Day: May 14, 2021

Blithesome: with lightheartedness or unconcern : gay, merry

Slowly, a formula resolved in Enoch’s mind that suggested that he did not belong in this world. It was not as though he did not belong in any world. Perhaps there were, as one writer eloquently suggested, other worlds than these. Enoch had never seen these other worlds–these parallel incantations of his own expandingly bleak reality. His current relationship to the present suggested that if there were such places than that is in fact where he was meant to be, because here wasn’t it.

So, it was with that mentality that he began to move forward in his daily life. He was able to approach things with the curious aplomb of a man who did not care what happened to him or to those around him. It felt like life then were more of a show than his personal reality. It felt then as if this were a way station on route to his truer purpose.

So, when he saw the man struck by the car he watched the event unfold with true fascination. It played out in his head in slow motion. He felt, as he often did now, that he was meant to learn from these things and understand as an observer might. He did not know his true purpose therefore he did not realize the purpose of his understanding; only that he must.

It did not matter that the person in the car was his sibling. It did not matter in the least.

So, here is what my family life looks like:

I have a mother who was borderline abusive and I learned to dislike as I grew older. Far from a total demon, she did things that were beneficial to me. However, she did them in pursuit of her own ego and agenda. She made decisions for me, and is likely responsible for a great deal of my anger issues. Fast forward to my divorce and she found an ally in my ex wife. Better to say that she found someone who didn’t care that they were being manipulated so long as it ended with a payment.

More and more my mother has tried to intervene in my children’s lives and make decisions about those lives (whether or not they take driver’s ed, for example) entirely independent of me. She is making a serious effort to bring them across the country to see her completely independent of me, and has not spoken to me in nearly a year. In short, my mom is trying to ursurp my role as a parent. I will not stand for that.

It is the role of a grandparent to be supportive of the parent, not to try and create a power dynamic where she feels like she is the one in charge. She has never understood or cared to understand that and the more she reaches for power, the more likely I will make an effort for my kids to never see her again.

Some Thoughts:

1. Never blog angry… yeah I broke that rule.
2. I am angry about a lot of things from family all the way to politics. It is at times like these I want to tell everyone screw off and let them burn it all down and just leave.
3. But then what? I’m just another freak in a cabin in the woods with kids who grow to hate him? Full circle I suppose.