Day: January 15, 2013

A smoother way to day it would be, overextended.
I am certain that this is a flaw of giving people, a flaw of intelligent people, and a flaw of egotistical people. I am one or more of those types of people and I wholly possess the flaw of overextension. The thing is, I believe I can accomplish everything and anything I set my mind to. However, I take on so much that I often limp through these accomplishments and in that downgrade the opinion that others hold of me.

Here are the facts: I am teaching 7 classes this semester. I am also the Lead Faculty for developmental education. I am also the faculty liaison for the writing center. I am also coaching two flag football teams and assistant coaching a baseball team. I am working on a novel. I am working on some writing for a video game. I am working on some writing for a role playing game. All of these things in addition to being a father and a husband who needs to find time to exercise, sleep, and otherwise take care of himself. Obviously, I am overextended. The problem is I am unwilling to give up any of the wonderful work I do. My answer has always been scheduling, but the scheduling fails to account for me time, and when I become overwhelmed, I allow the me time to dominate everything and the other stuff gets neglected.

Where is the balance? It lives in a place just outside of my reach right now. It languishes in a book or a Ted talk, or a therapists couch, somewhere I have yet to access. On the other hand, I look at some of the incredible people of our world and what they do and ask myself this: if they can do it, why can’t I?

Then I double down and put more on the plate.

Yesterday I talked about a girl, and afterwards watched a bit of The Butterfly Effect. That sensation she has at the end of the movie, that is what I feel from time to time. Right now I am feeling busy. Tired too. This may be the first night I sleep before 2 am in months. But this blog is not about burnout. This is about juggling the many lives one is made to juggle. For me there are 4.

The first life is the one that begins at 6 am with tears and yawns and was for breakfast. It rises with the sun and carries through the early morning. This is the life of fatherhood, where you are dad and coach, and provider of playtime glee. Where your body is reshaped into a jungle gym and your ears swell with peals of laughter. I love the life of a parent despite how hard it can be. I love the second life as well, the life that is introduced in a 30 minute stretch of blacktop and ferried into existence on a soundtrack of audiobooks and NPR. This is the work life. It is satisfying and fun. There are pointless political games and emotionally dangerous students, but these pitfalls are part of the life’s landscape. When I come home there is the 1st life again and it gives way to a third life–the life of a husband.

We don’t have many of these precious moments any longer. Between study and kids we can hardly sit down for more than a TV show or desperate quickie. This is the neglected life in some aspects, and it is the one that is meant to sustain me through the other 3.

The fourth life begins as her day ends. This is the solitary life. This is the writing life, where I come to the page each time as a newbie, hoping to carve something useful out of the tide of human experience and emotion we are all so fortunate to be a part of. This is the soul’s playtime.

I always enjoy this part.