Day: April 19, 2024

He wrote:

Americans are guilt obsessed and sex obsessed and the two clash, sparking fury like swords in the night.

He deleted night and replaced it with darkness finding the latter word more appealing to the sense of emptiness he felt when he reflected on the state of the American people. The latter felt like there was no hope while the former suggested day might come. As he sat staring out his second story window towards rows and rows of identical windows and rooms filling the Arizona streets he decided, if only to himself, that it was long past a chance for daylight.

Ahmir didn’t arrive to this conclusion or even this place by choice. His mother brought him here in his pre-teens, primarily because of the real estate market. His parents sold their shitty little two bedroom in Leimart Park, CA for 750,000 dollars. He remembered the moment, because he’d thought at the time that his family was millionaires, even if the sale price was missing a zero. It helped his imagination that the money they got from the sale was enough to buy a house four times as large in an Arizona suburb. Now they lived in a home that was over 5,000 square feet with three cars all bought and paid for, slowly depreciating in the driveway. He wrote:

If not for the advent of media technology like X (formerly known as twitter) and Instagram, and a host of more directly sex-focused interchanges, perhaps the culture would allow itself to be centered in reality as opposed to being fooled into thinking the digital realities thrust forward are real and thus are ample grounds upon which to wage the new culture wars.

His hand hovered over the keyboard, trying to find his next thought. He was tired. It was barely 5 AM. He hadn’t slept more than three hours, tossing and turning and sweating even in the chill of the AC. His mind raged, but he could not find the words to sate himself.

Some Thoughts:

1. Just barely a minute left here on the clock and I wanted to bring forward an update and an explanation. Ahmir is going to be a part of this summer’s novel. This section may even find it’s way into the text in some form. I made the decision to ‘write what I know’ and moved the location of the novel from Texas to Arizona. The politics of Texas were what drew me to the location, but living here has shown me that I need not look far from home for what I seek…

When Cormani dipped from Colorado everyone was aghast. WOW Deion is losing his dog–a favored player–a 5STAR! I didn’t panic. Now Alton McCaskill is dipping and I am completely chastened. Everything I have ever believed about Sanders is wrong. I bow at the feet of the people who all knew better and knew that Colorado was destined for failure because there is no possible way this man can keep players or even understands how to coach and lead a college football team–especially at this hallowed level. I repent all of my Sandersisms.

Nah, I’m playing. Seriously, this is what I think haters expect to hear and if they actually ever did hear that from a fervent Sanders fan, they would enjoy it for a moment and then move on. I’d prefer to simply move on from the hate because those who hate like that will never love me and thus they will never mean anything to me. They will hold no value in my life–not even proving them wrong, because they are not at all what this is about. For me this is about watching a man I respect build something new and different and have a real chance of building a system that is lasting and good. For as much as we knock the use of the portal, College players are only around for 4 years, so the rotations–especially in light of now having no transfer restrictions or limitations–will continue to be shorter. Until a team is Michigan or Ohio State or ‘Bama you are not getting 4 year guys. Dig in the portal and take a shot at finding someone who believes in what you are building and then work with that. Prime has been trying, and some of these portal kids are jumping back in in order to find a better fit, or in the case of this RB, more playing time. His father writes:

“If my sons not RB1 We Gotta Go…. He was ready last year! He’s a 100% this year! Unfortunately have to find another home where there’s no favoritism and he is valued, appreciated and has no doubts about RB1… He is the best RB in Colorado…But He Not settling! We Going! Thank you Colorado for your hospitality! #McCaskillStrong #WeGoing #RB1 #Proven”

He may be right! However, he may not be right for the system, and we’ve seen on the pro level that if you aren’t right for the system you don’t play. PRIME Ezekiel Elliot saw reduced minutes once there was a coaching change in Dallas. New system. That is how it works on every level past youth. I am not mad at any player hopping in the portal to find a better fit and perhaps more NIL collective money. This is a tough industry and you need to find $$ as soon and often as possible. AM knew that. He knows he needs to take control of his future and not sit behind other backs. He himself wrote:

The only person that has any input or any influence with my decisions is me. My apologies some opinions were voiced that may leave people appalled . Please do not let that be a reflection of my character and the integrity of my career.

I hope he continues to chase his dreams. What Prime wanted him for wasn’t working for him. However, he’ll find a fit soon enough.