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I’m doing this now while I am thinking about it. Thinking about anything, really. I’ve been dragging ass as it were. I’ve yet to really do more than just think about the possibility of being productive. This is of course a useless mental exercise. Do, or do not. There is no try. This is especially true of taking action in ones own life. At least I got up and walked a few miles with the Lady Talis. These things also matter and do much for the heart in the physical sense. I’m not sure what is going to do that in the mental sense. Feels to me like every time we have a chaotic presidency I start to spiral alongside it, thinking about the futility of it all in a failing world.

I’m mentally drained, but the above is just an excuse. I’m trying to do too many different things as always. It never works the way I want. So, the key is to really focus on locking in on one thing at a time and learning how to transition mind state between these things. I am not very good at it thus far. 50+ years of trying. A drop in the water for an Elf.

I’m no Elf.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Military report says ‘one in a million’ live fire malfunction rained shrapnel on California highway” Yet the governor closed that highway prior to the event causing the shrapnel because he thought something stupid would wind up happening. Yep. Points.

This is not exactly a Waiver Wednesday so much as it is a post about the weird and complex world of getting scholarship offers. My son was recently offered a full ride FB scholarship to Tulane University, a D1-FBS school, and his most prestigious offer yet. Here’s the problem: He cannot commit until he gets on campus and meets face to face with the Head Coach. This is common. Usually in this situation the school will drop dollar and fly a kid out. He cannot take an official visit (meaning school paid) until April 1st. Even then you only get one per school. Generally speaking, the more the team pays for a visit, the higher up the list you are on their Want List. So, we are in a situation where we need to consider how much these schools actually want the kid.

I’ve done my research. He translates to a 3 star recruit right now, though I have yet to figure out how to make that official. His official UA metrics match that number, but Under Armor doesn’t issue stars. So, I have more work to do to get him official. And get him to Tulane to see how we can make this snowball.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “An iconic Oregon waterfall was put up for sale on Redfin. Lawmakers approved the money to buy it” Apparently it was owned by a company that supports Benedictine Monks in the area. So the local government stepped up to buy it before a private owner could. The quote is the best part, “It’s not every day where you see a waterfall come up for sale on Redfin or Realtor.com with no price,” meaning I shuolda been on that!
2. Calling the Iran War a war of choice is kinda strange.. Isn’t every war a war of choice unless you’re actually attacked? The best part is how mad our government is that nobody wants to join our efforts in spite of not being consulted or even informed before we bombed the crap out of Iran and started this thing. Now Trump is pouting… and fuming about bad press. What sucks is how he is likely to make us respond, which is to take his ball and go home–at least when it comes to other conflicts around the world. This situation is seriously going to keep spiraling. Worst President Ever.

I recently introduced myself to James Clear’s work on habits and failure. A quick email entry and now I get these messages about getting right and habits of mind. One of the things I’ve struggled with since I stopped being a kid back in the 90’s is consistency. I have this vicious cycle of working really hard, getting burned out, and then lamenting the fact that I can’t work, and then floundering until I can get back into gear. This has been going on for close to 35 years. It is the core source of my failures in life from academics, to relationships, to sports, and on. As I get older the one thing that changes is my access to support. I finally have the Lady Talis in my life, and that is a game changer. It gives me a mooring that did not exist prior to our meeting. Sad that it took me so long to find the main thing I needed to get off the cycle.

Yet, I am still on the cycle. Clear talks about a lot of reasons why that could be happening. Foremost among those is this idea of habit and how environment shapes habit. It is a simple matter of reinforcement. What habits am I reinforcing by how and where I place things in my spaces? To borrow his example, if I want to do five burpees in the morning before I brush my teeth, I should have a post it note to remind me of that right on the bathroom mirror.

While I am not one to slap post-it’s on a mirror, the core idea of what he is saying does make sense. I need to condition my space to reinforce the habits I want, and to dissuade the habits I don’t want. So, if I want to work in my office in spite of the oppressive heat, I need a good fan. If I want to avoid youtube, I need to put my headphones away so that going to the ‘tube means getting up and actively making the choice to retrieve the headphones. There are several other space-based changes that could be effective, such as what books remain at eye level, so when I turn my head seeking inspiration, there they are.

This is a start. I need more to get right. I’m not mad at the baby steps.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Poland is now among the world’s 20 largest economies. How it happened” Who knew?! Seriously, I grew up pre-2k and the thought of Poland being a top 20 in the world economy is bonkers. A lot of people thought they’d be absorbed by other eastern block countries. Didn’t go that way at all. So, Poland, eh? What’s retirement like out there?

I’m doing this on my phone again, because I dedicated my day to not doing computer stuff and now I’m realizing I didn’t blog (read: computer stuff). This is a departure but one that happens on the cusp of change. I’m going into break, I’m starting a new class, I’m sitting down for a new writing cycle. All of these things are happening and I find myself moving towards it—heck I’m even starting a new (old) game in Mass Effect.

I am on the cusp of doing different things and it makes me feel good to see change and growth within myself. I need it and have needed it for a while now. Is this change good? Sustainable? Only time will tell.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Reaeaecheds upload fruit fly brain” can’t get the hyperlink in on the phone but this one is wild.
   
2. working on the phone is not for me. Not for my eyes. Not for my attle. I’m not going to make this a habit.

Nothing Changed.

I didn’t expect it to. Well, something changed–our plants sprouted like weeds. Crazy how much development you can miss in only a few days. Good thing we got home when we did because they needed to be fed and we didn’t explain to anyone that it needed to be done or how to do it. It is worth considering for trips of this length or longer. Leaving is constantly a process of explaining to the rest of the house how to take care of the house. It won’t be like that forever on a number of levels–expectation certainly being one of them.

One other thing changed… Me.

I’m in a better headspace about my work/home balance and how to manage that with a smile. I have long been the arbiter of my own fate and it is high time I retake control.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “WADA to weigh barring Trump, US officials from LA Olympics and possibly World Cup over unpaid dues” Imagine being told you can’t come to the game… in your own house!
2. Feels like reality is slipping a little bit this past day. Been having odd Mandela effect moments over some very small things. Not sure how to interpret it, other than to say it feels weird. Also weird is the number of websites discussing this type of thing. I can blame the fiction of the day, but I do not think that is the whole story…
3. Drove across the desert again today, and my body is done.

I’ve been thinking about time and where it goes when I am home. A lot of it goes to gaming. I spend hours playing Slay the Spire, though that is just the latest in a long line of such distractions designed to keep me from dealing with the hard part of my job. Here on the beach I know I can make better and healtheir use of my time, if I just allow for it. No organizer in the world is going to make me do it. This is a matter of willpower I don’t always have.

I do have a desire. What I need to get good at is harnessing that into action and finding the way to prioritze what is important in my life and my actions. Much in the same way I find ten minutes to write this thing, I can find 10 to exercise, ten to write a story, etc. It doesn’t take all the time in the world. It takes the will and the want to do it every single day as opposed to what I have been doing, which is absolutely not that. I languish and lounge and that can be healthy in doses, but it cannot be the source of everything. It cannot come first.

I will no longer blame the environment. That is what it is and I know it to be that way. How I respond is what matters.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Raucous bird tornado touches down as snow geese make annual flight to Arctic” That’s wild. And cute in a strange way…
2. Political, but also: “Man who attacked Michigan synagogue lost relatives in Israeli airstrike in Lebanon, official says” This is being treated as a terror attack, but is it? This is largely another example of the oversized media attention towards antisemetic attacks. The “largest” such attack in US history suffered 11 dead. Meanwhile, speak to any other religious, sexual, or minority group to be targeted. The Tulsa attack left nearly 300 black folk dead. Orlando Nightclub attack targeting LGBTQ left 49 dead. Mountain Meadows? 120 Mormons slain. Need more recent that the 1800s for religion? Sutherland Springs. 2017. 26 Baptists dead. Yet, what we hear is that Synagogues need to hire security and shoot first. This is just not accurate. What is true, and what is always true is recency bias and an undercurrent of understanding that what Israel is doing is going to find Americans angry and vengeful.

My legs are sore. I didn’t sleep well. I’m happy as hell.

This trip to the beach is the best I’ve had in ages. The weather is wonderful, and the ocean is very far from shore–much more so than normal, leading me to wade through the waves at the shore and enjoy the water a lot more than I have in the past. I’ve largely detached from the world back home and sunken into the culture and lifestyle here. I haven’t managed to get work done at all, but that is still to come. One of the things I need to get done is switching grad school classes. I ended up in a FLX class, which is not a format that I can work with. Basically, it works like a synchronous online class… in a different timezone… on a day I simply cannot regularly be there. So, that is a hot mess. The classes start next week and I need to figure it out before then. Cannot be behind on this stuff.

That is a problem for tomorrow’s Talislegger, as is the work that needs doing. I’m beaching it today.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Live Nation employee mocks customers as ‘so stupid’ in internal messages released in court case” Who’s stupid now, Bob?! Seriously, how does it make one stupid when the only option to get tickets is through these mediums and they drive the prices all the way up? Once again, Japan wins culture. They’ve beaten Ticketmaster out of the market with groups like eplus who offer legit prices.
2. Struggling with blurry vision, but that is likely due to spending too much time on my phone. Still, an eye doctor is in order. I missed the free opportunity at school.

I’m Back, Baby.

Love me some shoreline! We made it across the country (well a little ways–from AZ, really) to the shoreline and I could not be happier or more satisfied that I get the opportunity to be here once again with the Lady Talis. We are made for this kind of travel, and I don’t take it lightly that we have the proximity and opportunity to drive this far and make this happen.

Officially starting my Spring Break, and I will have a more cohesive main post tomorrow, but for now here are…

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Officer having ‘anxiety attack’ took ambulance sent for man dying from police shooting, report says” No comment.
2. Maxx Crosby trade canceled. That is some wild stuff right there. So now the Raiders spent all the money they had available to pay him and are in a terrible position trying to trade him after the failed physical. To quote a NFL.com article, “Well, this is awkward.” I call it a hot mess.
3. The youngest did his combine thing with Under Armor and had great results. He posted a combine score of 85, but I have no idea what that means. His measurables were fantastic and he earned some phone calls from coaches. Let’s see these evolve into offers!

It occurs to me that I am a terrible promoter of my own work. My new novel is presently sitting at #261 in Kindle Cyberpunk Sci-Fi and #310 in Cyberpunk Sci-fi overall. I don’t have a clue how to push the conversation up to top 100, let alone top 50. Of course, most of the tops are LitRPG books, so maybe I ought to throw one of those together and build off the name recognition in order to tell more stories (and make a proper living of this thing). I have plans for stories, but no plans on how to get them out there to the world. This is the problem with being bad at promotion.

This is the larger problem with being a writer without a stable and powerful publishing machine. If you have the levers of power at your disposal, your work is going to move–at least at first. Power could be a devoted fanbase of readers. That alone is what powered Shirtaloon and his He who Fights Monsters series to stay top 10 for, well, ever. Unfortunately, I never tried writing a story like that. I want to. Maybe that is the next one in line after Justice Engine.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Logan Paul’s Pikachu Illustrator Pokémon card sells for record $16.5M at auction” The really bonkers part: It’s a profit of nearly 11 million! The kid who won it is the son of White House Communications Director, Anthony Scaramucci… So, how did that dude come up on nearly 12 million to give his kid to spend on a pokemon card?!
2. Let me be in on the rip for like one week. All I need to do is clear half a million and my life problems have ended.

I started this thinking I had something to say, but realized all I really had was…

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Fox News apologizes for showing old video of a hatless Donald Trump at a dignified transfer ceremony” Because they thought he would look better if he wasn’t wearing a hat… Two things. 1) The fact they tried to spin this as an error by a staffer who ” inadvertently pulled” the wrong footage from 2025 despite the fact that this transfer happened very recently. 2) More importantly, why is this dude wearing a ball cap all the damn time? Is it a hair issue? Or is it in-group coding? Regardless, it is demeaning to the office, just like all of the people he’s hired and who’ve gone on to act like bullies and spoiled rich kids.
2. So, I am still working through this blood pressure thing. 138/98 at first read, which is rather high at first glance. It should be higher than normal upon rise but should settle out soon after. I am more concerned about the 98 than the 138. I have yet to get my diastolic regularly under 80, even with the addition of medication and the subtraction of salt. Still, to have that morning surge in a range that is somewhat manageable is a step forward. I still don’t know for sure what made it spiral to the near hypertensive crisis level. It is something I am struggling to understand.
3. Football’s free agent season is upon us. Major changes coming to some teams. The Chiefs are signing K9, setting up a showdown in the next super bowl between the mercurial RB and his former team, the Seahawks. Jets got themselves a cornerstone safety in Minkah Fitzpatrick. Now if they add Downs to the mix there, we are talking about a serious secondary upgrade.
4. No, the Giants didn’t do anything useful.