Day: April 17, 2013

I wonder about the selection process to be part of a live studio audience. Often the dress is so disparate that I am left to wonder if these are fledgling actors or merely hollywood locals who do this sort of thing for kicks. I’m writing this as I am taking a break from writing a story. There is a rush on the work, so I’m up near two AM trying to grind out the 20 page beast. I think my best writing happens after 9 AM, but that isn’t really an option at this point. We are still in the midst of a busy school year and I don’t have the time to write during normal hours. After school ends I plan to reevaluate a great many things, including priorities. The goal–the main goal–is to make a living as a writer. That means devoting a significant amount of time and mental energy to advancing my craft before all else. I want that for myself.

Another day, another lack of access to my own website. At some point I will find the time and energy to deal with it, but in the meanwhile, I will continue the work here. The work is the important thing; not the website, not the hits or links or any of that stuff. This started as a way to keep me motivated and writing every single day. It was meant to ensure that, even through the toughest times (like now) I would put ten minutes of my day towards the one thing that defines who I am. The site is important in the sense that it keeps me honest. The idea that there is one reader out there expecting me to post on a daily basis forces me to maintain the posts. For that reason alone I am sad and sorry that the website is not able to be updated at this time.

Maybe it is a good thing. The blog has been really depressing the last few weeks. I find myself in a state of exhaustion that threatens to hinder my normally jovial mood. Worse still, the kids are a hot mess and that means they need more time and attention than I am capable of. Where does that leave me time? It doesn’t. My friend set herself up for a massage this weekend and I think I ought to add that to my Friday schedule as well.

I definitely could use it.

I am starting to sense that this website situation might be a real problem. For days now I have been able to view the site but unable to access it. I will admit that very little mental energy was directed towards this cause, but I do recognize the need (now) to consider it. I am still extremely tired and mentally depleted. I want to sit by the pool and think.I want to chill. I want to forget about work and about school and about dressing nice. I want to go to the movies and enjoy something senseless for hours. I want to be apart from myself and my responsibilities.

I want a massage.

I want to know that this feeling inside of me can be abated by rest and the thoughts of utter burn out will fly the way of birds in winter. I have so many wants and there is so much that needs to happen. I know that I am capable of very hard work when moved to do so, but I feel like that hard work should be rewarded by a sufficient vegetative time period–which has failed to occur in recent months. Parents don’t get an off day, because kids don’t have an off switch.

I’m writing another one of tose half-asleep posts. I’ve been drifitng in and out of consciousness with long stops in beween. I eill do better tomorrow.

After a downright lazy 10 minutes yesterday, my blog was extremely hesitant to let me log in. Hours passed and I still couldn’t have another go at it. I suppose it could have been a tech error, but as a man searching for motivation I am liable to believe the system wanted me out. I’m writing this now in Evernote with hopes of being able to one day log into the system. Today’s post is a bit of a machaca–everything thrown in. My mind is all over the place with taxes due, a minecraft obsession, birthdays, kids soccer seasons, school, writing, marriage, etc. So much is happening that very little actually gets accomplished. A new though in my cluttered brain is the idea that Sandy Hook was a hoax. I don’t believe this at all, but the idea that so many people with so much time to think have still managed to cry conspiracy has me a bit concerned. Here is what I’m going to do about it: I’m going to make it a theme next year and we’ll talk about conspiracy theories in parallel with cults.

There is always much fun to be had with teaching.

Some thoughts:

1. Today’s John Jay and Rich show had a bust that was more ‘Catch a Predator’ than it was bust a cheater. Crazy possible pedo bear situation there.