Day: October 20, 2023

It occurs to me that Nanowrimo is beginning in less than two weeks, which means that next week is the last friday for a while that WONT be about fiction. I’m going to get into what that story is next week, because I am way too full of other concepts I must deal with in the now. I can tell you this: It won’t be Shadowrun and probably won’t be science fiction. I need to do/try a different concept for a while and really stretch my writing chops. Part of the 10 minute rule for me is to unload concepts and experience different types of writing. I could go with starting from an activity or roll up a story like last time. Who knows? Well, you will and so will I next Friday.

No, this week is about bringing certain projects to a close, clearing out my mindspace, and focusing on future goals. I’ve been so-so over the past weeks in terms of creating a manageable daily schedule with things to do and an expectation to do them. I get the basics locked in (classwork, one or more writing projects, blog) but the deeper list making and long term planning has thus far eluded me. After a while that future I look forward to is already here and I’m not prepared to face it the way I want or need to. I had that conversation about the future with my youngest in the car this morning. I told him that realistically, he’s 8 years away from being in a position of his dream of being an NFL player coming true. In short, he has but 8 years to make it happen and there are huge milestones along the way he’s yet to achieve or attempt to meet the challenge for. He is young (14) but he has a brother who is a senior and only two years older, so he needs to realize how hard he needs to work over the next two years to get where that kid is, which is realistically the bare minimum he needs to be in order to achieve step 1: A D1 scholarship. Will he make it? Hope so. I’m back in the mindset of ‘it’s not on me to force, but to support’.

I treat my students in much the same way. I’m building the scaffold for them. They construct the house from that model.

One week out from the wedding and I am starting to realize how little is really handled in terms of the fine tuning. Heck, the groom’s ring isn’t handled. My suit no longer fits due to explosive fatness. The partner is sick, which means I too am sick. All of these things are piling up and making me question how things are going to turn out. Of course they will turn out just fine, because this is how it goes, which I suppose is the real subject of this blog and reflection. See, things work out for the people around me. I rarely see my family absolutely fail at things. It is as though there is an invisible safety net strung tightly beneath us that won’t let us drop too far. I love it for most of us, but I dislike it for the young ones. They’ve come to accept that things will work out no matter how little they do to make things happen on their own. This mixture of laziness and unawareness of the true desperation of life leads me to fear that they won’t survive should the net one day disappear. It manifests itself all the time. Take for example the son who won’t come to the wedding because securing a ride is a bit too difficult. Will that blow back on him? Probably not. I suppose that is my fault that it won’t. Take even the simpler and comical example of the magic sink. The kids drop unwashed (and un-rinsed) dishes in there all day and don’t ever think about it. By morning the dishes are magically cleaned and put away without them having to lift a finger… It probably won’t translate the same when they finally leave home, will it?

Some Thoughts:

1. They won that game. The boy scored on offense and defense (pick 6) despite the pulled glute. He needs to get healthy, because he’s a week out from being a varsity player. He is about to play alongside his brother, and that is everything I want to see happen for them… and perhaps me.