Day: October 3, 2012

I am not sure when the cycle began. Maybe it was the moment my son ran into my room screaming and calling out apologies. It might have been the moment before, when I heard the ceiling fan come apart in his room. The more I struggle to recall the starting point, the more glimpses of dismay slide into focus. There was the moment after My son’s music concert last night when the strap came loose from my $200 camera and it crashed to the ground. The flat tire signal coming on. The strange sounds the car made all throughout the evening and well into this new day. Then, of course, there is the matter of the missing wallet.

I cannot say when it went missing. The range of time spirals outward from school night at McDonalds, where I last used it. I noticed the missing wallet this morning and have since been frantically searching for it to no avail. As I write this post I am taking a break from cleaning my car. Any hope that it slipped out of my pocket and on to the car floor faded with the writing of these words.

I have never really lost a wallet, so I have a lot to learn about replacing all of the cards and information I stored there. I have experienced a spin cycle, or downward spiral, or black cloud–whatever name people use these days to express those moments of utter hopelessness where everything seems to turn out wrong. I am hoping some things turn out right, or at least I can find the start time, so I have a better sense of when this nightmare will end.

This sort of thing comes around once a year at least. The duration often depends on the intensity, and it is generally limited to electronics. Since this has nothing to do with electronics, I might be experiencing something else entirely; some new form of trial designed to test me in ways I would not have imagined.

Or maybe it is penance for giving that horrible TV show, Revolution, a second chance last night. The moment I hit record on the DVR I knew I was making a mistake. No matter the cause or outcome, the real battle is how I deal with this adversity as it happens.

So far, I think I am holding up okay.

The night came crashing down in the form of a ceiling fan blade still attached to its metal arm. A child followed screaming hysterically. Amidst the tears and pleas for forgiveness he managed to give this account:

He was snug in his loft bed when he realized that his clothes were still on. He did what any five year old child would do; he pulled off his shirt and shorts and tossed them to the ground. Only, the shorts never landed. He looked out towards the ceiling fan, which was no longer rotating but instead whirring angrily. There he found his shorts wedged between a blade and the base. He watched this curiously, wondering first how it happened and then what would happen next. There was a sound like metal tearing and the fan blade became unmoored from the fan. It fell to the ground with a loud thunk! The boy, now realizing the terrible thing he’d done, began to panic. He started to cry. He ran towards my room screaming, “It was an accident!”

I joined the story here. At first I thought he took a life given how panicked he was. Turns out he thought he took his own life, or that I would take it at the tail end of a glorious beating sure to find me incarcerated or worse. The thunk was the first I heard of the trouble. I followed him back to the room asking what happened. When I saw the fan his shrill cries for mercy leapt three octaves.

I did not beat the child with the fan blade as he suspected. The loss of the $100 fan made me sad, but seeing his condition was punishment enough for the atrocity. Of course, I let him know he was on probation. One slip up and punishment will reign. As for the fan, we don’t have a replacement. Their room is directly above the garage and hot enough that the fan was the only thing keeping them cool at night.

I’m still looking for ways to cool that space down.

 

 

Some Thoughts: