Parenting

2.275. Deep(ish) Thoughts

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A writing contract came in today and it set me to thinking about all the ways this profession (calling?) I’ve chosen (followed?) has led me to where I am today. I was thinking first about the buildup of residue around the work that I do–a type of creative discharge like plaque on teeth. I was thinking how such a thing weighs down creativity and makes it harder to pass ideas through the brain-keyboard barrier. Then I was reflecting about how fortunate I am to be in a position where I have to think about and thus get to wax philosophical about the brain-keyboard barrier.

I could’ve been a garbage man.

I suspect I would have a higher tolerance to roaches in that case. I would not, however, have remained in this perpetual state of creative happiness. I might not always be pleased with what I am working on or how it turns out but I definitely am pleased to actually be writing and working and have both space and opportunity to create. I respect the art of writing and overlook my ability to share in that far more than I probably should. Not many people get to do what I do and even fewer are successful enough to turn it into a lifestyle. So where I go from here is to pour more energy and dedication into my craft, because it deserves it.

I deserve it.

1790. On Grades, Grading, and a new Schema

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Fact: Students don’t understand the way I grade. I hear it every semester. What I do is apparently abnormal. To make matters worse, I change what I do every semester. I allow my grading system to evolve organically, sometimes even throwing the whole thing out to build something new. I’m thinking about doing just that again. The problem as I see it is a near complete disconnect between myself and students on the role and value of grades.

The one thing students and I agree on is the final grade. What you get at the end of a semester is supposed to mean something. I think the shared understanding ends at that point. Often students suggest that the final grade should be a reflection of growth (largely stated by low performers who improve) or overall knowledge (stated by those who knew stuff coming in and or worked hard to master content). Grade as a measure of ability and or knowledge is a staple of the academic industry, but it is not a consistent measure or even defined in terms of what it is meant to define. What a final grade means to me is you came in and received one semester’s worth of learning. During that semester you hit (and often exceeded) a plateau. The grade, in that sense, is the opening of a gate that allows you to move on to the next gate, next level, next mini-boss on your way to conquering this game of education.

I’ve approached grading in a plethora of ways. The most common grading modality as of late is the base 10 method with each class being worth a certain number of points (usually a thousand) and each assignment being a fraction of that figure. Now this leads to students trying to ‘game the system’ working as hard as they can to get points in specific assignments to reach their grade. I layer a ‘gaming system’ on top of this that focuses on the group work and competitive academics. The games give points and those are tabulated at the end of the semester with the top team getting a 10% grade boost based on winning the game. This system confuses students mainly because they aren’t used to games being a part of a grade and because they are often terrified of group work. I get it, having my grade in the hands of someone I’ve known for only 16 weeks is crappy, but the fact remains that collaborative success or failure is a part of the world economic system. Of course, teaching (primarily) teens means that individuality is bursting from their DNA.

Rarely I apply Peter Elbow’s grading contract philosophy. Its a ‘gamed up’ and ‘talised’ version of the thing, but the general idea is that you have a contract to complete specified tasks. If such work is completed it results in the grade you asked for. It also allows for you to ‘outplay’ your contract and for teams (groups) to hold your contract rights. This is also complicated on the surface but is modeled after the NFL-CBA, which a majority of my students (the dudes at least) seem to have a basic understanding of.

I don’t know what is going to happen in the next semester, but I’m still gestating ideas for a new plan. I need to come to a common ground and understanding with students so the focus is on what is learned and not what grade they get.

 

Maybe that is just a pipe dream.

 

Some Thoughts:

  1. 1790 was the year England introduced Chrysanthemums to China. It sounds minor on the surface but it was the first of many invasive re-plantings that would have never occurred in a non-globalized society…

1708. Reflections on a Thursday Morning

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These last few weeks have offered me an amazing opportunity for self reflection. I had an opportunity to reflect on myself as a writer, father, and husband, allowing myself space to consider what needs to be done in order to be successful and grow in all phases of my life. The truth is that it comes down to the individual. A person either has it in them to be successful or they don’t. The ‘don’ts’ litter the planet, comprising the bulk of us–unmotivated drones moving through our lives with the motivation to just be happy enough or not to make too many waves or do anything that might put us and thus our skills and attributes in anyone’s spotlight. Others aim to be successful within their own lives and excel at something, be it as a mother, a friend, as scrapbooker, a fantastic employee, etc. I don’t think it matters what drives you so long as you remain driven and allow yourself to create the conditions that stoke that drive–that fire.

In other words, my idea of a fabulous life and a fabulous person is someone who doesn’t get in their own way. In retrospect, I haven’t been that guy in a very long time. I often let doubt and lack of motivation or laziness slither through me, backing me slowly away from the daily life I hope to lead. At one point it got so bad that I was no longer sire what kind of life I wanted, and became convinced that where I’d gotten to this point was enough–not just for now but forever–and I didn’t need to effort to get any further in my personal, emotional, and even professional development.

I’m learning to step away from that ledge. I’m learning to accept that once you accept that ‘this is it’ then the body and mind begin to wither and the heart and soul, once strong and full of lust and pride, shrivels and accepts even the smallest show of courage, or affection, or satisfaction as enough to get you through the day. A long time ago someone asked me, ‘what is enough for you?’ A year ago I would’ve said ‘A good TV show and a bag of chips’. That isn’t enough anymore. I’m reminding myself to want need more to get me through the day. I’m reminding myself each morning, afternoon, and night that we create the circumstances of our own happiness and perfection and that each of us has the fortitude within us to be more.

1291. Of Beyblades and Pocket Monsters

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I wound up with a 4 yr old in my bed this morning. He found his way there sometime after 5  AM, after my wife left for work. The others were still asleep. They woke after six to do their morning work and then wander downstairs for some Beyblade play. Once the first Bey spun into the stadium the kids knew they needed to find me. See, we connect with Beyblade and the other distractions that help them remain young. When I was a kid fun meant going outside on my bike or diagramming make-believe wars with a handful of lightbulb-melted G.I.Joe’s and a Hulk Hogan doll, or maybe lining up a dozen Topps cards in the positions of a baseball diamond and teeing off a wadded up ball of tissue.

Yeah, I was a lonely kid.

My children have a dramatically different existence. They battle zombies and beg for turns on Halo and Call of Duty. They navigate laptops, cell phones, kindles, and ipads with the familiarity of an engineer. When money hits their hands they run out to the store and buy a pack of Pokemon cards, not to play pretend baseball with, but to trade with other classmates and to lord over their brothers with the awesomeness of their pokemon decks. Sometimes we even play pokemon together, just as we play Beyblade together and I can, for those moments, be a kid again myself and languish and love everything about the genuine friendship and camaraderie formed in childhood.

Being a dad can be like being a kid for me. I want to climb down into their imaginations and understand how different their childhood is from my own while I enjoy observing that childhood and trying to be a part of it in any way I can.

1213. Engaging Spaces

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Let me start by acknowledging the frivolousness of this post. I am not complaining so much as consulting the web on an annoyance. see, I am blessed with a large living space. According to the paperwork my home is 4100 sq ft of interior space ( and like 7 sq ft of exterior, but that is another post). Having so much living space is what my wife refers to as a ‘first world problem’ but it is a problem nonetheless. I don’t believe in waste and we waste a great deal of this space by practically avoiding in on a daily basis. There are only a handful of areas in the house where the family actually spends time. We congregate in the downstairs family area and the kids haunt my office and the occasional closet. Outside of that, the rooms get little use. I’ve tried to create spaces that invite them to use the house, but it doesn’t work. So the problem is: how do you make the unused spaces more engaging?

When we moved into the house the first thing I did was divide the front room into a library and a sitting room. I expected those two spaces to get a lot of use, because three out of five of us are big readers. We use the space solely to collect reading material and then go elsewhere. Even the cat abandoned the library, preferring to stare out of the yard window in search of potential prey.

Beside the library is the sitting room, a quiet place to congregate, relax, and read. The eldest uses it for his daily school-mandated reading hour, which is the only use it gets. The lighting is good and there is seating here for 5 people spread across two couches. Still, only one person enjoys the space.

My office is a nightmare in progress. Files lay strewn haphazardly across the floor flanked by beyblades and the discarded body parts of Lego heroes. Torn paper and forgotten origami completes the picture of what was meant to be my fortress of solitude. I’d rather have the space to myself but invasion and destruction is a weekly occurrence.

When they aren’t destroying my personal space, they’re in the family room/living room where the big TV and the Xbox reside across from a couch that can seat about 9. This room is linked to the kitchen for easy food access and to the small open dining area, which we use when we pretend civility.

The loft and the bedrooms are upstairs. I recently converted one of the bedrooms into a study room and offered additional ‘allowance’ for those who used the space for homework and reading. No go. The space sits empty and wasted. The loft is home to the wii U and the homemade treehouse in which their gaming computer resides. A drum set in the far corner of the room completes the space. The only time this room sees action is when video games are being played. Given their predilection for all things x-box, this room sees the least amount of action.

So, there’s the problem. All of this amazing space wasted on a family that seems to want to be on top of each other most of the time. I’ve heard of worse problems, but this is the one I am supposed to solve.

1045. How to Be a Disappointment to Your Kids pt. 1

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You ought to start by yelling at them. That’s where I began. I noticed it from time to time, noticed the voice rising and the anger filling my lungs. It became clear when my eldest turned to his siblings and said, “Come on guys, lets play upstairs because Daddy is angry with us.” My heart broke. I was caught between feeling like crap and struggling to find the words to explain what they’d done to make me so angry. They didn’t understand, and they hardly ever do. To 3, 5, and 8 year old boys, their actions and world is about having fun. The behaviors that get them in trouble are normal things they’d do like running and fighting and kicking balls over walls. These are energetic things that could be properly directed if I was a good enough father to understand how, and more importantly when to do so. However, I don’t know these things, because I wasn’t shown them as a kid. I didn’t have a role model for positive parenting, so now I’m in yet another role that I don’t believe I have the goods to fill.

This isn’t a pity party on my birthday (though it is my birthday). I’m not crying over the key board wondering why my mother sucked so bad as a parent and why my step dad was taken from me way too early. The fact is I’ve probably romanticized my step dad way too much. I don’t remember him ever being the Justicar, but I do remember getting into a whole lot of trouble while he was alive. This post is more about recognizing the negative behaviors, so I can take the appropriate steps to change them. It is also about sharing my wrongdoings, so anyone who reads this can take a moment to think before they do the same stuff I do.

The worst thing I do is compound time.

I write a lot. I also have a terrible burden at my job and often come home so laden with the stresses of the day that all I want to do is kick my feet up and play a video game. There are days that I come home and the kids are the last thing on my mind. However, they are the first thing to greet me when I hit the doorstep. That does not jive. Even if it means finding a way to spend more hours at the office, when you are home with your kids they need to be the absolute center of your universe. If they are not, if there is something else you would rather be doing, they will know and they will challenge you to be there for them and not it. That battle is what grays the hair. You can’t win. Even if you manage to focus on the other thing you are losing, because you are fostering animosity within the household.  Kids know when you don’t want them around and it really really hurts them.

Today is my birthday. I had expectations of spending the day alone working. That is an insane plan that cannot work. I need to be here with my kids all day. I need to give them the time they need from me, and perhaps for a few hours I can get the time I need for me. This is the truth and difficulty of parenting. It is the scheduling nightmare that causes marriages to collapse. Everybody needs personal time, but both parents getting it is often impossible to do–especially if you can’t turn your working mind off and find yourself slaved to the cellphone or laptop trying to get one last moment in before the horde descends upon you.

999. Waiver Wednesday: Pre Super Bowl Edition

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I had an opportunity to take a backseat in the coaching arena today. I am an assistant coach in Baseball to a pretty awesome head coach who has all the patience and dedication in the world. It made me take a step back and evaluate the kids I coach on the eve of the Super Bowl.

I love football. I love the intricacy, the play calling, the speed of the game, and everything in-between. As is well documented here, I washed out at Iowa State, ending what I felt was a promising career at WR before it even got on track. Now I coach the little guys, hoping to build in them the dedication and grit that I myself lacked. It is not entirely working. The last practice was a joke. The kids were amped in all the wrong ways and I could not get them to understand how I put in the play calls. I sent them home with cheat sheets, which hopefully will work to my advantage this thursday.

We run a complex offense which is basically a 5 man version of the pistol complete with screens and draws. In order for that offense to be effective players need to be able to read a defense and know where the blitz is coming from and know where the to run when there is a hand off. Now, I started engaging them in that conversation this tuesday, but tomorrow has to be a serious practice. We need to learn how to avoid getting stopped at the line of scrimmage. That is what happens when the ends are allowed to cheat up and the RB doesn’t read the D. The plan is for the two guys in the backfield to be aware of how far out the receivers are split, and move them according to the needs of the play. The mighty mighty center is going to call out the Mike (blitzing linebacker in this league) and if there is no mike we are throwing that sucker every time.

All this has to get done within the confines of a 30 second playclock. So, yeah, we have a lot of work to do. When we get it done, it will be hard to stop. Perhaps as hard as stopping the Niner’s offense this sunday.

I don’t think we’re gonna be stopped in the 8-9 league. I do think the Ravens will handle their business in the Super Bowl.

941. Reflections on a Monday Afternoon

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Finals week is hell. The week before finals is a worse hell. Yet none of these things trouble me. It must be because I’ve learned to take the bite out of the month. A long time ago I was an angry college student. Angry because I spent the last two weeks of each semester studying like a madman to recall everything I’d been taught in detail over the past few months. It is a wonder that more students aren’t driven to weed.

Everything comes down to the final, which is sometimes one of two exams you get for the entire semester. This antiquated style of teaching was outmoded then, but struggles along to this day. In my day the school sprang for stress seminars, hallways massages, and study halls. All of these contrivances were for the benefit of the student and ignored the teachers who would be forced to grade (I won’t go so far as to call scantron grading) the work in an extremely limited time window.

I went a different route. We work hard in the beginning and taper off towards the end. By then the competencies have been long since satisfied and students can reflect on what they learned without the specter of grading hanging over their head. Yes they produce work, and yes it is graded, but the grade is not terribly significant in the long scheme of things. In some ways they cannot fail at the last few weeks. They can only fail if they quit in the tougher early goings. Isn’t that how writing is supposed to be?

 

Some Thoughts:

  1. It takes a parent to understand a politician. Recently I’ve been following the ‘Fiscal Cliff’ debate and watching one group of politicians conflate a whole lot of issues into one. Children do that. You take away someones toys and suddenly you are declaring war against a child’s ability to grow and learn and be spontaneous. No, you just removed a very specific toy that made a lot of noise. The fiscal cliff stuff is centered around one party’s desire to raise–in the sense of letting cuts expire–taxes on the wealthiest 2%. The other side is willing to do that provided the medicare and social security problems are fixed today. Lord knows that is going to take time to fix and furthermore, while both are entitlements that is all they have in common. Stop making it seem like all or nothing. There are better ways to negotiate.
  2. Jets won by dumping Sanchize to the bench. YES. At least something good came out of a historically bad pick weekend.