Day: October 23, 2022

Out in the woods with the family on the ranch and enjoying the trees and the weather and the stillness. While the place is a hotbed of animal activity, the human content is dialed down so low that I can hear the neighbors singing from acres away. I need this. I need the balance of the city bustle and crazy with the distance and (relative) stillness of the woods, which is as much of a part of me as the rest of it, despite growing up a hard core inner city boy. What works best about this is the connections we form with people–with family. It is a way to be honest and open and enjoy the habitat without major distractions.

Still trying to watch that game tho.

Some Thoughts:

1. It does me no good to be studying the internet for information about the patellar injury possibilities. We won’t know the reality until the MRI, and once we get that done we will be able to figure out next steps. The hardest part right now is acceptance.
2. I’m thinking this is the best place to write. When I talk about the balance of the words and the work, I find that this situation works best for me because I’ll be able to feel accomplished and work hard and feel like there is a space for me to go away from the sameness and crazy of the world to separate and write. The office should be that, but the people in our lives–our children–are not-so-tiny meme engines that push out that crap at a horrific rate and living in that stew makes it hard for me to focus. It took not being around it again to realize that. With us all under one roof, I’m noticing it more, and I am noticing how weak I am in terms of my distractions… I give in to them far too easily and quickly.
3. Happy here. Looking forward to the days ahead.

Last night I watched my son try to make a play on the football, stick his foot in the turf, and suddenly go down writhing in pain. It was a non-contact injury that, upon first look, appears to be related to the patellar tendon (often associated with Osgood-schlaters). I of course thought it was another kid with an ACL injury–because it runs in the family. Instead it may be patellar, or LCL, or something else. The swelling followed. As I stood beside him on the medical table I watched him trying to hold in the pain and the emotional pain of seeing his season crash to an end. He struggled this season, and now it feels like this moment may be the end for him entirely. He could (should) miss his track season if this is a tear or a break, which severely tests his chances to get an athletic scholarship to go along with the academic one his grades should afford him. This is life changing –at least in the short term but perhaps even longer depending how it all turns out.

So, now what?

We are in the wait and see mode. He gets the dreaded MRI next week, and from there we will get a diagnosis and move into the treatment phase. Who knows how long it will be until recovery.