Month: April 2013

I learned long ago that a teacher’s passion is the one thing that can ignite students to action and engagement. Left to their own devices, students appear to be more disinterested in a subject if being pumped up for it. I don’t care about blame so much as cause and the cause in this respect is a k-12 system that invests in memorization more than it does in installing basic principles of learning and moreover, a joy of learning and solving difficult problems. In short, if you give students a problem that doesn’t directly relate to what they spend the majority of their lives doing, the students don’t give a damn. Unfortunately, what they spend the majority of their time doing is distracting themselves and engaging in ‘worker bee’ behaviors. So what can be done?

This is the question that drives my course creation process.

I had the pleasure of being in the presence of poets tonight. I witnessed and assisted a poetry slam filled with young, powerful artists who wanted nothing more than to fill the air with their voices and share their strength and their message with all of us. It was incredible. While not all of the poetry rang with the tone of perfection, the effort and the courage carried them through.

15 years ago I took my turn at slam. I wasn’t the best by far but that from of expression appealed to me in the moment. It takes a special individual to step outside of the armor of seclusion to bathe in individuality under the glow of a stage light. In my time these things were often done unprepared. You were in class or went to the mic and you spit philosophy true and rhyming. The topics came from torn slips of paper folded and buried in a stylish cap. We rapped and spoke and screamed and growled and brought life and energy to the words. This is the path; the steps in which these students followed. They brought their own words–some rehearsed, some raw–that created magic on the stage.

That magic makes be proud to do what I do.

Reaching the keyboard in a fit of exhaustion has become par for the course. I manage to strike out a few words betwixt a frozen brain and bouts of unconsciousness, but just not enough.

 

words.

I wonder about the selection process to be part of a live studio audience. Often the dress is so disparate that I am left to wonder if these are fledgling actors or merely hollywood locals who do this sort of thing for kicks. I’m writing this as I am taking a break from writing a story. There is a rush on the work, so I’m up near two AM trying to grind out the 20 page beast. I think my best writing happens after 9 AM, but that isn’t really an option at this point. We are still in the midst of a busy school year and I don’t have the time to write during normal hours. After school ends I plan to reevaluate a great many things, including priorities. The goal–the main goal–is to make a living as a writer. That means devoting a significant amount of time and mental energy to advancing my craft before all else. I want that for myself.

Another day, another lack of access to my own website. At some point I will find the time and energy to deal with it, but in the meanwhile, I will continue the work here. The work is the important thing; not the website, not the hits or links or any of that stuff. This started as a way to keep me motivated and writing every single day. It was meant to ensure that, even through the toughest times (like now) I would put ten minutes of my day towards the one thing that defines who I am. The site is important in the sense that it keeps me honest. The idea that there is one reader out there expecting me to post on a daily basis forces me to maintain the posts. For that reason alone I am sad and sorry that the website is not able to be updated at this time.

Maybe it is a good thing. The blog has been really depressing the last few weeks. I find myself in a state of exhaustion that threatens to hinder my normally jovial mood. Worse still, the kids are a hot mess and that means they need more time and attention than I am capable of. Where does that leave me time? It doesn’t. My friend set herself up for a massage this weekend and I think I ought to add that to my Friday schedule as well.

I definitely could use it.

I am starting to sense that this website situation might be a real problem. For days now I have been able to view the site but unable to access it. I will admit that very little mental energy was directed towards this cause, but I do recognize the need (now) to consider it. I am still extremely tired and mentally depleted. I want to sit by the pool and think.I want to chill. I want to forget about work and about school and about dressing nice. I want to go to the movies and enjoy something senseless for hours. I want to be apart from myself and my responsibilities.

I want a massage.

I want to know that this feeling inside of me can be abated by rest and the thoughts of utter burn out will fly the way of birds in winter. I have so many wants and there is so much that needs to happen. I know that I am capable of very hard work when moved to do so, but I feel like that hard work should be rewarded by a sufficient vegetative time period–which has failed to occur in recent months. Parents don’t get an off day, because kids don’t have an off switch.

I’m writing another one of tose half-asleep posts. I’ve been drifitng in and out of consciousness with long stops in beween. I eill do better tomorrow.

After a downright lazy 10 minutes yesterday, my blog was extremely hesitant to let me log in. Hours passed and I still couldn’t have another go at it. I suppose it could have been a tech error, but as a man searching for motivation I am liable to believe the system wanted me out. I’m writing this now in Evernote with hopes of being able to one day log into the system. Today’s post is a bit of a machaca–everything thrown in. My mind is all over the place with taxes due, a minecraft obsession, birthdays, kids soccer seasons, school, writing, marriage, etc. So much is happening that very little actually gets accomplished. A new though in my cluttered brain is the idea that Sandy Hook was a hoax. I don’t believe this at all, but the idea that so many people with so much time to think have still managed to cry conspiracy has me a bit concerned. Here is what I’m going to do about it: I’m going to make it a theme next year and we’ll talk about conspiracy theories in parallel with cults.

There is always much fun to be had with teaching.

Some thoughts:

1. Today’s John Jay and Rich show had a bust that was more ‘Catch a Predator’ than it was bust a cheater. Crazy possible pedo bear situation there.

I am drained beyond reason right now. This is what you get for not sleeping and trying to game, work, and write in that space between unconsciouness.

 

Out of gas

I’ve been away from the waiver wire from some time, but I feel like there is enough going on in the world of sports that the waiver is worthwhile. For starters, the Knicks don’t suck. Pair that with Jay-Z’s possible departure from the Nets, Tebow’s probable departure from the Jets and the continued sucking of the Mets and I can do an entire blog on NYC teams. That isn’t this evening’s plan. Instead I want to talk about LA and the Lakers being interesting again, not because they’re winning, but because they’re not.

The Lakers are in a battle for relevance. The ‘Clip have taken over as the top LA ball team and the Lake show is trying to make it to the second act (playoffs). I’ve been watching the games and watching Kobe come to life. He’s had his spark moment and i is a joy to behold. Bryant is one of the best players of all time and an unquestionable technician on the court. Unfortunately it feels like he’s lost a lot of his game to injury and age. Not this last month. He’s been playing like a smarter, smaller Lebron.