Author: admin

I missed my Monday blog.

This was in no way intentional. I actually wrote out the header and prepared to write before   I was distracted by other responsibilities. It is my fault that I never remembered to go back to it. This ends a streak of 899 days of successive writing. I’m considering resetting the numbering as symbol of the failure, but I am still unsure. The fact is, I’ve been slipping a lot lately. That is a sure sign that something is wrong.

I cannot point to anything specific. I know that I’ve spent a foolish amount of many as of late. I am eating more junk food than a human should consume, and I missed the football game this weekend. This means my health is not tip top. Nor do I feel like working on that at the moment.

The fact is, something is not right in Denmark. There is something very off with me as of late and I have no idea what or why it is. Apparently I have a mystery on my hands. I’m trying to solve a disappearance, and the person who is missing is me.

I’ve begun to appreciate BSG and Babylon 5 more over the past few months. I can’t fathom how hard it must be to pull together a series over the course of several years and maintain the continuity, progress the storyline, and keep it good. As I watch shows like Dexter, et al, I wonder if it can be done all that well.

What all of these successful shows have is this sense of continuity. Despite the fact that writers may change (a problem that plagues shows and video games of this manner), the key plot remains strong. BSG and B5 both had clear endings that were hinted at from the first episode and developed throughout. This often was not apparent until the last season. Now shows like Lost, which had a clear ending but no sense of how long the show would last. Those factors contributed to a show that slowed along the way and, on occasion, became desperately confusing and strayed far off the storyline. The same could be said of Buffy or Fringe, the latter of which is ending this season without pursuing huge parts of the plot.

In short, it is tough to tell a story. It is even tougher to tell a story in pieces that stretch across the years. I tip my hat to those who pull it off.

Let me get the dark stuff out of the way first: I beat my kids. I offer up spankings on a platter of misbehavior and hastily ignored rules. I spank ruthlessly, seeking to inure my kids to the consequences of poor choices. Yes, I know it isn’t the way of modern times. I am old school. I have read the research, and I think it was written within a vat of excrement (i.e. full of sh–). The research fails to account for the social strata of the spanking victim and, furthermore, fails to project past the age of 25, the age where we know our decision making skills are fully affirmed.  That being said, I believe I am a good dad. At least partly. Sometimes I think I  am a bad dad, and those times are when I am giving the kids what they want vs. what they need.

Today we went to the Out of Africa Wildlife preserve. The 2.5 hour drive lasted closer to three and was marred by crying, fighting, and a lot of complaining. The complaints continued throughout the trip, ranging from demands for more food or water or to go a certain place right away. Afterwards we fed the kids junk food (bad parent right there) and drove home. There were a smattering of thank yous, but when we got home the complaining started in earnest.

Maybe the house is possessed by an evil spirit that turns my children into demons of demand. Maybe they feel so entitled by what they get that they feel they can demand more and get away with it. Maybe I don’t beat them nearly as much as required. I don’t know the answers, but I do know they actively disrespect my wifey and I following any trip or anything special that they get. The bad parent in me is not consistent with the responses to  their behavior and that creates a situation where they don’t know what is going to happen (outside of some general yelling, which I am quite consistent about). To make matters worse, my wifey and I are also inconsistent with how we punish.

Clearly there are no exact rules to being a good parent. There are guidelines, at least one of which I am not following. You need to be consistent. I need to be consistent.

I don’t have a lot of words this evening. They’ve been sucked away by fatigue and a the after taste of 8 weeks of college teaching. I’m just tired I suppose. I plan to wind down the evening with DVR’d shows including Modern Family and a few episodes of Person of Interest.

TV is meant to be an escape, and it often can be just that. Between the kids and the work and the specter of writing assignments, I just really need a nice long break.

I’ve always been a fan of Hyperbole and a Half. I find myself wondering what happened to Allie, or my browser, or whatever. See, she hasn’t updated her stuff in a while according to my browser, which means she’s been bought off by Microsoft (circa the Guild) or I am just not getting updates. I love it when writers are prolific. I feel like I need to be that way when everyone around me is just clicking. The worst feeling is to be walking backwards in a crowd of runners. This morning I thought up a pretty sick introduction to a Shadowrun novel. This thing could be very good. I’ll be laying it out this week and pitching it shortly after. Accepted or not, It is going to be my Nano-novel.

In other news, I’ve hit a bit of a groove in the teaching world. I know what I want to do with my students next semester and for the rest of this semester. I was seeking a common thread or guiding principle that held everything together. With the help of a colleague I discovered that the central thread is the idea of responsibility and role. What is your role as an educated citizen. Being educated and being a citizen means heightened responsibility, but the beauty of America (and perhaps its downfall) is that you may select your role. All of my assignments are reflective in that they all ask students to consider role and responsibility as they write and especially in regards to who they are writing to.

At 0-6 facing the #1 team in the league, my season is pretty much over. Who would have thought the Cleveland Browns would pull off a win before I did? There were moments, well, moment, when it seemed like I could win a game. Then reality dropped a foot down my–.

Well, at least there is the pick ’em season. Heading into the week I was despondent at 47  – 30. A 9-5 week takes me to 56 – 35, beating all the pickers I’m up against save Wickersham and Mortensen. I’m still behind those two Bristol U brethren, but closing fast. I think this is the week I make my move. I’m going bold.

SF over SEA
NYG figured out the formula to beat Alex Smith, but it was always there. See, you gotta get a lead and make him play from behind. I don’t see how Seattle can do that this far from home.

TEN over BUF
CJ1k? Let’s hope he continues along this path and has a breakout game against the worst run D in football.

IND over CLE
Last week was a fluke. That beating Indy took in NY is the kind of thing that ignites offenses. I feel like they may get on track this week, possibly earning me a win in the fantasy realm.

GB over STL
Discount double check! I think the Packers are back to their form, which does spell trouble for pass defenses. Rodgers is doing his thing and spreading it around. When Jennings comes back it will be even better.

MIN over AZ
All Day Peterson has hardly been mentioned in the national media. This isn’t the week for that, but a combination of him and an emergent pass offense really could make the D’s day easy. Oh, and Skelton is starting.

NYG over WSH
I gotta go with my G-men, despite all the facts to the contrary. Fact: Gmen lost twice to these guys last year sans RGIII. Fact: Gmen are not good at home. Fact: they may experience a let down after whuppin that SF booty. Fact: Despite all these facts, I gotta stick with my Gmen.

NO over TB
(see above comments on Packers)

CAR over DAL
Carolina is a team in trouble. They are desperate and struggling. They will face a fast, angry D. They will struggle with the pass rush and–aww who am I kidding? This is the Cowboys. They’re getting punked.

BAL over HOU
Toughest pick this week. I think Houston is reeling and Baltimore is looking to step up and prove they can win without their defensive leaders. Here’s what happens: Shaub and Johnson abuse Baltimore until Ed Reed says no more. He get a pick 6, the O starts throwing it, and Baltimore takes the win.

JAC over OAK
Just like AP, pocket hercules has been quiet. I think this is the week he speaks up. With his feet.

NYJ over NE
NE isn’t as great as they think. Although this is a home game for the great and powerful Brady, the Jets D is playing with passion and purpose. I have never seen Cromartie play like this, and those around him are stepping up as well.

PIT over CIN
They’re still Pittsburgh.

DET over CHI
Megatron time, Y’all. This is not going to be about the run game. It is going to be about the passing attacks and pass defense for both groups.

The crying begins at 5:45 AM. That is the moment my wife leaves, raising the garage door and inadvertently informing our youngest she is gone. I rise reluctantly and pluck the child from the spot on the floor in the hallway where he weeps every Tuesday at this time. I bring him back into the bed and we sleep for a few minutes more as the rest of the house comes awake.

The middle child is next. He peaks in through the bedroom door, silent as a ninja. I se him and call him over. He gives me a kiss and wanders downstairs to dress and watch cartoons. The first born follows.

These are the easy moments of my single dad Tuesdays. I recognize the misnomer. I am happily married. However, my wife leaves early on Tuesdays only to return well past bedtime. It is that second half, the moments after school, that are the hardest. It leaves me in a state where I cannot do anything for myself or my teaching or my learning until they are fast asleep. As the hours wear on they grow ornery, and that leads to trouble.

Tonight the youngest tried to break my laptop in a fit of rage. He was mad for nothing and at nothing. He was simply disappointed about being tired. That is what happens when you don’t nap. So, I’m going to go nap right now.

I’m having trouble with one particular class. It feels a bit like the fates are conspiring against me on this one. I spent several hour constructing an incredible sequence of events designed to lead the class through the development of an essay and into a handful of crucial rhetorical patterns. Now, I thought I saved it. In fact, I feel like I copied part of the document into my evernote at some point without, apparently, saving the original document. If I did save the thing, I did so in a way that completely obfuscated it.

The problem is only partly content. Students will only get excited about something the instructor is excited about. Even then, they need to feel personally connected to the issue in some way in order to give a damn. The plan required students to come prepared with homework read and written in order to get into class. Each day requires a ticket in. At the end of the month the students are asked to assess the ticket in strategy as to how it affected their learning.

Here is the problem: I don’t know what the ticket-in for thursday is. So, I gotta generate a new ticket in, so I can keep things going. I think the ticket is going to be a 1 page draft of their reasoning behind their assignment choice for Tuesday.

That could work. It ought to, because everything else is gone.

This election season I’ve heard much about entitlements. Each ‘side’ claims (correctly) that the other side lauds entitlements for their base. The dems visibly help those less fortunate as a way to bring everyone up. The GOP helps those with wealth gain/keep more of that wealth so that it may ‘trickle down’ to those less fortunate. I fall along the democratic spectrum, but I am not shy on admitting that I have benefited from Republican created loopholes. While I didn’t pick up a nearly-free Hummer while that loophole was open, I am pleased the mortgage loopholes remain open.

These entitlements, these privileges are so ubiquitous that is easy to forget they even exist. I’m interested, both as a sociologist and as a middle-class American to really dissect these entitlements and find out how much the state is covering for us all. Watching the chaos unfold in Greece and elsewhere leads me to believe that any genuine challenge to our hidden entitlements will cause wide scale unrest. Imagine discovering that the government was keeping our oil prices artificially low, say a dollar or more. If prices jumped a dollar, we would lose our minds.

And then we would pay it.

The fact is, we don’t have control over the entitlements given, and should we be forced to relinquish them, we would take it. We would moan and gripe and complain about how ‘our America’ is vanishing, but we would stay put. See, nobody is going to leave America, because we have it ingrained in out psyche that it is the greatest place on Earth.

40 – 37 = 3 or 3 years.

Include the fact that I legitimately turn 38 in March, and I don’t have long to go before I am 40 yrs old. Why am I regurgitating this awfulness now? Well, because I desperately despise almost being 40, and I feel like the writing I do is quickly becoming a young man’s game.

There is nothing in the known world to prove my opinion is accurate. It is more of a feeling; a sense that there is a storm of twenty-something geniuses lurking just beyond my perception and waiting for a chance to release really great fiction. I am not mad at them. Hell, I envy them and what they will soon accomplish. I’ve been at this Shadowrun thing for over a decade and I’m finally hitting my stride. Imagine having the energy and zeal of a 20 yr old and being in full stride. That is what Bolt must feel like halfway through the 100 meter.

So what now?

Such a moment of realization should spur me to be a more prolific writer. It doesn’t. I am at the point where my life allows me so much writing and I’ve hit that cap. There is this though: I want to be at a place in a year where I get to leave home for a week, go up to the woods and write. Just write. The next year it can be two weeks, and then perhaps three, with the family joining me for the fourth week. I can do it if I have a grandparent fly up and help the wife out. The fact is, I need the time away from my every day reality to find my way into these wonderful imaginary worlds I hope to create.

 

Some Thoughts:

1. Shout out to Carissa G. who made it through surgery today. It was a nightmare scenario. See, the state of Arizona could not locate a single medical professional capable of performing the delicate neurosurgery. Finally, a doctor was found (likely at extreme insurance cost) and the life-saving surgery occurred. Happy you’re okay CG.
2. Just lost about 10 minutes of my life listening to Anne Coulter. As I mentioned above, I’m a few shy of 40, so I don’t have a bunch of time to be wasting. She appeared on Bill Maher’s show and talked her trash as she does. I think she feels she can semantically bully everyone around her into her version of the truth. I think this makes her a terrible human being but a perfect republican.