Day: October 15, 2020

I’ll start with the youth stuff: My kid is on the shelf right now. We will see if he can go in a few days. He’s matched up against the #1 11u team in the state–the actual #1 and not our untested squad. They have the best rb in the state at that at 11 or 12 yrs old and it is firmly not my kid, even when healthy. He lost that killer instinct despite getting stronger and faster. I don’t understand how that works.

On to the the pros… Jets cut Bell… and added another nail into my fantasy coffin. Cowboys are also DOA following the Dak injury. They do not have a guy capable of making those kind of comebacks in Dalton. Here are some other upcoming situations…

NE over DEN (if it gets played)

TEN over HOU (see above)

PIT over CLE
I believe in the Browns. They got it together and got it rolling. However, PITs D is crazy good right now and will shut down the running game. They cannot rely on Mayfield. I do expect to see Beckham sling one to to Landry this week…

BAL over PHI

NYG over WAS
Finally, a win!

ATL over MIN
How do they have 1 win combined?

JAX over DET

IND over CIN

CAR over CHI
Foles is not the guy, folks. He is a relief pitcher.

MIA over NYJ
This is hard penance over a slew of bad management choices. I hope to see this team back on top in a decade (or sooner if they go get a legit qb). However, this week Fitz is going to shred.

GB over TB
I expect stupid big yards in this one.

BUF over KC
This is in Buffalo and it is that time of year… I don’t know that the Chiefs are 100% right now, but I know the Bills are coming.

AZ over DAL
Still reeling from the loss of Dak they will lose something else–their sense of control in the NFC east.

Some Thoughts:

1. Needed to change gears. Life stuff is rough. Football is a pretty reliable escape.
2. So is storytelling…

An evening in the woods is supposed to be an opportunity to escape from the doldrums of daily life and to reconnect with the beauty and majesty of nature. It can also be an opportunity to reconnect with yourself; to see yourself for who you are in this moment to slow down and stop and take account. I did that. I am not pleased with the man I found.

For much of the length of my marriage I supplemented. This is not to say I cheated on my ex wife, but instead I had inappropriate relationships of various types. I had work wives and weird friendships that fulfilled me in different ways. I had relationships, mostly with women, that made me feel like someone cared about me, that someone found me attractive, and that someone found value in what I had to say.

These relationships continued beyond my marriage, and when I found a single person who filled all of these important roles in my life it created real and lasting conflict. I did not immediately end these other relationships. Most of these were work friendships and ending them in any vocal way felt too difficult to approach. So I took the coward’s route. I just stopped talking to them. I let the tension of me having a partner fall on my partner. It was not fair of me. I should have just told these people that things needed to change in how we interact because I didn’t need that stuff–those roles–in my life. But I did not ever say that. I did not ever make any real effort to show my partner that she came first. As a result years of pain and suffering followed and continue to this day. The fact remains that I am and have always been a coward. I have always been afraid of those type of social confrontations and not knowing how to act. I’ve always been better off when things were left unsaid.

I am so disappointed in myself and the man I allowed myself to become. Roland Deschain would say, “I have forgotten the face of my father” and perhaps I have forgotten the face of the man I intended to be. I intend to approach the rest of my long days with more honesty and a foot towards a future where I can feel like my partner can trust me and trust that everyone knows that it is about her and only her.