Day: May 6, 2019

Yesterday I found myself staring at a wall sized add of a plus size model during my first trip to a mall in years. I took my partner and two of our kids–the oldest boy and the youngest (Not to be confused with my eldest–different kid). During this occasion I noticed that while quite attractive, the photo of this model prominently featured her back fat. Indeed I was caught staring and thinking, ‘Why focus on the least attractive (to me) portion of her?’ While there are a bevy of reasons why ‘they’ would have made this choice, I was caught staring. Caught by the youngest kid who noticed me and said, “That’s a little too thicc.” He is 9 going on 10. I did not correct him.

This was a fail. Call it a Father Fail. I have many.

Still, it got me thinking about the way we view beauty in our American society. While we are clearly in a transition towards a greater acceptance of full bodied and less than flawless women (see the aforementioned plus ad–a more clothed version of below) we are still measuring women by looks first.

But not men.

Men are measured by wealth and power. Our looks are secondary measurements, more germane to how we can be used for a good time than how relevant we are as actual partners. As I was preparing to write this blog I saw this link at the bottom of my CNN news page. This is why CNN sucks. This and more, but this specifically (under paid content) expresses all that is leading to my kid saying what he said.

Facts are facts, and the fact remains that we as a society are extremely poor at defining women based on the content of their character. Sure, a model should be measured by her looks, but even then there ought to be multiple measures and room allowed for what is beautiful. While I should not be considered outright wrong for not liking back fat (I hate it on myself and aim to rid myself of it, so what is so bad about not wanting it on my sexual partner?), I should also not be the guy pointing out that my beauty standard should be the one publicly observed. I mean to be better than that. Moreover, I mean to teach my kids better. It is fine that this woman was not what my kid is into (so much as he should be into any woman’s look at his age… seriously too soon IMHO) however, it is not for him to speak badly of her. Or me to speak it myself.

Sunday, 6:20. I’m sitting here thinking about the week that is about to unfold. This is the last week I will be teaching for the rest of the month (not including workshops for writers). I’m geeked to be done with the semester. Every end feels like a new beginning. I feel like I can shake off the failures and build on the successes. In truth I moreso learn from the failures than anything else. I know what I do well and for better or worse I just let that stuff ride and focus on where things went badly. Maybe I need to adjust that mindset moving forward.

It is all about moving forward with me right now–always forward. For example, I am learning to come to grips with the way modern media exists and the strange ecology of social media. I strongly believe that as a writer I need to get better about understanding and incorporating these things into what I do in order to promote myself. More importantly, I recognize I need to promote myself. Which means I need to have something to promote. This summer is largely about that last part: Having something to promote.

That is to say I will be working on a novel for an RPG, a short story that is going to be expanded into a novel (major market sci fi), and fine tooling the content of my classes so I can once again feel like I am gaining something from the experience of teaching.

I’m also trying to figure out what I feel/think about being a coach. It is all kinds of joy in the moment, but all kinds of time on the brain. This summer will help me move forward in recognizing my roll in that endeavor. One thing I learned: hard to coach your own kids. They don’t want to listen to what I have to offer when it is not 1 on 1.

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