Day: September 23, 2022

History is supposed to be the great teacher. We are meant to learn from our trials and mistakes and those of the others who came before us. We stand on the backs of giants, so to speak. However, we often ignore history or relegate it to a ‘different time and condition’ preferring to think that our situation doesn’t have the same hallmarks of human nature that theirs did. Each time I speak with my son about football, I feel that. Without vocalizing it, his drop in effort and attitude shows me that he intends to quit this team–if he hasn’t done so already in his heart. On the eve of his homecoming game he is more concerned about not being the starter and thus reduced playing time than he is about the condition that got him there. He has decided that the coach likes another player better than him, despite his being ‘the better player’. Thus he feels like he isn’t getting a fair chance, however circumstances say that he is getting a fair chance and his attitude is what is dragging him to the bottom of the pack.

There are 4 cornerbacks on the varsity squad who will play. My son used to be #1. He’s fallen to #4 very quickly. He feels like 1 and 2 are coach favorites. That’s fine. ‘Why aren’t you 3?’ I ask, but he has no answer. I see the answer in his face. He isn’t putting in the effort that he claims he is. He is giving up on himself they way I gave up on myself who I was in college. So, maybe it is time I tell him that story. Maybe he calls me a old head and rails about how different it is. Maybe he realizes that the owness is on him, finally.

It is hard to be happy around unhappy people. This is made worse if you are in fact attached to those of such unhappiness. It is natural to both feel responsible for their sadness and responsible for relieving them of that sadness. This is all true if you are me, and I am surrounded by people who are not happy. It impacts me on a daily basis. I would argue that I am not the happiest person I can be under these circumstances. I would also argue that it harder to deal with my own crap when I am in this situation.

Rant over.

The truth is that we can only control so much in our lives. I’ve managed to submarine myself financially and part of this shared unhappiness is a result of that. It goes deeper, of course, but the part I think is important is recognizing that you are where you are and there has to be a opportunity to find and maintain happiness in that space until you can free yourself of it. Drowning in misery doesn’t help anything or anyone in your life. I, personally, am quite bad and desperate in times of misery. It morphs very quickly into anger (often of the righteous variety) and that helps no one as well. I’m learning how to be better and find the light.

Thich Nhat Hang says, “People deal too much with the negative, with what’s wrong. Why not try to see positive things, to just touch those things and make them bloom?” I aim to do that in my existence.