I’ve been struggling to find the perfect mix of lecture and workshopping to settle up week three of my ASU writer’s workshop. After some time to think I realized that I did know what I wanted to do–I just needed a moment to let it simmer and me to realize that I had the answer within. Knowing that reminded me of another critical fact: Given the time to think through a problem, I usually come across some pretty good ideas and solutions.
No, this is not a ‘hold my beer‘ situation. Truthfully, given the time to really pause and think I believe I can be at my best. Unfortunately, I rarely have that sort of time. For the last few years my life has been a series of careening mishaps and events blurring into an ever present trainwreck mitigated solely by being in a constant state of romantic love. Seriously, when you are in love you tend to let the rest of the nonsense just wash away. Of course even the love stuff had its train wreck moments (see 2.0 and 3.0 respectively).
Now I find myself in a state of mental and physical disrepair and, in the moments of surfacing clarity, I can recognize how far I need to go to get back to a place where I am functioning at my best. I also recognize who I can be when I am at that best, and I really really like that guy…
Even when he asks me to hold his beer.
But the truth is, what I need is time and space. What I need is routine and moments of quiet introspection. With more of this I shall rise again.
Some Thoughts:
- Undeniably my stress levels have been high and have not decreased even a little since realizing I have stage 2 Hypertension (bordering on critical emergency levels). In truth, the stress levels have elevated and continue to climb. I need to get that stuff under control.