Let me get the dark stuff out of the way first: I beat my kids. I offer up spankings on a platter of misbehavior and hastily ignored rules. I spank ruthlessly, seeking to inure my kids to the consequences of poor choices. Yes, I know it isn’t the way of modern times. I am old school. I have read the research, and I think it was written within a vat of excrement (i.e. full of sh–). The research fails to account for the social strata of the spanking victim and, furthermore, fails to project past the age of 25, the age where we know our decision making skills are fully affirmed. That being said, I believe I am a good dad. At least partly. Sometimes I think I am a bad dad, and those times are when I am giving the kids what they want vs. what they need.
Today we went to the Out of Africa Wildlife preserve. The 2.5 hour drive lasted closer to three and was marred by crying, fighting, and a lot of complaining. The complaints continued throughout the trip, ranging from demands for more food or water or to go a certain place right away. Afterwards we fed the kids junk food (bad parent right there) and drove home. There were a smattering of thank yous, but when we got home the complaining started in earnest.
Maybe the house is possessed by an evil spirit that turns my children into demons of demand. Maybe they feel so entitled by what they get that they feel they can demand more and get away with it. Maybe I don’t beat them nearly as much as required. I don’t know the answers, but I do know they actively disrespect my wifey and I following any trip or anything special that they get. The bad parent in me is not consistent with the responses to their behavior and that creates a situation where they don’t know what is going to happen (outside of some general yelling, which I am quite consistent about). To make matters worse, my wifey and I are also inconsistent with how we punish.
Clearly there are no exact rules to being a good parent. There are guidelines, at least one of which I am not following. You need to be consistent. I need to be consistent.