Contact. Coffee. Write.
When I went dark for those few days I was truly in a dark place. I had, for the first time in memory, abandoned a writing project. I took on the project because I had a solid idea and felt the due date would motivate me to write. It didn’t. My will to write was sucked into the black void that was my relationship problems and after a while everything went dark. I cannot say that I’m back 100%. I will admit here on this blog that I was suffering from a terrible bout of depression, and I don’t believe I’ve fully emerged from that void.
Lately I start my day by reaching out to loved ones and making that human connection. The most important thing to me is the people I love most in this life. Once I make sure to connect with my love I feel grounded in something other than myself. This is important right now, because depression often means you are unaware of how negative you are towards yourself and of the people in your corner. In fact, the only reason I know I’m depressed still is because I found myself sitting at home most of Sunday watching bad Zac Snyder films and the Sharknado marathon. Yep, I sat through a chunk of Batman v. Superman and then went on to watch most of Sharknado 4 and part of 3 (why they’re playing in reverse order is beyond me. Sharknado makes no sense).
This is what depression looks like for me: A cluttered desk filled with unopened bags of supplies thoughtfully purchased in an effort to boost my awareness of what needs to be done and how it can be done. Meanwhile what needs to be done piles up on the desk amidst wrappers and old paper towels and loose change I haven’t the energy to deposit in the change cup. All of this happens in the near dark, because the light would reveal too much… okay that last part was pure melodrama, but the rest is accurate.
The real problem with depression is that knowing is only ‘half the battle’ (thanks, G.I. Joe, you’re a real American hero–I wonder why there has not been a stronger re-release in this war-driven economy… oh wait there was. We called it Transformers and snuck you in on the back end). The other half of the battle is figuring out how to fire through it and keep going until you’re clear.
Some Thoughts:
- Going to see The Dark Tower today. The books carry weight in my life. The movie… I’m going to go in without reservation.