Day: January 19, 2021

Like I don’t have enough to do, right? Now I have my mind set on developing fictional Madden draft classes a la Kebow’s draft. For the uninitiated, Kebow has created multiple (7?) draft classes for the Madden 21 Xbox version. Each of these classes is designed around the stories of college football teams and players and their rise to NFL stardom. He doesn’t do complete backstories but he does create a sense of character for college award winners and high draft picks with discussions that hint at their actual skills. It brings fun and context to the draft and makes the game a bit more nuanced and enjoyable. What I would ultimately like to do is to create a series of these and backbuild the stories of the players and the teams, showing the rise of particular teams/players as a conduit towards their NFL lives. I think there is a real interest in story in regards to games like this–enough so that I want to tell the stories.

But will I?

Like I said, I have enough on my plate. What I wish I could do is get paid for it. I wish Madden Franchise was developed enough to allow for freelancers to create reasonable draft classes and have story built into it. This is extremely easy to code using the existing in-game news platform which discusses signings and other happenings. Once again, it is about who you know vs. what, because if I could get just a tithe for the work then it would make it worth the time and effort needed for creation. Only, I don’t know anyone at Madden. So, we wait, we design, we prototype, and… we wait.

Some Thoughts:

1. Getting published in the Imaginary Papers this week. Excited.
2. What role do the people we surround ourselves with play in promoting a healthy and positive energy? If I am surrounded by negative energy and a blistering lack of ambition, will I just adopt that stance? Part of being in NYC was knowing that everyone was grinding and trying to get somewhere. Since I’ve settled into this life I’ve settled. Even the things I want out of life feel like I am not reaching anymore. I don’t know that anyone around me–especially not the young people–is reaching. What is there to reach for?
3. Perhaps I am getting closer to an understanding of my day to day depression…

Writing is a job. Like any job you must do it consistently and constantly in order to be effective. I struggle because at times my emotions impact my ability to put out good writing. There are days when I am extremely depressed and on those days the words are not my respite. I need to learn how to fight through that and write in spite of the pain. If I could do that I would be a more consistent writer and perhaps a better writer as well.

Clearly, I am still at the bottom of that dark well. It is 8:40 and I am in bed on a Monday night. Yet it is later now than it was when I first went to bed last night.

The other thing about writing is time. Time management but also time on task. In bed at 8:40 argues that not enough time is being spent on the task and moreover, my life is shrinking to something less than lovely. All in all it seems that 6 is off to a very bad start.

But enough about me. Back to the writing:

More and more as I grow old I believe the iterative process is useful. Perhaps it works better for me now because I tend to write stories in bits and pieces, writing through sections again and again the way a painter applies a new coat. The first layer of words does little to tell the story that the 3rd and fourth bring forward so well. I am still a great believer in the outline, but the more I write the more I recognize that the outline is simply me taping off the boundaries of what I think the story is, and as I write more I discover more and learn more about the characters and the concepts involved. I work to tie all of it together in a way that feels interconnected.

Good Writing makes me feel good about myself and the life I’ve chosen to live.

Some Thoughts:

1. Did not do chapters today and that means more work for tomorrow–the official first day of the spring semester.
2. Even in the event that I fall prey to depression I will get the words going.
3. I tried everything to shake loose of it today. I even started playing 2K, just to fall into that story. I hid myself away under a VR mask and played my first game. I liked it.