It is tough to imagine a future–I mean a long term future–when you can’t even say where you will be living by this time next year. My partner has been dealing with this for a couple of years now and I’ve watched it wear on her, affecting her relationships and even her outlook on life. I have not been at it quite as long, but I do recognize when things in my life are out of my control and when other things are coming to an end. I’ll be moving over the summer to… somewhere else. It looks like I’ll still be renting by then, unless I can get both my credit and savings moving faster towards the direction they need to be in order to get me into a new home. Where that home will be is still largely a crapshoot. I know a prevailing need is to keep my kids in their school. The youngest two just transitioned to new schools. The big guy is headed to High School next year, so we still have a lot to figure out there.
One thing I am trying to do for myself is to stay on top of things. This is especially true of school, because that job responsibility is often the biggest part of my day. I finally created an ideal schedule that allows me to do that, but the rest is up to me. See, in my mind, if I can stay on top of an extremely hectic job like mine then I can make the rest work.
I know the connection there is limited at best, but we are talking about how I think. I think that little victories add up to big ones and build the confidence to make the impossible possible. Right now, if I am willing to be honest with myself, maintaining my lifestyle seems impossible. Juggling my responsibilities seems impossible. Living a better life seems impossible. Holding on to my partner seems impossible. Staying on top of the school stuff seems possible. If I can just do that, then maybe I can start to believe in the rest.