Day: January 12, 2021

I’m going to blog before I touch my phone, or open any packages, or start in on the novel, or do anything remotely related to the so-called real world. I am doing so because it is helping me focus on the idea of reality and what reality actually is… and isn’t.

Recently a large mob of angry individuals stormed the capitol with the belief that they were being patriotic and upholding the American way of life. This was their reality. We–I–consider them crazies because their reality and their truth is fundamentally different from my own. They saw themselves as connected to the ‘larger’ in this fashion. They felt themselves to be, in a sense, a diaspora connected largely by this internet of ideas. They lived in two simultaneous realities and tried very hard to reconcile the two much in the same way that super hero might or, to be more down to earth, a soldier might, or a worker might. On the one hand they had their daily reality of waking up, doing the mundaneness that keeps the daily life afloat, perhaps spending time with those who they care about from a close (family and friends). Yet at the same time they were jacked into Parler and watching a series of increasingly aggressive news outlets and listening to and ultimately following the will of the President as we are all taught to do.

This dichotomy is important, because one necessarily influences the other. They invade each other’s space and impact our concept of right, wrong, good, bad, etc. For example, had I read the news before entering this digital space, I would be influenced by that space in terms of what I put down here, instead of coming to you directly from the created worlds of Tim Waggoner and Manny Coto.

My point is this: All reality is subjective. The fundamental truths we all share are that we live and we die. We must eat, sleep, etc. The rest is social construct, social strata, and the overwhelming manipulation of those who wish to have more. This could be more influence, more power, more intelligence, more love, etc. Our world is powered by dissatisfaction and dissatisfaction is what creates these subjective realities as we each strive to be satisfied by something in someway. Unofrtunately we all too often listen to the outside voices to learn what will satisfy ourselves. Those voices seek their own satisfaction and not our own. We must listen to oursleves.

We must find our own satisfaction.

Today was my first full day of principle writing on the new novel. I had half the day to myself and that gave me plenty of time to sink in and enjoy the process of writing. I do truly enjoy the writing process as well as the moments where I pop up from the page to do a touch of research that gets me to the next moment.

I am writing this one from an outline, but it is only the broadest of strokes of an outline. This first draft pass feels more like outlining than the outline did. Each of the six chapters I’ve done over the last few days have felt unfinished, but bright with moments. Even in the longer pieces that I write, like novels, it feels as though I am constructing a puzzle by putting together the pieces I already know I have and know where they go and then stepping back to examine the smaller pieces in order to see where they fit. I see the whole picture the entire time. I see it slowly coalesce, but I also see the smallest parts of the thing and remember how they could and should fit together. It is a time consuming process and when rushed it can be extremely painful. However, I truly enjoy the work I am doing. This is exactly what I want to be doing with my life.

I need to get better at carving out that kind of space for myself. When I am not alone–be it partner or kids around–I tend to become extremely passive about writing and actively engaged in waiting around to see what they want to do. This is not the way it can be if I hope to be successful and turn this into a career that can support me on the level of what I already do as a scholar. This is the sort of thing that takes time and practice. Up until now I’ve devoted little of each to the craft in the manner I should.

So, I call this a turning point–this day of writing. I feel like I let myself fall into the words and got some done. I feel like more and more is happening and I am moving through the story and building both the story and story world (though the latter is far weaker than one would assume given the shared world aspect) as I move through each page. I am getting better and I am getting faster as well. Sooner than later I’ll be able to churn these things out on a scale that rivals most professionals.

It will be nice to feel that people are waiting for my next book to drop and that they can be sure that it will drop on time.