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Spending a little time in California and I am pleased.

That is it–blog over.

No, seriously, that is the start of things. I am happy and I am looking forward to the chance to really sit down and write. I am also extremely exhausted from the transfer from AZ to CA. There is a lot of fatigue dragging down the words. I am typing extremely slowly and with errors, which can be a sign of being over worked or be a sign of being on the verge of collapsing.

So, tomorrow will be another day and an important one for my partner. We will be celebrating.

Some Thoughts:

1. I’m way too wiped to put together anything resembling coherent thought.
2. Blog fail…

Two drafts this weekend and a 3rd team already drafted before I joined this other league. That 3rd team is a bit of a mess with a lot riding on Kamara who may or may not be a Saint by the start of the season. I don’t go for the uncertainty. I like a clear and present sense of WTF is going to happen. Covid limits that but there are certain undeniable truths.

Truth 1:

Barkley will be the top fantasy back barring injury. Nick Chubb will rank in the top five. McCaffery? Yeah he’s going to do very well, but I don’t see the team riding him to the extent they did last season. Given the choice I would draft Barkley first and go for a surefire QB pick second and follow that with another RB and then receivers. Yeah, I know this is PPR, but I think the backs are going to get yards and the WR choices are, generally speaking, deeper.

Truth 2:

Brady is going to be successful. He has too many weapons not to have a sick sick season. I am going to start that man. He has a chip on his shoulder again and several dangerous targets to choose from.

Truth 3:

There is no sure fire defense. There are perhaps 3 you can ride all season and get decent points, but the way to go is week to week. Save your draft capital for other positions including kicker. A good kicker is valuable especially early in the season where these teams have no practice against opponents and points may come fast a freely.

Truth 4:

I’m not taking the L in all three leagues. I’m going to win at least one…

Well, I am in my new writing space. I am happy with the space as it currently exists, but I am entirely open to change and advancement based on what is going to make me more productive. As is, I think the space lends itself to creativity. We have colorful walls and three bookshelves (plus) worth of inspiration. We have an acidwash floor that just screams creativity and good lighting at the desks themselves.

Speaking of desks, we are at opposite ends of the room, giving each of us enough space to work and be productive, but allowing the ease of spinning around and having a conversation. At one point we considered putting a bookshelf between us as a room divider, but it felt pointless. What is the value of sharing a space if your first recourse is to hide yourself behind a bookcase? For me the only value in the bookcase idea was to be able to have a great zoom background where I sit at the nexus of books. That is not going to be ‘the way’ and I am going to be okay with that.

I needed this. I need a space that I feel is my own and I am comfortable with. I share it with her, but I have my own side and my own desk and my own setup that mirrors hers but is absolutely different–an alternate world reflection as if drawn from the early Superman comics. The entire setup brings a smile to my face that touches my ears, and we aren’t even done with it yet. We intend to add a couch to make the space feel cozy.

I’m happy, and that matters.

Today was a tough work day. I was swamped with a number of work details that needed ironing out and I failed entirely to access my creativity. I did not write. I still have not written anything of creative value in several days. Time and again there just is not time to do the things I want to do, and that is because of how things transpire on a day to day basis. Today it was kids and the drama commonly associated with co-parenting along with birthday planning.

Here is the thing: When one parent feels like the balance of responsibility is shifting then they fight that shift. I am dealing with that in the most mundane of ways–Paperwork. I don’t mind doing paperwork, however I cannot do the paperwork needed for this, and that should be enough for the ex to take the weight. As with everything it ends up being about more than that. It ends up being about that shift of responsibility and the kids suffer as a result.

I am going to need to let them deal with it on their own. I do a lot. I cannot continue being the one who carries all the weight.

Long have I felt that the days and nights of Covid are an opportunity to fall back into family and fall back into the comfort of love and life with a different twist on it. I have expanded my family over the years and I am learning how to adjust to new expectations and ways of doing things. For the most part I am happy. There are some real dark moments, but that is part of every relationship, I suppose. The fact is there is enough light to chase away the darkness and that is all anyone can ever truly ask for.

Some Thoughts:

1. Fantasy football ought to be interesting this year. At least it ought to be fun.
2. Youth football should also be interesting. With next year being the last year we have some growing to do yet. Afterwards it is all about HS prep and finding out how to go it without dad at your hip.
3. I’m looking forward to being in the new office tomorrow. It is going to be the first day where most of the pieces are in place. I’m looking forward to getting back to work and moving forward.
4. I am starting to get into the flow of this semester. Not bad with it being week 2 as of monday.
5. Not much else to be said here. Just one of those nights.
6. Well there is that small bit about the 6th Dragon Ball quest being near the end. One more challenge (in 5 parts!) one more clue. Then we are off for a year. The 7th is a big deal (18th bday, and there are 7 dragon balls…) so we have to step up our game in a major way.

I am getting back into work mode. This is a huge deal for me, because I need to be in that mode very badly at this point. I am not using my creative energies the way I ought to and I am feeling more and more like a corporate drone pushing contracts around the table in hopes of getting enough money for… what? Exactly.

I want to travel. I want to have time with my love. I want to be happy. I don’t want to feel like I wake up everyday to do pointless work. I want to make a difference in someone’s life in a meaningful and positive way.

Some of this is about perspective and changing the way I look at the work life. It is also a matter of ritual. I need to develop a steady ritual that reflects health and happiness and the life I want to lead.

I am not where (or who) I want to be, and that troubles me. I feel as though the opportunities to be better are before me if I allow myself to grab them.

Some Thoughts:

1. We are legit moving towards a hyper polarization based on race. This is not going to end well.
2. Make America Great Again really does sound like a redeemer dog whistle when you listen for it.
3. Antifa isn’t as big as Fox wants you to think.

Terrible day.

Chadwick Boseman passed away and with him a forming legacy of black superhero stardom. My mid kid asked me, “Why are all the black people dying?!” and I had no answer. It is hard to be in this moment and see the possibilities of what could come of this moment and also see that nothing is coming of the moment. Instead we are dealing with the second redemption (or perhaps the 3rd) and what that means is that there is a ton of fear and there are actions creating this terrible backlash.

More and more white men are carrying guns openly and brandishing said weapons and most recently, using them in what they call defense of the police. The Rittenhouse murders are a prime example of this. This teenager drove down to a protest gun in hand and looking for trouble. He found it and killed two and injured a third, He will likely claim self defense and, in this climate, he will likely be elevated to an OJ like status and that scares me. Fox News is already defending him.

Fundraisers are popping up to defend him and the Fightback defense fund is already leading the defense. See, this is a redemption. This is what always happens with us here in America when we are not the dominant race/culture and are backstopped by a history of neglect and abuse being whitewashed as servitude and American ingenuity.

This is a terrible time and Election or no, it is not getting better.

I think it is time for me to shave.

while this feels like a small acknowledgement it is actually much larger. The lack of shaving is reflective of living in a world where I am not seen. However, I still need to be representative for those around me. I am stopping short of putting on nice clothes every day, but to take care of my face is the least I could do in order to create a semblance of order and normality.

Our world is anything but normal. I was listening to The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and I was struck by how much President Zaphod reminded me of President Trump, including the idea of both being so ludicrous to not actually be believable, yet the people rallying behind the strange charisma each projects.

Trump lacks the intelligence of the literary figure, however he has all of the bullheadedness. What makes Trump powerful is not Trump himself, but the people who he is surrounded by who are willing to do or say whatever in support of him. He has fanatics and they come to him for a variety of reasons. That is going to make this man a dangerous opponent. Joe Biden does not have fanatics or even people who like him that much. He is going to need to show that he is putting incredible people in place around him in order to get elected and break this sad, stupid tyranny that is forcing our nation to implode.

We have teens taking up guns and murdering protestors and being defended for their actions on Foxnews. This nonsense needs to end as quickly as possible. The level of crazy our country is putting forward is making us seem dangerously stupid to other nations and the bold ones (Russia) are taking advantage.

Has anyone thought to ask what kind of president Trump will be when he isn’t running for anything–when there is no reelection or real legacy to consider? Will he even bother to do the job? These are the questions keeping me up at night.

The draft!

Here’s a curious fact about me: I don’t have friends. This is not the norm for me but it is becoming the norm for me, and I don’t know that I’ve adapted well to that. This is relevant because of fantasy football. Earlier this week my plumber and I got into a conversation about football and during that conversation he morphed from plumber to friend. He put me in his fantasy league, my 3rd such league, and we exchanged several text messages since.

So, I made a friend. All my friends are somehow connected to football. My family (my appointed brother, estranged not-sister, and the flesh and blood mom) constitutes the rest of my earthly connections beyond the folks that live in my house. In other words, this was a big deal. This also means that I have another league to think about and another opportunity for fantasy dominance.

So, let’s get on with that:

The new league is .5 PPR, which is different than the full point per reception of the other two leagues. Still, all three leagues are based on pass catching, meaning there is a premium on pass catching running backs, given the number of times they will touch the ball, and volume receivers like Landry. Here is my advice for players in PPR leagues. Look for the teams that don’t have a wealth of WR talent. You want them to rely on a guy and build everything else off the run. I watched teams feast on Titan WRs last year, because so much was geared towards the run. Meanwhile teams like the Cardinals who are loaded at the WR spot were stuck spreading it around and reducing PPR.

I have two drafts left (in the span of 2 days unless we change it), and I am targeting those kinds of players in the mid rounds. Next week I will reveal my top choices and my sleeper picks.

Some Thoughts:

1. In re-reading yesterdays brief and obviously underwhelming post I found myself struck by how much I dislike Captain Marvel. I think I know why: She lacks a flaw. Superman has Lois and Kryptonite. Batman has his desire to be a good guy vigilante and his inspiring need for family and love. Spiderman carries the guilt of Uncle Ben, the need to protect his family, and he’s a kid who is trying to figure stuff out (ultimate coming of age story, which is why grown ass Spiderman stories are junk). Wolverine is a man without access to all of his memories and thus a lost past and a troubled uncertain future. Captain Marvel is just a bad ass with no real connections to anything beyond her own badassness (and maybe Nick Fury).

So, the new look at Marvel is a world driven by heroines. That doesn’t shake me one way or the other. I care about the gender of the new crop about as much as I care about what beer each hero drinks. I care about which heroes are brought to the front and which are left to be ignored.

So, what do I want? I want Ironheart –The next iteration of Iron Man. I want more Spiderman. I want characters that are actually appealing as opposed to cheap and angry superman knockoffs.

Some Thoughts:

1. I want sleep.
2. I didn’t sleep well last night and the words are impacted by this.