Month: October 2019

Can two things that seem to function in opposite directions co-exist? This is the only proper way to ask the question of how one can practice mindfulness while being an ardent multitasker. The wreckage of the last 30 years of my life suggests that the answer is a clearly defined ‘Hell no’

Let’s at first dispense with the comic ease of pointing out that I put clearly defined next to a phrase in quotes which, while it should not be used grammatically hardly ever, can be used to indicate a questionable level of clarity of the appointed word or phrase. So, yeah. I get it.

Now that the clowning is out of the way I can say this very clearly: I have failed at multi-tasking over the course of the last 30 years and I don’t feel like I can afford to try it for 30 more years and expect a modicum of success. I can be good at compartmentalization when I allow myself to be, but straight up two plus things at once is a losing strategy.

Mindfulness is important. Staying locked in on a goal or task allows you to put in maximum effort and energy and even see things in a different way than if your attention was split elsewhere. I’ve spent a great deal of my professional life with my attention split elsewhere. It is only when I’ve locked in on a single goal or task that I was able to experience success. My best writing comes when I sit at my desk (or on the floor) for a few hours dreaming around the story and the story world. I have to become immersed in order to recognize and reveal the minutiae that takes a story from meh to money.

Catchy wordplay aside, I know and have known for some time now that I am not good at multitasking. Lately I’ve been shifting back towards compartmentalizing my life. I am making an effort not to talk or think about youth sports outside of a 3 day period (it was a solid 5 when the middle school stuff was monday/wednesday). I’m rediscovering the lost switch to turn it on and off. I need that switch back, because I cannot do that and be a writer and be a teacher all at the same time. I wind up losing a chunk of the mental energy to pure confusion and as a result the rest of my life is severely impacted. It hurts relationships. it hurts my ability to parent.

Back to the drawing board then (cliche but effective). I’m writing up a schedule that allows me to be in the headspace I need to be in when I need to be there and learning how to install mental transitions that move me away from the things I ought not to be thinking about and queue them back when their time approaches.

Maybe I’ll write a book about it once I work it out.

Turns out the top teams in the youth league actually deserve to be there. My 10 and 12 yr old squads faced some of the top teams in the nation in the form of the Chandler Bears (10u) and the AZ Bandits (12u) and were pummeled. It was so bad that both teams claimed a moral victory over scoring at all. These kids we were playing against are squads that have been together for years in some cases and, at the least preparing since long before summer ended. Their goals are to be selected to go to Florida and compete for the national championship. The 10u will probably make it. The 12u has a tougher road. Meanwhile our hopes are more local in nature yet still suffered a serious blow to the confidence. This is really the source of my discontent. Once things got rough for my 10 yr old I watched him shit down. He continued to play, but he was not the same player.

This is not the first time I’ve watched my kid shut down after things got rough. I’ve seen in largely in football, but also in the home. It shows a lack of mental toughness can can only spell disaster for him in his own life. You gotta have some toughness to you, because not everyone is on your side and wants to see you succeed. Not every relationship is simple and goes the way you think it ought to. Neither of these things will go very well for the kid if he doesn’t get tough and fast. He often has to psyche himself up for these bigger stage competitions. If it were just a football thing I’d let it play out and let that life he’s living slip away into nothingness but it is not that way.

I was going to try for seven. There is something fantastic about the number seven that just resonates with me. Something universal. However, I knew I only had ten minutes on the clock, so I went for organization first. Two per minute was the idea, but I’ve burned a minute already…Which leads me into the first tip:

Plan Voraciously
Writers who wish to make a living at the craft will quickly find themselves working on multiple projects. These might be small things–writing copy for advertisers or proofing another writer’s work perhaps. Still these projects are the bread and butter of the industry and keep us fed and clothed. In order to do a bu ch of things at once with any level of efficiency you need to have a plan. You ought to print it. You ought to print multiple copies and keep them at every workstation, on the fridge, and anywhere else your eyes will rest for a considerable amount of time.

Write Voraciously
By now you are sensing a theme. Voraciousness is the writers only useful mode. You gotta write everyday. I don’t mean 10 minutes on a blog either. That ought to be warmup. The real work is the words after. Are you the writer who wants to write for an hour and hope the words come? Are you the writer who writes until they hit a specific word count? I try to be the word count guy. I’ve spent the last six months or more failing hard at it, but that failure and what I will learn from it is why I will succeed.

Fail Voraciously
Writers are not remembered for the number or rejections they get but for the successes. Nobody outside of the editing industry truly knows how many times you’ve been turned down. You know. You ought to have a list longer than your body of the number of times you’ve submitted work to places. If you are not putting yourself out there then you have zero chance of people reading your work. You have to submit in order to have a chance to be read. Yes, that means you’ll get a lot of rejections, but that is all part of getting tough.

Take Risks
Don’t let every story be expected try new angles, POVs, character actions. Do what you are afraid to do in writing until you are comfortable trying anything on paper.

Crap. Only made 4. Voracious fail.

I need to get back to this being a fiction blog. I need to get back to telling my partner stories. I’ve been talking about this healing and return to words for a very long time and it has been happening in fits and starts and, also, very slowly. At this point I’ve done an awful lot of complaining in comparison to actually moving forward, so maybe I ought to just get to it.

At present I am engaged in a number of teaching opportunities and haven’t sat down to really organize my time the way I want to. Part of writing well is being organized. That is clearly my weak point. I can be extremely organized for a little bit of time, which can be effective so long as I continue to stay organized on that week to week basis. I haven’t sustained that, but I am continuing the practice.

Truthfully this evening’s work was not to be about the shortcomings of me but about being proud and grateful of the opportunities put before me and my ability to capitalize on said opportunities. I am being blessed and I am learning how to meet these opportunities. I cannot be more grateful of the chances I have to write, teach, and work with incredible people. This is a boost to my happiness and existence. Life is good when I look around and actually see where things are at.

Giants about to get the W!

Seriously, I think the Cardinals are exactly what the squad needs in order to get back on pace to have a decent season and, Ka willing, make a run for the division. Given the recent struggles of the Cowboys, the Giants might have a real shot. So, lets get right to it.

KC over Den
One thing I have learned from being in two very differently scored leagues is that you need to find a consistent offense to rely on. At the very least you need a consistent scoring threat to avoid relying on catches or runs. With KC you don’t always know who is going to deliver the points, but you do know the points are coming. KC is going to score a lot in this one–they almost always do–and nothing about Denver says that they can keep up.

GB over OAK
NFL network lists Josh Jacobs as a clear start. No. Just no. I believe in that sturdy Packers Defense, and I am calling this one for the Pack.

SF over WASH
The Redskins might be a little better than the Dolphins. That is it.

DET over MIN
All I know about Kirk Cousins is that this guy doesn’t rise to the occasion nearly as much as he rises to the media nonsense and locker room material. He is fresh out of things to push him and he will fall flat against a very good Detroit squad.

HOU over IND
The Colts are legit. At the same time Houston is playing their best football right now. I think that gives them the momentum advantage and I think that carries the torch in a tight game.

JAX over CIN
These guys are reeling and I fully believe Cincinati will take advantage of the disarray, but I also think that this is the game Minshew puts the team on his back and makes it his. Sorry, Foles. That is literally the story of your career.

BUF over MIA
nuff said

LA over ATL
TEN over LAC

out of time…

Finishing a writing class makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something. It reminds me that the work I do does in fact touch lives. I really love teaching. I really love impacting lives. I deeply enjoy interacting with students and seeing their writing grow and become a thing worth publishing. I’ve seen that with the work in this class. Not everything is ready yet, but everything I’ve seen has the potential for publication.

I got some great feedback about how I advertised the class as well. Students did not realize that they would get feedback and found that to be a very valuable part of the class. Here I saw it as a given. I’ll be making note to mention that moving forward.

This could also be my last class at that location. I am going to be looking to take a position there as a educational program director and I feel like that excludes me from being able to teach there–which sucks, but it allows me to reach out and find other instructors who can reach these students.

I’m pleased with myself for still creating classes and trying to develop good writing in the midsts of being so swamped with the semester’s work.

Some Thoughts:

1. Speaking of swamped, I am starting to see the end of the rainbow here and that is a good thing. This semester is nearly over and I am grateful.

This may or may not post, which is common on these travelblogs. Don’t wanna pay for the internet, so can never get good internet. I’m taking an evening off to see parts of the state I normally don’t get to visit given the hectic nature of my schedule. I’m doing so knowing full well I need to return tomorrow in order to teach, and I am okay with that. It has me thinking about classes and in particular the last day of this ASU experience and last face to face with this room full of writers that I am lucky to get to teach. They’ve been good with me and good for me. It feels different to teach a room full of people who want to be there and want to get something valuable out of the experience. I am sad to see it end, though I expect I’ll have more opportunities to work with them in the future. I want to leave them with something worthwhile.

What I think that will be is a brief lesson on all the pitfalls and things not to do. I have plenty of ideas on that and I will build on them in tomorrow’s blog.

Some thoughts:

1. I pay close to 250 a month for 3 lines of cell service. I feel screwed by the entire process. I am moving quickly towards abandoning AT&T once I find a good deal to switch and get new phones… The only thing is will I still have to buy out the old ones? When I switched away from Verizon it cost a ton of money and the service still sucked.
2. I need to get away more. I need to escape and write more. I’d had the long term goal of turning my home(s) into an oasis so that I didn’t need to get away. I only needed to go home to get all the away I need. Hasn’t gotten there yet. Next life maybe.

Getting an early start 100 days into the 4th iteration. 100 days into the year I am filled with a number of interesting thoughts. Perhaps enough to shove into ten minutes. Perhaps more. So, here are…

Some Thoughts:

1. There is a real sense of irony in the fact that the people to scream ‘Witch Hunt!’ are likely the people who, had they lived in those times, been responsible for naming and hunting witches. To further the irony, the term has become synonymous with vilifying a person for something they have not done. That is, of course, accurate, but to see it used in this fashion now is both satisfying and silly.
2. Used to be that people laughed at stereotypes–especially in this country. We would see what folks expected us to be and entirely subvert said stereotype. Nowadays we are more likely to embrace the stereotype and use it as a rallying point. The stereotype hath become the symbol. Everyone appears to want to be a version of the symbol.
3. Heart condition has me thinking about how I manage my stress, but it also has me thinking about how I manage my time. I feel like I should continue letting my kids play sports and coaching at least the little one, in spite of the time it costs me for many months. On the other hand, I have been making this a year round thing with the coaching and the football. I am ready to pull back. No spring ball is needed. Between the rest of the stuff they do it might be time for these boys to turn inward and focus on more mental pursuits and other things that don’t yank me around the state.
4. I also think that part of that balance has a lot to do with travel. I need to do more of it. I need to find a way to get time to leave–just me and the lady–where I can enjoy time with her and find a little time for myself and the words.
5. Morning football as I blog. Games from London are practically a weekly thing now. They built a stadium there and everything. There is something to be learned from that kind of American expansionism.
6. That’s all I have time for. Yet there is always so much more to say…

I’ve been struggling to find the perfect mix of lecture and workshopping to settle up week three of my ASU writer’s workshop. After some time to think I realized that I did know what I wanted to do–I just needed a moment to let it simmer and me to realize that I had the answer within. Knowing that reminded me of another critical fact: Given the time to think through a problem, I usually come across some pretty good ideas and solutions.

No, this is not a ‘hold my beer‘ situation. Truthfully, given the time to really pause and think I believe I can be at my best. Unfortunately, I rarely have that sort of time. For the last few years my life has been a series of careening mishaps and events blurring into an ever present trainwreck mitigated solely by being in a constant state of romantic love. Seriously, when you are in love you tend to let the rest of the nonsense just wash away. Of course even the love stuff had its train wreck moments (see 2.0 and 3.0 respectively).

Now I find myself in a state of mental and physical disrepair and, in the moments of surfacing clarity, I can recognize how far I need to go to get back to a place where I am functioning at my best. I also recognize who I can be when I am at that best, and I really really like that guy…

Even when he asks me to hold his beer.

But the truth is, what I need is time and space. What I need is routine and moments of quiet introspection. With more of this I shall rise again.

Some Thoughts:

1. Undeniably my stress levels have been high and have not decreased even a little since realizing I have stage 2 Hypertension (bordering on critical emergency levels). In truth, the stress levels have elevated and continue to climb. I need to get that stuff under control.

I missed the Waiver Wire this week both in writing and in actually going after players. I didn’t really get to stream with my money league team, because I didn’t do the research. That is the thing about fantasy–you gotta do the research.

I would say the same for NFL teams who are realizing that they don’t have a sense of what is really going on with some of their players both personally and skill wise. Nobody knew quite how crazy AB was. Likewise nobody knew quite how good Mahomes or Jackson are. Adding to that, nobody seems to recognize how terrible Jets QB Sam Darnold actually is. That is why I am predicting a Jets loss. Specialized spleen protector or no, the man should not be playing and especially not against the Cowboys this week. It will not go well. Here are a few other sure things:

CAR over TB
Gonna be a shootout but it will end with the Panthers on top.

HOU over KC
I don’t know what is up with KC, but they seem to be on their heels. I think this week they take it on the chin.

AZ over ATL
The Cardinals need this win badly. They need to appear relevant in order to build on that relevancy moving forward.

SF over LA
The Battle for California could belong to SF this year. All the Cali teams are playing well, but the LA defense is playing far below their skill level.

Some Thoughts:

1. I really am ready for winter break. I am embarking on the hardest part of my semester in many ways and preparing for a future that promises more organization and much more work. I need that hard reset before I go into it.