes of others. We have little control over the beliefs and definitions of others but maintain absolute control over how we define ourselves. I’ve been learning how to define myself all over again and what the best version of that self looks like and what he does. This has no bearing on how anyone else sees me, and maybe that is for the best. After all, sooner or later we all have to decide which definition is more important–ours or theirs.

There is something about a project done that raises a smile to my cheeks. As I’ve noted over the past few weeks, I’ve been working on the home. I finally got around to mounting the downstairs TV, which puts me a step closer to figuring out what sort of cabinet and such is needed in that space. The task would’ve been simple work for someone skilled in such things. I am not such a person. One stripped screw and one hour later the work was done and I, ever the fan boy, enjoyed Game of Thrones on a wall mounted screen.

I call this a small victory. It wasn’t the wounded cavs edging the Warriors in game 2, or the Rangers coming back time and again to force a game 7, but it was a small victory. I’m learning to cherish these small victories. Too much of my life has been wasted waiting for the big win and overlooking the small but meaningful ones. When I coach I constantly remind my players that they can only ever control their attitude and their effort and to have full control of both–to push both to the limits of what is possible. Now in the purest form of hypocrisy, I often look too far into the future and through such means lose control of both attitude and effort. Knowing this now allows me to get better at practicing what I preach.

Some Thoughts:

1. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the year Dickens first published his classic A Tale of Two Cities.

Following this link reminded me of how art is often based on life and how that cycle–even in sic-fi–can be driven from the opposite direction than what I stated yesterday. The link is to the story of the lost man, which served as the inspiration for the Colorado Kid, which served as the basis of the TV show Haven. At each stage of that cycle more and more creatives are involved and effort to change the original idea/happening more towards what their particular vision is. It therefore is a useful skill to not care too much about what happens to your work after it leaves your hands. In a real sense you are like a trainer raising the work and caring for it to send it out into the world to be loved, corrupted, and perhaps even slaughtered. We writers are like pig farmers that way.

I’ve spent some time thinking more about the idea of ideas and the role of creating a vision of the world. It is still true in my mind that writers help to create the future, but it is equally true that writing is a response to the present and the past and at times a way to reach catharsis of particular events that transpire. There are, for example, hundreds of books that deal specifically with the events of 9/11. They are not premonitory but they are reflective. Some are even highly derivative and some TV series are the same way.

What I think now more than ever is that character is at the central of all this and that we are so often as writers talking about the individuals and how they respond to these events, these mysteries, and these leaps in technology. So, while I still feel that science fiction is and should remain the driving influence of science, I also feel like I should mention that the human response to said science is something that the writing can help us tackle and form an appreciation for…

 

Some Thoughts:

1. 1858 was the first time people were charged money to see a professional baseball game. The first pay-to-watch game was the New York vs. Brooklyn, which the team that would become the hallowed Yankees won 22-18. Meanwhile today NY beat the other LA team 8-2, continuing to dominate and torture those who do not respect the Yankee way…
2. In other news, there is a Triple Crown Winner for the first time in a really long time. This ought to absorb a great deal of air time on the sports channels and give horse racing a much needed boost. Who knows what is going to happen to the horse? I suspect lots of sex in the future of that beast…