Author: admin

1278. Separation Anxiety

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Today I lost my laptop. For the better part of the day I thought it was gone. I worried about my lost data, my unfinished novel that I felt was in the hands of some un-captured criminal. After hours of fretting, my mid-kid found the laptop. He isn’t clear on how it got to where it got, but he was able to locate it with relatively little trouble.

All that fretting for naught.

Afterwards I got to thinking about how valuable the things I carry really are. My laptop is a lifeline to the digital world, but it is also the sole repository of so many of my ideas. I’ve moved almost completely to the digital medium for storing my thoughts, and to lose the ‘top felt like a piece of me was shorn. I walked around like a zombie for most of the day, anxious about whether or not it could be found and nervous that it never would be.  In the end fortune smiled and granted me this small piece of tech.

Things are meaningful, but ideas are also extremely meaningful. Losing what I put to paper reminded me of the value of what I do and helped me to recognize the role it plays in my life. I need to write more and give more of myself to the words. The things that matter the most to you should be the things you do the most to preserve.

 

1277. On Finding the Time to Write

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I’ve fallen into a bit of a routine. Come home from work, play with the kids, help the kids with homework, play a spot of Batman Origins, write for a bit (while hiding from aforementioned children), dinner,  clean up, play or watch tv with kids, prep kids for bed, watch tv by self, watch several hours of Breaking Bad with wife, write, sleep, repeat. Writing happens twice in that sandwich of events, but it doesn’t happen well. I’ve taken measures to maximize the time I have–namely making sure I can compact the work stuff into the work day–but I still have one last stage to go. I need to establish a solid writing hour during the time the kids and I are both home. This will ensure a healthy respect for the writing process as well as my personal space and time. It will also give me a time of day to write where I can assure myself the work product will be valuable.

Most authors will tell you to come to the page at the same time every day. I am that author, but I am also the guy with three boys, one wife, and no maid. Clearly there are parental and household responsibilities I am expected to keep pace with. The current routine doesn’t necessarily offer a lot of opportunity to do that, but I am ready to take that next leap and sacrifice some of the activities I really enjoy for the activity I truly love. Writing is a priority in my head but hasn’t always been a priority in my life. NanoWrimo is the perfect opportunity to make it so.

 

 

 

Some Thoughts:

1276. On Regret

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I stumbled across a page about regrets on cracked.com. It heralded 20 things worth regretting, which led me to think about the things you should never regret. I disagree with a lot of what they have to say. I don’t think regret is a sensation (if you can call it that) I take much stock in. I believe in living life with utter and complete passion. I believe in making the best choices as well, so you don’t rush into anything without giving consequences and benefits the full thought they deserve. Perhaps that’s the real reason why people regret–because they half-assed the choice.

Live with passion and let it guide you to the best possible outcome. Regret is for suckers.

Some Thoughts:

  1. My cat got trapped in the toy closet for what must’ve been hours. Here’s the weird part: We closed the door before we left at 3, came home by 5:30, but she didn’t mewl about it till 8:30. What were you doing in there? Sleeping?
  2. Fantasy FB season is back on track with a win against the worst team in the league. I needed that win to end a 2 game skid that found me going from first place to 3rd. Now I gotta figure out a few things about the RB situation, because my main guy is terrible this season. Even so, my team is looking like a playoff squad but barely. The top teams are ringing in the points and I’m trying to hold on. We’ll see what kind of deals I can make to turn that around. After all, if you ain’t trading you ain’t trying.
  3. I’ve come to realize that when you let people vote for things they don’t much care about, you get votes that are more reflective of feelings than real stuff. We had a vote for the rookie of the year trophy for the 4-5 team and the vote went to the girl who touched the ball about twice in a 7 game season and spent her on-field minutes playing tag with another girl as opposed to any actual soccer (both touches being completely accidental). The new players who worked hard at the game were snubbed in the voting and it had nothing to do with their talent. Annoying. My oldest kid called it on week one, and I didn’t believe him. Kid intuition is almost as god as women’s intuition it seems.

1275. Guerilla Guide to Parenting

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Some of the funniest moments of my childhood involve watching (and later mocking) those commercial where the parent sees his kid using drugs or doing some other foolishness and then the kid screams, “I learned it from watching you!”

Years of so sociological study and parenting failed to prepare me for the day I woke up and realized that my kids had become smack talking video gamers practically overnight. Indeed, they learned it by watching me. My kids are socialized to be tiny versions of myself. Therefore, in order to make them more worldly and intelligent humans, I have to be hyper aware of what I do, and do stuff intentionally to drive them to learn more. The secret of parenting is: You can’t be lazy and you can’t act like stuff doesn’t matter–unless it actually doesn’t, in which case proceed as normal.
The guerilla part of this is finding ways to turn every day moments into teaching moments. Specifically, when your kids are apt pupils in the things they love (video games for my bunch), take that moment to teach them about the world. Teach inference. Teach rhetorical analysis. Teach mathematics, basic coding. I don’t expect every one of my kids to turn into Sherlock Holmes, but I do want them to see what is coming 12 steps away.
I’ve been getting them to overanalyze every game they play to the point where they can predict computer villain behaviors and react before the damage reaches them. This skill can be translated into chess, which can be translated into interpersonal relations and negotiation. Every game is truth and every truth can be found in the code of a game.
Maybe I’m reaching here, but it feels like a very sensible approach to developing learners.

1274. NanoGames

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Listen deeply to the wind. Somewhere amidst the hum is the clatter and clack of 25,000+ keyboards hacking away at a great new novel. NanoWrimo is our ‘coming out party’ It is the month we’ve made belong to us, that speaks to us, that reminds us there is great beauty and courage in being a writer.

I was talking to one of my new favorite people the other day and she professed a bit of wonderment at the profound nature of my competitive spirit. I must admit, I’m no longer as competitive as I once was in terms of writing–in terms of anything really–and it effects my productive output. Nano brings out a bit more of that fire in me. It reminds me that I don’t have to be better than the writer standing beside me in order to be successful. In truth, I just need to be better than I’ve allowed myself to be in the past. In the sports parlance, I need to beat my own time and turn on that fire inside of me to create some of the best writing on the planet.

Some Thoughts:

  1. Recently a FB player was pranked so bad at a team lunch that he snapped, leading to his temporary leave due to ‘medical reasons’. I wonder what you could do to a 300+ lineman to make him snap like that.

1273. Samhain and the Pumpkin People

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Halloween in our era has very little to do with the original Samhain harvest festival. I celebrate Halloween less as a holiday than as a social event. Each year we gather the kids, stuff them into colorful costumes, and go door to door expecting candy. This year we took to the streets with friends, and the experience was different than what we’ve done in the past. It was a lot better. Not only were the house displays nicer, but the company and conversation meant that we adults could enjoy it on two levels. We were happy to enjoy our kids and happy to be in conversation.

The best part of the evening was a house in the middle of a block that took Halloween to the next level. They turned one portion of their front yard into a cemetery, while the other side of the front yard was a treasure trove guarded by all manner of fantasy monster. Much to the surprise, and often abject terror, of the kids, the monsters moved. They were wired to respond to vibrations, so when a kid got too close to the treasure, something leaped out at them. The cemetery was even more high tech. In the window behind rows of gravestones A ghost flew about. The ghost was a holographic film projection against the window that looked so real that my own kids were unwilling to get too close.

It turns out that house is pretty famous in Maricopa for their displays. The day after Thanksgiving they do a huge Xmas presentation that involves the Fire Department and a local cheer squad. I’m hoping to publish an article about that event in the Maricopan after it happens. In the meanwhile, that house helped us have a spooky Halloween.

Some Thoughts:

  1. The next 30 or so days are NanoWrimo–the National Novel Writing Month. I’ll be participating this week as well as requiring my writing students to participate. This is a really great opportunity for them to be part of a larger writing community and get the benefits of that. Should be fun. The 10 Minute Rule will likely bear some of the brunt of this labor, and I expect to produce or reflect here as much as possible.
  2. Wine is preferable to beer for most occasions. Beer, I find, is an enjoyable distraction  only when extremely cold.
  3. Watching Blackfish with my cat was a really odd experience. My cat responded to every whale call. She doesn’t like whales all that much. Perhaps it feels like a meal that cannot ever be enjoyed.

1272. Waiver Wednesday

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When you become familiar with things it is easy to produce over and over again. I’ve become familiar with the Waiver Wednesday, so it is simple to churn out one of these bad boys, even when my mind is fatigued and devoid of ideas. So it is good fortune that this Wednesday’s 10 minute rule falls to football, for it requires no new neural pathways; no planning or forethought. Picking football is instinct, and my instincts are pretty good.

MIA over CIN
Going against the critics here, because I feel like Miami has a lot of opportunity at home. This is despite the fact that they lost a tackle and may have some dissension in the ranks. I think Miami can stop the run and force the pass. If they can minimize turnovers, I’m saying there’s a chance.

BUF over KC
AFC East week! I have little faith in the BUF offensive players, but I have heavy faith in the D to play hard and the O coaches to put together a strong gameplan.

MIN over DAL
The ‘Boys will have a hard time stopping Jared Allen this week, and an even tougher time keeping AP out of the endzone.

STL over TEN
STL home games are where the Rams do their dirty work. This game will be a close win for the home team.

NYJ over NO
My prediction presumes a defensive stand, and also respects the win every other week mentality of NY.

CAR over ATL
PHI over OAK
SEA over TB
BAL over CLE
NE over PIT
IND over HOU
GB over CHI

1271. Dead space

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I’m really out of words this evening. I’ve sat here for the better part of ten minutes trying to figure some words to fill the blog, but I can’t reach into my creative center and draw out anything of worth. It seems then that I have finally run out of things to say.

Try again tomorrow.

1270. Reflections on a Monday Night

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I’ve been doing quite a bit of reflecting as of late, and most of it in the wee hours of the morning when the world is asleep. I suppose this is the difference between writers with kids and writers on their own. Writers with kids are left to stalk the night in order to find a quiet moment, whereas writers on their own can find any moment to summon inspiration and put finger to keyboard. Let’s call that jealousy, shall we?

I’m long past the useless speculation of who I could have been without kids and a wife. Now it is more about how incomplete I would be were they not a part of my life. This in no way defends their behaviors or blatant unwillingness to let me put words to paper during waking hours. All of that is merely another set of obstacles I must overcome in order to achieve my goals. If I want something badly enough, I find a way to make it happen.

So, what do I want? NYT Best Selling Novels, flat screens in every possible crevice, time. Mostly time. I want to luxuriate in learning new things. I want to learn how to cook a five minute omelet and have the will, means, and tools to clean up the mess in under two minutes. I want my legs to stop acting like there’s glass in my bloodstream. I want to wake up feeling like my kids are learning something new and valuable everyday, and that the learning from yesterday sets the foundation for today’s learning, which sets the foundation for tomorrow. I want to know my children love me and each other and won’t slay anyone over a disagreement the way kids have been doing for centuries.

I want a breakfast that carries me longer than two hours. I want a gym I don’t feel inferior in. I want students who care about their learning and their craft more than I do.

I don’t know that I have the power to control all these things, but I know I need to accept responsibility and take control of the things I do hold sway over. I know I need to stop talking about doing that and get it done.

1269. 24 Hrs Removed

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Down in the Canyon I watched a lot of people run rim to rim. There were men, women, young, old–every group conceivable moving through something wikipedia lazily refers to as a ‘strenuous’ hike with the speed of a marathoner. This is not to mention the dizzying heights involved here. I remember looking over the edge at one point and thinking that it would take me a good 15 seconds to hit the bottom. I could’ve been wrong about the numbers, but it felt right in my head the way running that trail both ways felt wrong in my head. It was in that moment I remembered my age and my utter lack of dedication to physical exercise.

24 hours removed from the rim I’m more self-reflective about the event. The hike was harder than I expected, but I expected a cake walk. That shows how much I knew and how little I researched before diving headlong into an adventure. The lesson to be learned here is: Be prepared. That’s something I learned from the Boy Scouts in the days before scout leaders were demolishing ancient rock formations (see if any scouts get invited to stonehenge). With a clearer head I can see that the challenge of the Canyon is less man vs. Nature as it is Man vs. Self. Perhaps in that sense most challenges are a matter of Man vs. Self as we all have to define our limitations and our willingness to commit to something to the point of surrendering other things.

The more I look around, the more I see evidence of that willingness to commit in all aspects of life. When you take a job, for example, you are saying that this time belongs to this singular pursuit and cannot be used for other purposes. When you commit to a religion you are saying ‘I commit to abide by these social mores’. Your level of commitment is a choice that you must make yourself, but it can be reflective of your success and even enjoyment in the rewards that commitment brings.

We five committed to a hike and the cost was a temporary pain and mental strain. The reward was knowledge of self. I know what my limitations are just a little bit more than I did a few days ago. Moreover, I know what it is going to take to expand them.

 

 

Some Thoughts:

  1. My freshman year of college was the first time I played any serious organized ball. I did baseball all the way up through my freshman year in H.S. and messed around with some club ball after that, but nothing prepared me for being handed a workout log and being told what weight I was expected to lift and be four weeks henceforth. Pain followed.  After a decade I forgot what it felt like to be in that much pain from a workout. I remember that now. The aches running through every part of my legs as a result of trying muscle clusters that haven’t felt action in 9 years. It may be another day before my body bounces back.