Two hours from my first tele-meeting of the day I find myself in a reflective mode. I am looking at myself. I am looking at the professional and the personal. I am looking at the failures and seeking out the bright moments of success. This is not coming from a place of sadness or anger, and that itself is an evolution. I am finally approaching these thoughts from the doorway of ‘what can be done’. So, accomplishment.
Beyond mindset I am deep in the struggle of creating (and curing) a healthy personal life. One tough thing about being a writer is that if you have deep personal stuff to write about it means you are or have gone through deep personal stuff. Let’s say that I haven’t ever stopped. My old stuff impacts my new stuff and all of it just rolls down the hill of bad things until I am overcome and can no longer function. I am still functional, and that is a plus. I can’t say the same for the people I care most about and watching that situation erode is absolutely terrifying. I realize that I am a huge part of the problem and have no way to quickly solve the problem in a space where it feels like some light at the end of the tunnel is needed less everything collapse into darkness.
Also, I am bad at vagueness.
I am good at writing once I hit that flow. There have been moments of that in the two new (NDA) projects I’m working on. What I can say is that I am writing two novellas scheduled to be completed by mid August. Both are on track. I’ve had moments of falling into both, and that is really good. It is a huge step up for me to be writing two of these projects at once and I am excited for the outcome. I also am writing them in a rough draft fashion, which means I am going to be able to make time at the end to polish and lord knows I rarely do that. Hopefully that turns out for the best.
In short, things are rough and there is a mess of darkness and change swirling, but in holding on to the promise of story, I am holding on to the light for myself.